New colleagues making comments about my name

[TeenLifeMum]

At work my small team has joined a larger team with a very different culture.

My birth name is very traditional however I’ve never really been called that and have always been known by my nickname. There are two nickname options - think Elizabeth could be Liz or Beth. The nickname I have is used by my family and friends to the point some friends don’t know my birth name isn’t the nickname.

My new team keeps bringing it up as they’ve never heard it before (apparently - I don’t think it’s that rare and have met others). It’s more common as a name in the USA (where I have family) but does exist in the uk. New colleague is from a culture they never use nicknames and she’s baffled by it and keeps calling me my birth name which has triggered lots of conversations about my name. A few of them are now calling me my birth name as if my nickname is just for friends but I’ve always used it professionally. It’s so odd to me that they aren’t just using my name I’ve introduced myself as.

That’s very rude of them. I would correct them each and every time. It doesn’t really matter if their culture uses nicknames or not, you have a name you go by and people should be using it.

Your name, your choice.

I'm always very careful of other people's preferences around names. For example, whether someone prefers David or Dave, Nicola or Nicky and so on. Your colleagues should be more respectful.

My birth name is what a lot of people would consider a nickname. I have had people attempt to guess at what my name is short for and call me that instead (there are a few possibilities). Its madness to me, as I told them my actual name!

Just keep repeating 'I'd rather you called me Kate than Catherine. I'm known by everyone as Kate'.

Sounds like cultural confusion rather than people being purposely difficult.

Correct them every single time!

When in doubt it is always best to call someone what they ask you to call them. Not sure why your colleague has decided that they know better than you.

@Wytchy one of them it’s a cultural thing but the others are all very English but actually all have short, traditional names. I’ve worked in multiple workplaces and never come across an issue before. It’s quite an immature workplace.

Just correct them. I never used my birth cert name (only my brother and my mum when I’d been naughty ever called me that). I use another name that I have been called since I was a baby (when my siblings couldn’t pronounce my full name). My teachers called me my real name (can you imagine the drama these days??) and I was miffed that my sister was always called the short version of her name even at school!

I use my ‘proper’ name now (I got fed up trying to explain why I have a second name that isn’t a version of my actual name) but I can always tell who knows me from where by the name they use.

Some people have taken it upon themselves to use a shortened version of my real name which I really don’t like (it’s awful!)

Is your work email address under your nickname or birth name?

I had a colleague who went by a nickname. Her work email was her full proper given name so lots of people just went off that. It only stopped when her email was changed to the nickname.

I would mention it again and just say, "I'd really prefer it if you could use Liz because I don't go by Elizabeth at all".

Ah, so it might be an arsehole thing then.

If it continued I'd probably try and wrong foot them by asking them directly 'what exactly is your issue with my name?'.

Immature arseholes are often surprised to be called out.

How do they know your full name? I find it i remember written things better than things I've heard so if I saw the full name every time I got an email I'd think of you as that name in my head.

Sounds like cultural confusion rather than people being purposely difficult.

I agree. Just keep saying "Liz! I much prefer Liz" every time they use your full name.

Is there any chance your preferred nickname sounds like a dodgy word in their language (if applicable)? I've been hesitant with a few names, notably one that sounded like "Fag".

I had a girl in my class with the same thing. Her name is a common nickname for more than one name. New teachers at the beginning of the year would get so annoyed with her when going through the register for the first time. 'I want your full name, not your nickname. What's the name on your birth certificate?!' 'It says <shortened name> on my birth certificate, Miss...' Every single year!

OP your colleagues are being really rude and disrespectful. What planet are they on that they think THEY can decide what your name is and how they address you?!

I’ve been in the same position. My real name is traditional, my nickname is more uncommon. I was the Only one in the school, never worked with another one. People are flabbergasted when they hear my real name, even though it’s very common. If they call you it again, just say ‘Please just call me Beth, only doctors and my great Aunty call me Elizabeth.’

@Dacadactyl i think this might be behind it. When we merged IT told me I had to have my new email in my birth name (since then others haven’t). I think I’ll ask them to change it - I did initially but clearly spoke to the wrong person. At the time I said, “so I could change my gender and pick a new name but because I’m not changing gender I get told what my name is?”

It might be a cultural thing with one of them, but you can call yourself 'Jo' or whatever it is, and they should respect your cultural tradition.

The rest of them - just correct them every time, and if they go on about your name, say you don't understand why people keep bringing it up. Your name is your name, and that is what you want to be known by.

I would be more direct. Don't say "I'd rather you call me", "I would prefer", and so on. Be direct and say "My name is Liz, call me Liz".

@TheYearOfSmallThings i don’t think so and it’s a name in its own right just not widely used in the UK. There was a Barbie doll with the name so it’s not that rare (no I’m not asking them to call me Barbie!) 😂

Correct them every.single.time.

Also, could you get a large, colourful email signature with your preferred name on it?

Just saw your update about your email - yes, insist they change your email to the name you have always used. Explain that despite your birth name, you have only ever been known (especially professionally) as (name) and now it's causing confusion to others and distress to you.

I sympathise... I have a birth name and a derivative name I've only ever used.

Get them to change the email address.

I can almost guarantee this will fix the issue.

Rude!
At my workplace we have some very unusual names. A lot not English in origin. Some hard to pronounce. We always ask what is the preferred name they'd like to be known as - whether nickname or birth name.

I have a Nigerian background and name and our traditional names tend to be long with a shorter version, and I've never had an issue changing my email address to the use the shorter version. It's always the longer version by default but there's usually a process to get it changed.

Try speaking to IT again, it's an easy change on their end.

The colleagues are still being rude if you've told them repeatedly but hopefully the email change will help reinforce it.

One solution would be to issue a group email stating that despite your "official" name being Elizabeth, you would appreciate being called Beth.

Before you do that, it might be an idea to chat with HR. Disrespecting your requests may be a form of bullying and no one wants that, especially HR. They can advise on what they consider appropriate and then no one can counter attack, which is what would happen if bullying is present.

Off to google Barbie names…

Jokes aside, they’re being rude and IT are being idiotic. Raise an issue re the email address and being forced to use a name you don’t go by.

I would also send an email to your somewhat rude colleagues citing your name. If they persist after that then call them a different name in response - churlish but they’re being rubbish

Ah, please tell me your name is Skipper!! Love it

Skipper or Midge?

Not that it matters, what they are doing is rude.

People use a shortened version of my name which I fucking loathe. I've spent 55 years telling people to call me by my actual name...which isn't long in the first place!

Drives me wild.