Working when your child's ill - does your employer understand?

[reddaphne]

Wednesday morning is my team meeting morning. It's the only morning I really need to be in the office. DH has a job interview so he obviously has to go to that.
And guess what DC2 is sick so won't be able to go to nursery.
My boss will be pissed I already know it.
It's so typical!!

How does everyone else juggle child sickness and nursery age kids?

Is your employer understanding?

My work are very supportive they always have been but my current boss is amazing and so understanding/helpful.

I work part time but supposed to go to office once a week. I've been in once this year. My kids have taken it in turns to be ill each week and the week before Xmas holidays youngest was ill.

I wfh and usually I'm able to put in my full hrs or do some catch up in evenings. When they were really little and ill I cldnt work. Youngest is 4 now and she just wants to cuddle up next to me and watch films when she's ill. She does love a little appearance in my teams calls though 😆 I think my employer is just grateful that the work is getting done.

End of the day ur child is more important than ur job. My boss will say let me know if u need help or if u need some time off.

DH can't wfh and wldnt get paid so it all falls on me. Occasionally he took time off when they were very young as I cldnt keep talking days off too.

Many ppl have no back up. I work with a few ladies that aren't from this country and have no family here. Also even if u do have back up u can't send ur kids to someone if they have sickness bug etc.

This is not really true. Parents are entitled to emergency unpaid leave for a child. For as short a time as possible. My workplace (NHS) would be calling by lunchtime to check that the parent had spent the morning getting in a carer and would be in work for the afternoon. No way would a parent get a second day off as by day two, it is not an emergency.

Yes, my work are undersranding but then it's not very often thst happens. I'm also hardly ever off sick myself so it's not like I'm a piss taker in general.

I've worked there a long time though and they know me and my work ethic, I wouldn't risk getting a new job and starting from scratch, you can bet that would ensure a spate of sickness!

Fortunately, most people in my department have young(ish) children and understand that people have lives and responsibilities outside work. That also makes them a decent bunch to work with.

Wtf?! Backup childcare- which planet do some of you live on?! I pay almost £4K a month on my nursery fees. If my child is ill, one of us is staying home. Both sets of grandparents are dead and our siblings live abroad. There is no way I'm spending any extra money to have strangers look after a poorly, vulnerable child when all they want is their mum/dad. You work to live, not live to work- my employer will have to deal with their disappointment of me not being present in some shitty meeting or logging in remotely. They'll survive.

You cannot take a day sick if your child is sick. You take a days sick when you are ill.

@PakistaniFlow do you think secretly you are a little envious of working mums? Why come on here to say goady things otherwise?

My post is about having a sick nursery age child and not being able to attend a meeting.

It's not about being a working mother but actually wanting to stay at home but I can't afford to because my husband doesn't earn enough, because that it totally not the case I can assure you!!

You must have some insecurities but that's okay! maybe start a post? :-)

The reality is that it's not your employers problem. I lost multiple jobs due to my DD's sn's and needing to miss work. No they weren't understanding at all. Back up plans are really important to have in place - yes it's not always possible but to keep the good will at work it's important to try

Luckily my boss is very understanding. Really glad because my husband doesn't enough for me to homeschool my kids and take care of religious education and I don't have a back up as our families and friends are literally 1000 miles away 😂

No but in all seriousness, my work is very understanding, no issues at all.

Working mothers are also mothers. Financially I don’t need to work, but choose to.

I'm in Ireland. I had a couple of babysitters that were younger, maybe studying etc, so I was sometimes able to use them.

I had friends too - really, mums I knew from the school gate that were SAHM, so obviously it would only be if really needed, and depending on circumstances.

When my DC were baby / toddler stage, I'd ask my mum to come up (2.5 hours away) if I really had to - she was caring for her own mum then, and before that was still working f/t so it wasn't often an option.

The point is I put in place some plans, albeit none perfect, because as a single working mother, I had to.

When I had to I took leave when my DC needed me, but I couldn't ignore the responsibilities of my job either.

It's naive to post saying there are no options or asking for a site which supplies last-minute care (I think such places may exist but I doubt most people use them, including me!)

Annual leave

It’s just her weekly meeting, not an annual conference or anything.

Sure. She needs to weigh up her priorities. But if I was aware it was considered important for me to be available that one day (the only one she's expected to be in the office), I'd consider finding a way to be there.

Grandparents may be working themselves, or live a long way away, or have to cancel their plans for the day. It’s perfectly reasonable for OP to judge whether this is a big enough problem to ask.

This was exactly my own situation so I get it.

It is indeed reasonable to make the judgment call.

The idea that there can't be options for care when her DC is sick is naive though - if you're working you should have some back up plans.

OP, as you've seen from quite a few of the responses on this thread you're very much 'on your own' in this sense. The very first comment re your childcare woes are not your employers problem. Thing is though - an anxious and stressed employee trying to be in 3 places at once and balance 10 things with two hands is very much an employers problem. Employers get the best out of their employees for the most part when they treat them as 3 dimensional people with varying layers. This means as a working mother - your child is very much a part of your psyche day to day.

Employers absolutely love posters like the first poster because it utterly eliminates a certain type of compassion towards you i.e. the worker. It's truly something just how far gone some people are in views like this. It's views like this which place so much undue stress on everyone, much to employers' delight.

I hope you find a solution but I empathise - this shit is hard, and you'd think those in a similar position would be more understanding but alas, this is why we are where we are as a society.

No, you have a statutory right to unpaid leave in an emergency to sort out other arrangements. Not for days and days, not paid (though some do choose to pay it), not to call in sick yourself, and no right to "pretend to be working and just keep an eye on emails".

“The idea that there can't be options for care when her DC is sick is naive though - if you're working you should have some back up plans.”

Her back up plans:

1. DH covers - as she only has to be in one day a week, it’s likely that this is practically always ok for Wednesdays. This is basically how DH and I worked it - who is better able to take leave on any given day?
2. She takes a day of annual leave or emergency leave - this is what she is doing
3. If it is very important work, she asks a grandparent to take a day off/cancel other plans and travel to help
4. If it is utterly crucial and immovable eg parental fall and hospitalisation or something, either DH postpones his interview (I would expect this as OP’s friend!) or she asks a SAHP friend to risk infecting her own child by caring for both

As OP is doing 2, what am I missing?

Both DH and my managers are very understanding luckily. Wouldn't be a problem to WFH and I get up to five individual emergency days leave for this (individual as in I could take one day but would be expected to cover further days of that sickness period with either other childcare or take annual or unpaid leave).

As it is DH WFH two days a week and I WFH one day a week and have one day off so the child would have to be ill on the one day we were both out working which would be extra unlucky! We also have my mum and stepdad a mile up the road if needed in an emergency so we're very fortunate.

It is if they want to retain their staff.

Many employers offer paid emergency leave for employees who need to help out with elderly parents or children. My employer used to offer 5 days per annum. It was rarely used. During the pandemic, they doubled it. They've kept it at 10 days pa since.

The positivity it fosters in the organisation far outweighs the cost of people actually using it fully every year.

Well actually it is the employers problem because employees are legally entitled to take leave for childcare emergencies such as sickness.

@PakistaniFlow

He loves to work, he loves to provide and it gives us something to talk about when he comes home as well. Fortunately he will retire early due to being a high earner

How lovely but you did not answer my question.

How does he cope dividing his attention between working and being a father.

Employers absolutely love posters like the first poster because it utterly eliminates a certain type of compassion towards you i.e. the worker

I disagree.

A good employer does exactly what you describe - shows sensitivity towards employees in challenging personal situations, whether that's child-related, parental illness or care, relationship-breakdown or other.

I have done a huge amount as a manager to accommodate my team when they are having difficult times.

I would never act in a shitty way or let it show, even if I was disappointed about a colleague's approach to work, as that's unprofessional.

None of that negates the need for working parents to consider back up options around childcare, if their work matters to them.

But what are the back up or other arrangements to call in? In some cases they dont exist. We don't have any grandparents who would be able or to willing to help (still working, live too far and physical health issues). Siblings and friends all work themselves. Someone also may be willing to watch a child but not a baby or a toddler for example. I absolutely would not leave my baby with a stranger. My husband and I would need to take emergency annual leave and split it based on who has the diary most cancellable on that given day and we would try and catch up a little (despite using leave) on an evening.

I get around it by being head of the team so the meeting doesn't happen without me.

If it were an all staff with the big boss though I'd probably try and dial-in or Zoom from home. Stick the sick child in front of the TV for an hour. DS is 4, but when he's poorly, I usually just WFH with him on the sofa rather than taking a sick day. Is that not possible at all?

If they are going to be awkward about it just lie next time and tell them you are sick! I don't see what difference it makes.

This thread was batshit already and then in walks you. I needed a laugh. Thank you