What can I do about this young woman I manage?

[Linedbook]

Actually she's not that young (40s), but she looks young, dresses young and behaves young- much as I hate the descriptor, she's girly and she sits crossed legged on her chair, as in like a child sitting on the floor

I was told by the (female) CEO that she'd be a problem, shes spend all her time flirting and fluttering her eyelashes. CEO is a very no-nonsense woman who abhors this behaviour and I'm not a fan myself. My predecessor was a man, who according to the CEO "fell for it".

Anyway he told me she's brilliant. CEO is not a fan. I have found her to be brilliant, hard working and full of great ideas. One of those people where you just have to say "it would be good if...." and it's done. She doesn't flirt with me, but is respectful, helpful and supportive.

She's also really good at people, which is where the flirting comes in, she can a absolutely pick the men who will be susceptible and get them to do anything. I'd guess she's done the same with me, the reason for her entirely different approach.

It is annoying though and my boss hates it.

So, do I try to manage her and make it stop, or leave her to get on with what she does so well?

🤣🤣🤣

I always sit cross legged on office chairs, it’s much more comfortable and good for your back (It also means I can still do the same yoga poses I did at 16 without breaking a sweat). It sounds like the CEO just doesn’t like her, which is a CEO problem. Unless she’s actually sexually harassing male colleagues, you can’t police her behaviour.

So your problem is that she makes comments about peoples appearance, but then actually start the litany of complains by moaning that she looks young, dresses young and shes girly?

I mean heaven forbid a woman look young or appear feminine 🙄

But perhaps she comments on peoples appearance because there is clearly a top down culture where commenting on peoples appearance and using that to judge their peformance is seen as normal?

Barry was the least sexy name I could think of 😂
Apologies to any Barry's or wives of Barry's

Pahaha Barry sounds like he'd take either compliment tbh (no offence from me either to any Barry's or wives of Barry's)

One of my colleagues was actually very much like this towards our male colleagues before she retired. OTT compliments, flirty laughs, arm touching, the lot, but she used to get away with doing the absolute bare minimum on the top of the pay band so I have to admire it 😂

I suspect your boss finds the woman annoying because she is using techniques and skills that are proving successful at getting jobs completed that she, the boss, does not have.

You can be a ‘’girly’, vivacious, quirky feminist; us feminists are not all out here looking like Millie Tant from Viz and wearing Doc Martens & craving death to all men. You could say the woman in question is almost an alpha feminist (not that there is such a thing of course) because she seems to be using her behaviour, skills and inherent quirkiness to get men to perform whatever tasks are necessary to get the projects done.

It does sound like your boss is looking for an ally to find fault with the ‘girly’ employee, as it seems from your description that her work ethic is good, she motivates others (even those senior to her) and is faultless in her productivity and targets, and thus no real reason to either warn or dismiss her.

If the woman is goosing her seniors or miming fellatio with a banana then yes, start disciplinary procedures. Fluttering eyelashes to make daft senior guys do her bidding to complete work says more about the men being suckers than about her.

If I’m being brutally honest, I’d think your CEO is a little jealous of her.

The CEO’s problem is that a similar woman who wasn’t using her feminine wiles wouldn’t get the same result… and it’s not fair.

Also if a man was overtly flirty in the office or professional capacity he would be told to rein it in. A lot of women would not like it.

the issue is, it’s working for the employee and apparently very well. She obviously knows what she’s doing , as she tempers her approach a bit.

Tbh it’s difficult as no one but ceo is currently bothered by her manipulation. Is there a HR department who can help?

*If the woman is goosing her seniors or miming fellatio with a banana then yes, start disciplinary procedures. Fluttering eyelashes to make daft senior guys do her bidding to complete work says more about the men being suckers than about her.

If I’m being brutally honest, I’d think your CEO is a little jealous of her*

😂to the first paragraph and "yes" to the second.

("fluttering" eyelashes seems like such an old cliche)

How dare you

I come across as young, girly and very feminine. People are generally surprised that I'm good at my job and can be very assertive. I'm also a people pleaser which comes across as flirtatious. Men like it, women often don't despite the fact I put all my effort into my female relationships and generally try to ignore men. I'm neurodiverse which I think is at the root of it, there's definitely an innocence which women don't trust especially as I seem to 'wind men around my little finger' - yuk. Like most things, misogyny's at the root of it and I can't do right for doing wrong. Maybe your colleague is similar.

As her manager, be her advocate and stand up for her. Tell the ceo that you’ve reviewed what she’s said along with what you have seen and you have to be clear that she does a fantastic job and is a very reliable and impressive member of the team.

You could gently say to her that sometimes her behaviour comes across as a bit flirty so please just remember to keep things professional, especially in front of ceo.

Very unprofessional and inappropriate to try and manipulate colleagues at all.

Doubly so to do it through sex.

That's what people skills and indeed management is?

I was thinking about this in another context early. A friend did something that upset me briefly and he has smoothed it over soooo skillfully. It did cross my mind that I've been manipulated, but also it's good that he's fixed it?

This is the tack I'm taking. Yes, I can see what you're referring to, but actually she's doing a great job and she uses these skills to get things done.

You have a CEO issue, not employee issue. You can be 'feminine and girly' as well as being a feminist. Business is not a level playing field for male and females so good for her if this woman has discovered the fast track way to get things done in a man's world.

As long as things remain professional and she is actually getting the job done you need a PR exercise to demonstrate her work. But if she is taking the flirting a bit too far maybe a quiet word to get her to wind it in a bit in case 'it gets misconstrued' type arguement.

She’s obviously used her charms on you and you’re female so I think it’s discrediting her to say she’s just a flirt. Your CEO sounds jealous tbh.

It's really hard to imagine a male boss complaining that a male employee was acting "too boyish" or dressing "too young for his age" or being too gregarious or charming, isn't it?

Disappointing that a female CEO would allow some judgemental pettiness creep into her management style.

👏👏👏

If she were a gay man she’d be encouraged to “bring your authentic self to work” and there would be no problem with acting effeminate.

She's doing exactly that, producing brilliant work, but isn’t accepted because other women are threatened by her.

This is why I prefer to work with men.

Not because of her, but because of attitudes like this.

You cannot address "this", whatever it is, unless you have extremely clear and specific things to say.
You can't be vague.
When the CEO next talks to you about it, keep asking the CEO for the exact, precise behaviours she want you to address with your team member. Really get the CEO to nail it down. She will find that she can't.

She sounds like me and I'm audhd. I'm good at my job, sit cross legged when I'm trying to be comfortable and might make the wrong amount of eye contact which can sometimes be misconstrued. I work really hard to have positive work relationships, I care about it and try but sometimes people don't like me and it's not something I can control. There's studies saying that some neurotypical people are more likely to take a dislike to neurodiverse people as they can sense the difference and might be interpreting social masking as inauthenticity.

This!

CEO is a dick. She doesn’t know why this employee is like that, maybe it’s a defence mechanism. If your direct report is great at their job then I’d be politely directing the CEO to their HR policies/ highlighting the PR risks of discriminating against staff based on personal dislike….

Your ceo can't expect every other woman to live and work by her own feminist principles