New colleagues making comments about my name

[TeenLifeMum]

At work my small team has joined a larger team with a very different culture.

My birth name is very traditional however I’ve never really been called that and have always been known by my nickname. There are two nickname options - think Elizabeth could be Liz or Beth. The nickname I have is used by my family and friends to the point some friends don’t know my birth name isn’t the nickname.

My new team keeps bringing it up as they’ve never heard it before (apparently - I don’t think it’s that rare and have met others). It’s more common as a name in the USA (where I have family) but does exist in the uk. New colleague is from a culture they never use nicknames and she’s baffled by it and keeps calling me my birth name which has triggered lots of conversations about my name. A few of them are now calling me my birth name as if my nickname is just for friends but I’ve always used it professionally. It’s so odd to me that they aren’t just using my name I’ve introduced myself as.

I'm an Elizabeth and my parents chose one of the abbreviations when I was born. So officially, I am Elizabeth but most people wouldn't realise as everyone calls me by the other name (think Betsy, not a more obvious Liz or Beth).

The number of people over the years who have called me Liz and carried on doing so after I have corrected them many times, is amazing. And those who insist on calling me Elizabeth despite me correcting them, again, many times.

People can be so odd about names. Almost arrogant, weirdly. I refuse to even look up if someone persistently calls me Liz after I've corrected them.

It sounds like a weird situation where you can't tell others what your name is!

Ah i was wondering how they even knew your full birth name! I think this will be behind the confusion.

I have a colleague with the Beth/Elizabeth scenario.
I never knew for several years her actual birth name was Elizabeth as EVERTHIING workwise is in the name of Beth.

I had a weird colleague once who insisted on calling me by my full name - except it wasn't actually my name.

I use a diminutive that is more commonly associated with the name she decided I should be called. I corrected her every single time and eventually complained about her.

My name is Hatty and she insisted on calling me Harriet. Except my birth name is actually Henrietta, which I've never used. I've certainly never used bloody Harriet.

It is so weird they have such an opinion but the other consequence of using my full name is that people then decide to use the more common nickname, which I hate. It feels like a personal attack on mine and my families’ choice of name.

Are you Buffy?

I wish I was Buffy.

I think the older generation often feel that a full name is more respectful to use and therefore can never be wrong whereas a nickname assumes a level of familiarity or intimacy that one or other party might find inappropriate or unwanted.

A work environment is clearly more towards the formal end of the spectrum.

@princess I’m one of the oldest in the team so they’re mostly in their 30s. Three are older and only one of those is disrespectful re my name. It’s mostly the younger ones. It’s very odd to me. My name’s not as unusual as Buffy. It’s a “normal” name but these colleagues say they’ve never heard it before. Then I say well there’s this famous actress and this other famous person and they go “oh yeah”.

Anastasia … but you’re known as Stacy and they’re calling you Anna???

Cultural my backside, tell them you prefer Beth, end of. If they continue to call you Elizabeth they are being nothing but rude.

It’s rude and it’s bullying. I’m a Nicola and that’s what I use at work. If someone called me Nikki I’d be so shocked (and horrified) that I’d not even be polite.

they should call you by your preferred name, it’s a simple as that. Every time they use the wrong name make them practise using the right name. Look bloody cross and call them by the wrong name.

It's rude. Keep correcting them. We have a colleague with an unusual name. A different colleague won't learn to get her tongue around it and has essentially made up a different one. Like say Michaela becoming Kimaynal. It's silly but the ignorance is annoying to everyone and about to cause fireworks. Your name, your say.

I’ve got a pretty normal nickname and it winds me up no end when people spell it wrong despite it being spelled correctly on literally everything - think Vicky/Nicky/Ricky but having it being spelled Nicki/Nikki etc. That’s rude enough without them insisting on using my Sunday name.

The email address is no excuse at all. I have several colleagues whose full name is in their email, but who go by nicknames. We all know this and no one uses the full name.

I find it strangely intrusive when people call me my family nickname. No one except close family do this, but every so often a professional contact will call me it. Weird.

I don't get the "cultural' part.

If the name is popular in the US, and you're in the UK, the culture isn't THAT much different, is it?

Or are the people in your office of a different culture? If so, I'm afraid they'll just have to accept the British nickname culture and go along with what you want.

Are you Midge or Stacey? (please be Skipper!)

I'm thinking Cara..?

Just ignore then every time they say the wring name. It's not your name, you're not used to responding to it.

Firmly correct them once

Then ignore them every time they use the wrong one

If they continue and start getting arsey, tell them you'll have a word with HR who might be able to clarify your position better as they seem to be struggling to understand...

Or do you have a manager who could do that?

Have you mentioned a nickname in as many words? Most people's understanding of a nickname is something close friends and family use.
An abbreviated name would be different, or even just say (your preferred name) is your name, eg, 'Teresa? That's not my name. My name is Tess, call me Tess'

Under our email sign off we have a line saying something along the lines of " my name is pronounced xxx". If you have that option you could add what you want people to call you.

I have a traditional name, a simple one, that arses make a point of mispronouncing, so depending on grade I either ignore them or roll my eyes - obviously.

but then I'm old enough not to take any crap from arses

I’ve never called it my nickname - to be honest, I just see it as my name.

I’m not generally a walkover but I think I’m struggling because I don’t want to come across as a pompous arse (there’s been bullying and gaslighting previously so I’ve learned to rise above and pick my battles -but this is bugging me). Feeling empowered to change email (worried it’ll mess up my diary though 😬).

That is so rude, I only ever call someone by the name they introduce themselves, I wouldn’t dream of shortening it, particularly not in the work place.

This! They're rude Op, so correct them! It's not pompous to want to be called by your name!