Working when your child's ill - does your employer understand?

[reddaphne]

Wednesday morning is my team meeting morning. It's the only morning I really need to be in the office. DH has a job interview so he obviously has to go to that.
And guess what DC2 is sick so won't be able to go to nursery.
My boss will be pissed I already know it.
It's so typical!!

How does everyone else juggle child sickness and nursery age kids?

Is your employer understanding?

Spot on!

In my academy trust school parents taking a day to look after children is unpaid.

It's not ridiculous to have back up plan - I used to get my parents down or use in laws. I also remember dropping DD off with ear infection for couple of hours with my friend so I didn't miss a couple of lessons.

Mine were rarely ill - I don't know why some kids are always ill.

If it's on Teams surely that's the whole point of being able to do calls online? You can join for as much as you can manage? I can't see any manager being justified in getting annoyed about that? You're hardly slacking?

@allfurcoatnoknickers the child is 15 months so a bit too young for parking in front of the tv.

@converseandjeans because humans are all different?

in any event, this may be a rare day of sickness for OP’s kid.

I work at a uni and they are great. 5 days paid emergency leave a year and I actually got more than that in the first 2 years I was back at work.

I did alternate with Dh and I also worked pt until the dc were school age, partly because I knew about young kids getting ill a lot.

most people I know have no back up. Our parents are all old and not in good enough shape for childcare. Our siblings live in different parts of the country. We’ve never had free childcare from a relative and no back up.

apart from the first couple of years, the impact of dc sickness has been negligible on work. Not even one day a year. It’s much easier now Dh and I can both wfh occasionally.

I've found that supporting working employee in these sorts of circumstances pays back massively in loyalty and good workplace culture.

Exactly this.

When DD has been sick DH and I (both WFH) tag team- I look after her in the morning, checking emails intermittently and keeping my phone on me, then he takes over at lunchtime. I always inform my manager but there’s never any suggestion at my place that you should take it as AL, you just try to make up the time as best you can. As long as there’s no complaints and our fees and billable hours are consistently decent at the end of every month no one’s bothered. I’m sure if there was a pattern or ongoing issue questions would be raised, but my manager knows DH and I split it 50:50.

The flip side of this is that I really appreciate the flexibility my workplace offers and I know DH feels the same about his employers. Whilst people are saying, “well it’s not the employer’s lookout”, our workplaces have basically bought our loyalty by being sensible on this topic. It would take a lot to get either of us to move at this stage in our lives.

When I was a teacher my employer was not understanding even though DH and I always split it 50/50. My new employer is understanding. DH and I can both work from home so tend to do a half day each of a child is ill. But it’s not often. is your husband at an all day interview or could he cover half the day?

Who on earth is queuing up to be back up childcare for some feverish or puking kid who wants their parents. Absolutely no one. I'd never inflict that on grandparents. And the idea of some SAHM friend doing it is so unfair.

I paid to get mine vaccinated against chickenpox mainly to benefit my work. They'll cope with some random days off if required as they're reasonable. Likewise I am reasonable with rearranging my none working days to suit their needs

I think it can depend if you're generally a good employee or a piss taker

I don’t have back up childcare and I don’t have a back up house either, just in case mine burns down or is flooded. Yes it’s mine and DH’s responsibility to ensure our children are looked after if they are ill but we both have reasonable employers.

Lucky you. My parents and in laws don't live in the same country as us.

We're fortunate to have very flexible jobs, and the unmissable meetings go in both of our diaries so we can try avoid having days where something crucial would have to be missed.

We have no family nearby and no backup - and nor should we for illness IMO, sick kids should be with a parent.

OP it's really hard but it will get easier - usually after the first winter or two in nursery they get sick much less often, and if you can WFH then in a couple of years you'll be able to do that with help from the TV. It is brutal in the meantime though.

I too call bullshit on the “backup childcare”. If they’re sick no commercial childcare setting will take them, and I think people generally are more wary of catching or passing things on post Covid. I don’t think we’re a nation of germaphobes by any means, but I would be much more switched on to how an illness or virus could effect my parents who are in their late 60’s, or my friend’s son who has asthma, the person doing you a favour potentially catching it themselves and needing to take sick leave, etc. I caught scarlet fever off DD and it floored me, but at least it was me and not someone I’d begged to look after her for me so I could go to work.

I don’t think I’m unusual in being more cautious and, dare I say it, responsible, now compared to how I would have been in the past. I’m lucky my employers and those of my friends and family with kids are all fairly good, and I’ve never been put in the position where I need to ask or be asked to look after an infectious child. And surely the fact sick kids aren’t being passed around coughing over more people than necessary is a good thing?

I say this as someone whose role can be done wfh;

Thankfully a very understanding employer, and it’s one of the reasons I have stayed so long.

Previous employer was very difficult and pissed off at any short notice leave to look after sick kids, collect sick or injured children from school.

You reap what you sow in terms of how you treat your employees.

@AskingForAFriend12

Lucky you. My parents and in laws don't live in the same country as us.

Yes I realise we have been lucky - but I also went part-time & with teacher hols it was easier to cover.

Mine didn't seem to catch vomiting bugs - obviously you can't send them anywhere with that sort of illness.

I think using a childminder rather than nursery helped too. Less germs & I think less tiring as there wasn't as much going on. So I think that meant that they were ill less often.

I've only had one day off for a sick child. I was a single mum and had to have some back up options. Although ex-husband always tried to make that impossible. It was v tough as a teacher to be off.

Thank god that's all in the past.

I get around it by being head of the team so the meeting doesn't happen without me.

So if you have a sick child and can’t run the meeting, your team members all have time in their diary for a meeting that gets cancelled? That’s not great for them.

My employee is very flexible, I’d be able to join the meeting online if I couldn’t attend in person and if my child needed me and I couldn’t attend that would be fine. Being so flexible inspires loyalty and a willingness to go the extra mile, because my employer goes the extra mile with me.

I work evenings and partner works all day.
so I’m always the person unless I’m dying of a flu too!

but sometimes things happen and you need to be there, they let him take last minute holiday so I could have an interview as we had no childcare which was nice of them, but I used to work there too and pretty friendly with them all so.

obviously if you do this everyday it’s a problem, but this is why I’ll probably keep this pattern until my childs older because otherwise it’s a bunch of hassle so when he goes to nursery and catches everything. I sacrifice a bit of money but I’m still relatively young and have future plans

Can you not go in, then come home while your DP has their interview? Or go on after the interview depending on the time

So those crowing about “back up” presumably mean family locally that are well and able to do it? Good luck if you have that - if not, you are hardly likely to have a paid nanny on tap

i was lucky as mine were pretty healthy but I took days like this as annual leave…at that time the company didn’t provide any flex at all

I didn't see anyone 'crowing'. I mentioned back-up childcare.

I am a single parent (3 DC), no support essentially from ex, no family locally.

I have a reasonably senior job, but for a period after my marriage ended, when my DC were v small, I had to change roles, work on contracts, and try to rebuild my career. I was lucky my DC weren't ill frequently. I also did have understanding employers, and I'm a very supportive manager & make many accommodations for all sorts of personal situations - sick children, family matters, elderly parents and so on. Our workplace overall is supportive.

There are times when I need to prioritise work - this will vary with roles & individuals, of course. When I do, I had to have some backup plan, even if it was less than perfect. I had limited straightforward options, so I had to sometimes rely on favours from other mums, or ask my mother to travel a considerable distance, or use a babysitter. It was rare, and not easy, but I couldn't have worked with no back-up options to school or paid child-care.

I used to lie and say I was unwell. Never mentioned the DC.
Luckily it wasn't often.

@Wallywobbles

I've only had one day off for a sick child

Same here.