Colleague filling me with dread

[memepo]

I work in a small team. There's always been friction with one woman (she talks behind people's backs, is generally not trustworthy and shares her rather extreme opinions loudly).

She is older than me but less experienced. I was brought in to make some changes, which has clearly ruffled her feathers. It's been 8 months since I joined.

Anyway for a few weeks things have been brewing. I've tried to distance myself but remain professional. I'm engaging in a lot less chit-chat, focusing on getting the job done. I also have been taking myself out for lunch to avoid any conversations.

Last week she came up to me, guns blazing, demanding that I explain what makes her think I am so much better than her that I don't even have to speak to her now.

I went immediately to my line manager who had a meeting with us both to mediate. I don't trust this woman and I came home to 3 texts from her asking what makes me think I have the right to instigate a meeting and 'tell on her'.

I haven't responded to the texts and intend on telling my line manager tomorrow. I feel like this is only going to get worse and I'm feeling a sense of dread in going into work in the morning.

I don't really know what the purpose of this post is, I just need somewhere to offload!

You’re doing exactly the right thing. Bully will cave soon enough.

Grey rock her, she'll get more and more worked up. Observe without getting wound up, let her implode. Let mgt deal with her. If they've brought you in to shake things up, they already knew there was an issue.

Watch a bit of Eckhart Tolle on work relationships and not responding, etc. I'm not very good at inner calm but it does help.

Text to you at home is such a bad idea, evidence in writing.

Never ever respond to her via phone messages. She shouldn't have your number actually. Did you give it to her? It will look far better for you if she's ranting on and you just don't say anything at all. If she mentions that the next day tell her that you don't look at work messages in the evening.

Don’t worry. She’s digging her own grave. Her continued antagonistic behaviour will add up to bullying/a grievance/a performance review period.

Keep calm and grey rock all the way. She sounds unhinged. But you’re not - so hold your nerve and stay centred, she has no power over you.

This.

Try and stay calm. Look at it this way - things were always going to come to a head so it may as well be now. She is behaving in an unprofessional and immature way and you are dealing with it calmly and professionally. She is going to get herself sacked if she carries on in this way. Report her texts to your manager tomorrow and ask what action they are going to take. She is sending inappropriate and possibly abusive messages to you outside working hours. Say you feel that this is becoming a vendetta and making it difficult for you to do your job.

Screenshot her messages too.

Grievance her ass, and also launch disciplinary proceedings for gross misconduct both in the workplace and for harassing you outside of it.

Call the police, register the harassment via texts. Notify your manager about that too so they know the full story.

Get her sacked - ASAP.

People like this are utter cunts and need to be booted out.

Don't reply to her texts and mention the texts as malicious communication, to your manager.

What she's doing is harassment, hence the fact you dread going in to your workplace so she will suffer consequences if she continues because your manager should remove her due to the bad atmosphere she's causing.

Sounds like she's dragging the team down. She is probably feeling threatened as she probably can't do the job as well as you, so is taking it out on you, for no other reason that she thinks she can.

She needs warnings.

Umm, don't call the police, as a PP suggested. I think they've got bigger things to deal with.

I would have just told her she's imagining it and you're just busy with work. I wouldn't have immediately gone to my line manager either.

Complete nonsense.

The police will not investigate a couple of texts.
Nor should they, it’s not a police matter.

A quick Google search from an array of UK police forces disagrees with you.

🤦‍♂️

I don't think this is a police matter at this stage.

But definitely report the texts to your line manager and don't respond to her.

This isn't a police matter, but is brewing to be a HR one. Keep quiet, and let her look "nutty" and it will soon come out. Avoid putting anything in writing.

My guess is she feels threatened and reacting to that.

Block her on your home phone.

Please do not contact me on my personal number anymore. I would prefer if we could just keep our relationship professional and limited to the workplace/ work hours

Don't block, but don't answer.

Reason is, you might need that evidence one day if things went sour.

Thanks for the advice!

This morning when we were on our own in the office she came up to me again when I was sat on my laptop answering emails. She said I'm never clear with her and began questioning why things had been scheduled in today (normal things you'd expect to come up in our job, they were on the calendar but she demanded to know why they were happening). I told her to stop talking to me and bring it up with our manager.

She cried, she shouted, she stormed off to speak to them. The drama is something else today...

Also, I didn't immediately run to my line manager as a pp suggested. This has been mounting for months and my line manager actually said I should have come sooner.

Ha ha call the police. What planet do people live on? This is a work issue. Sure enough if she gets the sack then starts stalking you but calm down everyone!

@workoholic

Don't block, but don't answer.Reason is, you might need that evidence one day if things went sour.

Good point! But if colleague becomes too intrusive block subsequently.

Work issue yes but the bad employee is harassing the OP outside of work.

Ergo, it no longer remains a work-only issue. And after the OP's most recent update, theres a good chance the unhinged employee may well elect to further up the ante by sending malicious texts.

Not sure why this concept is so hard for people to grasp? 🤦‍♂️🙄

It is literally the fucking Police's job to do if reported. JFC.

@HelplessSoul it really isn't a police matter. Sending 2 texts as described does not meet the definition of criminal harassment. By all means, it is an issue for the line manager to address. It wouldn't even meet the threshold for gross misconduct.

(Former senior police officer, also extensive experience of assessing misconduct matters)

Any sensible person can see that it's a matter for work HR, not the police, unless it escalates.