Colleague filling me with dread

[memepo]

I work in a small team. There's always been friction with one woman (she talks behind people's backs, is generally not trustworthy and shares her rather extreme opinions loudly).

She is older than me but less experienced. I was brought in to make some changes, which has clearly ruffled her feathers. It's been 8 months since I joined.

Anyway for a few weeks things have been brewing. I've tried to distance myself but remain professional. I'm engaging in a lot less chit-chat, focusing on getting the job done. I also have been taking myself out for lunch to avoid any conversations.

Last week she came up to me, guns blazing, demanding that I explain what makes her think I am so much better than her that I don't even have to speak to her now.

I went immediately to my line manager who had a meeting with us both to mediate. I don't trust this woman and I came home to 3 texts from her asking what makes me think I have the right to instigate a meeting and 'tell on her'.

I haven't responded to the texts and intend on telling my line manager tomorrow. I feel like this is only going to get worse and I'm feeling a sense of dread in going into work in the morning.

I don't really know what the purpose of this post is, I just need somewhere to offload!

Police arent lawyers.

And in any case, I was referring to the point if the OP experienced more text message harassment, then to escalate and report.

As for not meeting the gross misconduct threshold, well, who are you to determine that?

Every employer will have their own guidelines on that.

Crikey.

Should I report Dominoes to the police too? They are continually messaging me!

You should show your manager the messages. They are inappropriate and they should start bullying procedures if you wish too.

If what they are sending you makes you feel harassed, sure, go right ahead.

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I've got real life harassment to deal with. Which is very different.

Smh

And yet here you are, complaining about Domino's messaging you...

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Actually it does.

My husband got ONE harassment text. Police dealt with it straight away. Issue resolved.

Context is everything.

She's digging her own grave. Those text will make it very easy to get rid of her.

Absolutely this. My old boss instilled in me this advice: Document Document Document. It has never failed me.

Yes definitely don’t escalate this to police involvement.

I know grey rock is the interaction technique du jour, but as volie has said, another view of it in some circumstances is rudeness. I’d just say firmly and unemotionally that you are not not speaking to her ( grey rock would kind of prove her point actually) and have been focusing on your job.

I had a similar thing where someone couldn’t cope with my lack of engagement and got more and more goady. It was like they needed a confrontation on their terms. This went on for a couple of years. One day I felt particularly calm and breezy and she started again about how I wasn’t going to talk to her so I walked over and went over everything she’d done. She tried denying it and I said about all the evidence I had of her treatment of me. It was most satisfying to see her sallow face shrivel like an old balloon. I also don’t think she was expecting me to not be afraid of her. I wonder if some people can’t compute a reaction they don’t understand.

Whether it’s harassment or not depends on things like the content and volume of the texts and whether they cause you distress or alarm. It doesn’t really sound like a police matter yet from what’s been written here but could become one so keep the messages.

I don't intend on involving the police - I explained to her (with my manager present) that the texts felt intrusive and I do not want that sort of contact coming into my home. I explained all communication needs to be done at work and that is my boundary for this situation.

Last night I was sat thinking of the scenario and put myself in her shoes. I have a senior colleague who is pleasant and usually says 'good morning, how are you?' in passing, we sometimes stop to chat a little longer, usually after the weekend. Then we carry on with our jobs.

There have been a few occasions where he has passed me and not said anything, smiled but carried on walking. In these times I just think 'oh he's busy'...well tbh I don't really think anything of it at all, I just carry on with my day.

The way this woman has behaved towards me would be the same as me going up to my colleague when he is working, demanding to know why he didn't speak to me. Then when he says he's busy, I still don't accept that answer and send emails and texts accusing him of being angry.

I find it threatening. It makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong when I'm not. It's also distracting me from my job. If I spoke to my senior colleague like that I would rightly be pulled up and told to stop. A person can't demand that a person is louder or more chatty in the workplace. If I was rude or excluding her, then yes, but she can't dictate how much I chat to her.

Why don’t you just smile and say “ morning Ann “ and leave it at that? Perhaps on on Monday ask how her weekend was. That can’t really distract you too much from your work and shows you are making an effort.

@HelplessSoul
The text message would in no way be seen as harassment as far as the law goes.

The police would look at you like you were nuts. For police to take notice of a claim of harassment seriously there needs to be evidence of a sustained negative messages. Not one or two texts saying something akin to 'I don't like you're

You would do well to read the thread in full and see the salient response by @Spencer0220

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@HelplessSoul

You seem to have possibly gone through something traumatic and are projecting. The fact is with what the OP has the police would basically tell her to go keep gathering evidence. Here is nothing they would do with the text. It's too isolated and too benign asking why someone ran to the boss and told on her would not be seen as harassment

Throwing in loads of face slapping emoji doesn't make you look more clued up. It just makes you look a little fixated on something other than than the facts on hand.

Silence is deafening

@HelplessSoul @Spencer0220 got one Harassment text. They haven't elaborated on the contents but it was a text that must have had obvious harassment

The OP has a single event of 3 texts. Single event as in one day the person sent three texts.

"I came home to 3 texts from her asking what makes me think I have the right to instigate a meeting and 'tell on her'."

Asking why the OP instigated meetings and told on her does not constitute harassment

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Not at all - no projections here.

ok 👍

Is your number on a work phone or readily available for staff use? If not, how did she get your phone number?

Agree with others, and take screen shots of these texts. Communicate by work email as much as you possibly can, and blind copy your manager into all of them. If she comes over to your desk and has a go at you, email her with a "Further to our conversation this morning, this is to confirm what I said about X, Y Z etc etc" and blind copy your manager into that as well. Any replies from her, forward to your boss, so they are aware of how you are dealing with the situation.

I suspect they are fed up to the back teeth of her anyway, so in a way maybe (as the old saying goes) you need to give her enough rope to hang herself with.

Do not stoop to her level at any time no matter how much she pushes your buttons. Once you do, you have lost your position of maturity against her immaturity.
theres a great lady on instagram who has lots of good phrases to use with people like this. Repeat them over and over so that’s what comes out of your mouth in the heat of the moment. Her account is Missclairebenjamin
Remember that your line manager will likely try to make it out that you’re both the problem. Stand firm that you are not part of the problem (all the more reason not to stoop to this woman’s level of immaturity).

My number was in a whatsapp group for the Christmas party and she saved it. She did tell people she'd saved their numbers and I didn't really think much of it.

Thank you, that's a good idea to do email follow ups, I hadn't thought of that.