5 days bereavement leave for losing Mum, is this poor?

[TeapotCollection]

A colleague of mine lost her Mum over Christmas and she’s been told that’s all she’ll get. I think that’s shocking for the loss of a parent, interesting to hear if it’s normal. 5 days includes the day of the funeral as well

When I lost my Mum they gave me longer but we had different owners then, I was very surprised to hear this

I've never worked anywhere where it's been more than 5 days. Companies are generally then open to unpaid leave, annual leave or sick leave if you need more time.

Everyone will be different regarding how much time they need off.

That's just where you work, most companies offer 5 days as standard butthere'sno legal minimums. Most managers will allow taking of holiday/unpaid leave or there's the option of being signed off sick.

Also, even smaller companies a doctors note is needed for payroll to be able to process SSP so an informal chat with a manager would not be accepted.

Wow, retired now but five years ago it was one day paid at my company ! In reality I think they'd have been much more generous for a close relative

I only got 2 days compassionate leave for my parents, then used annual leave

The places I have worked it’s been 1–3 days. It’s intended for admin and funeral attendance, not for mental health — that’s why sick leave is used. Grief isn’t linear, sometimes people get hit by it later.

My mum died on 7 December (a Thursday). I was given the rest of that week and the whole of the following week as compassionate leave. So 7 working days.

I then had a further 2 days compassionate leave for the funeral (incl preparation) on 21 and 22.

I was fortunate that I already had holiday booked off between Christmas and new year too.

Irish civil service is 20 days for parent/child living with you.

5 days seems to be reasonably standard for bereavement leave. and it is reasonable I think in that no workplace can possibly write a policy which could cover all combinations of eventualities.
There's an old adage that the 3 days stemmed from a day for the death, a day for the funeral and a day for registering the death. Then increased in many workplaces by an extra two days for travel (since so many of don't live closeby to those we'd seek bereavement leave for) and maybe some time for admin.

Of course, whether you are "fit" to attend work in the aftermath of a death is a whole other question ..... which will vary case by case. Hence so many experiences of sick leave, additional compassionate leave, unpaid etc etc

5 days plus sick leave. I took a full month off after mum died as I ceased to function for a bit.

5 days is pretty standard. usually people are then signed off.

DH’s colleague was allowed 1 day after her dad died. Lovely people to work for!

I work in local government and we get up to 3 days including the day of the funeral - but only for close family.

I would be expecting to get signed off by my GP if I needed longer than that & I hope your colleague does too.

That's normal. I've seen 2 days before, and 1 for the funeral. Poor.

we only get 3 days

Yeah this.

It's normal, because work has to set a limit. But as others have said, she should get signed off for longer, a lot longer if needs be.

3 days here i got signed off by doc for a few weeks

My dad died suddenly on a Friday so I had the rest of that day off. I’d already booked the following week as annual leave so took that as planned. The only other day I was allowed to take as bereavement leave was the day of the funeral. Despite booking the day through the proper channels I still had a text from my manager asking where I was!

My mum passed away early December and the funeral is this week

I already was on two days annual leave when she suddenly deteriorated and died but I was back at work after my annual leave and grateful for the normality and distraction from my loss. I just sorted registering the death/funeral plans whilst working

I do however have some leave booked this week mainly because my work have insisted and also want me to take some compassionate leave after the 5 days bereavement leave. I'm not so sure I want that much time sitting around doing nothing but I work for such an awesome company and I really appreciate them.

My husband got 1/2 a day off when his mum died, and that was the day of the funeral! He had to use holiday to cover the rest of the day.

This is pretty standard. Most people who have suffered a big bereavement will go on to be signed off sick, and good employers will be understanding of that.

I only ever had a few days off, lost both parents while working in the same place, a few years apart.

Never occurred to me that people would get more for the expected death of a parent tbh. A partner or child, yes, but they are unexpected in the way the death of a parent usually is not - unless it was very sudden. My parents both went downhill over a period of months before they died and my manager was very good about me leaving a bit early to get to hospital visits etc. As someone else said, work was a fabulous distraction most of the time.

Sounds pretty standard to me

It's normal as far as I know. I had a house to clear and give back to the council in that time. I went back to work after the 5 days because I wanted to.

Yep that's the legal minimum so that's all many companies offer. I worked for a well-known company that granted just 5 days to a colleague when her son was killed.

In my place of work we get:
3 days for loss of child or spouse
2 days for parent or sibling
1 day for other relative (eg: grandparent, aunt/ uncle) and this may cover a non-relative (eg: friend) at line manager’s discretion

All of those days include the funeral. Most people sign off sick to take longer than that though.

I think we get 3 days with more at your manager’s discretion. I’m surprised it seems to be routine to get signed off by the GP. Grief isn’t a sickness, it’s a normal
part of life. Employers should be offering an appropriate amount of time off/support to employees so GPs don’t need to spend time on something that is not really in their remit (unless it is very excessive/prolonged).