New colleagues making comments about my name

[TeenLifeMum]

At work my small team has joined a larger team with a very different culture.

My birth name is very traditional however I’ve never really been called that and have always been known by my nickname. There are two nickname options - think Elizabeth could be Liz or Beth. The nickname I have is used by my family and friends to the point some friends don’t know my birth name isn’t the nickname.

My new team keeps bringing it up as they’ve never heard it before (apparently - I don’t think it’s that rare and have met others). It’s more common as a name in the USA (where I have family) but does exist in the uk. New colleague is from a culture they never use nicknames and she’s baffled by it and keeps calling me my birth name which has triggered lots of conversations about my name. A few of them are now calling me my birth name as if my nickname is just for friends but I’ve always used it professionally. It’s so odd to me that they aren’t just using my name I’ve introduced myself as.

Agree with this.

Urgh people are so rude!

A lesson in etiquette to them all to say look at the name people use on their emails signature/sign off and you use that including the spelling!

Not rocket science is it.

I changed my name at primary school and it doesn't even register if anyone but my parents call me by my original name.

Just to clarify, my email is full name but my signature sign off is the name I use. IT said I couldn’t have both emails with one defaulting to the other (that was what I had until the take over and new IT team).

IT are being useless, you can have the full name on your email BUT they do something so it shows to everyone as your preferred name. They had to do it when they spelt my name wrong 🙄

I'd love to know your name.

I agree the email issue could be an excuse, but not for people who know you face to face.

I'd correct them every time.

They can change the "display" name, if you Google it tells you how to do that on Outlook however IT did it for me.

IT are being ridiculous. Effectively its not your name, you don't use it, so how dare they make you put it.
Loads of people manage to use their middle name and people don't know their first name.
I'd go to it but via their manager / hr tbh.

For goodness sake, what’s the name???

Our emails are set up according to our Id documents we present when we start - it matches our DBS. They cannot be changed for safeguarding reasons.

Why are people demanding to know the name? If the OP says it's Stevie does that change your advice compared to if it's Marnie? Baffling.

I have a colleague I don't know very well who has a "normal" first name but goes by a nickname. Think Margaret, known as Midge. I never know what to call her as it does say Margaret in her email address and signature so it would seem v informal to address her as Midge! I must speak to her one day and ask what she prefers!

It’s definitely the IT. I have a similar issue. If you are on Microsoft Office it’s amazing how many places your name is shown to colleagues, not just emails but all sorts of stuff. Bloody sharepoint.

Don’t take it as a personal attack. Most people at work don’t care that much to be an arse on purpose. But they just aren’t overly interested in your name(s).

Because we are nosey.

Human nature I guess, as soon as something is hidden we want to know. Even if it is unimportant.

I'm just disappointed it isn't Skipper.

Me too @MrsRobinsonsHandprints - Skipper is a fab name (& I think was a nickname as her real name was Margaret)

I get quite shy about using people’s nicknames OP, as always feel it’s reserved for close friends or close colleagues. So if your full name is your email signature I would use that and wouldn’t refer to you as a nickname unless you specifically asked me as I’d be too worried about offending you by seeming too familiar! So maybe just let them know that you prefer the nickname in all contexts.

@Sconehenge i sign off emails with my name - the one I use. It’s not a cutesy nickname for friends and family. It’s my name and the one I introduced myself as. Exec team seem perfectly fine in calling me my name. Those I don’t know, totally understand they mean no offence. My actual team who previously received emails for years before takeover with my chosen name really have no excuse.

Every time anyone calls you by the wrong name, correct them. If you've given them enough chances, stop answering to anything else. If they ask why, say that's not what you like to be called, and they know that, so you didn't think they could be talking to you.

All this attributing the issue to an email one is just ridiculous, in my opinion. These are the people OP works most closely with. I assume she often emails them. How hard can it be if for instance, [email protected] signs her emails "Abby" to figure out that she wants to be called Abby?

I think that these people are doing this intentionally for some reason. Surely they can't be that unthinking.

Exactly what I was thinking. An email address can certainly add a little confusion with colleagues you don't interact with much, who might just glance at the email address rather than the signature when deciding how to address you. I've also had situations where I've worked for a business that appears to be a person's name - e.g. "Lewis Smith" - and had suppliers or customers accidentally address me as Lewis. I wouldn't pay either mistake any mind.

But these are people the OP is working with every day. Is it that hard to get their heads around the idea that people have nicknames, and is the apparent strangeness of OP's name really worthy of multiple conversations when she's told them what she wants to be called? 🙄 Either they are very sheltered and easily bamboozled or it's some sort of silly power play.

I guess changing email addresses might help to stop the misunderstanding from spreading to other departments, but I don't think it will resolve what's happening with the colleagues.