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Original poster

Forced to stay on and was late picking up children?

97 replies

Clarebear81 · 09/09/2023 07:27

I have been ruminating over this all night and still bloody raging tbh. I don’t know who I’m more raging at, me for letting it happen or my boss for doing it.

Basically I am only in my job a couple of months, I have suffered a lot of imposter syndrome tbh be honest, probably because I’m a perfectionist, I am hard on myself sometimes and overthink everything but besides that.

Tight deadline yesterday evening, the boss asked us to stay on, most of us did, I said could only do 90 mins as had kids to pick up. I stayed 90 mins, most of my coworkers had left and we were almost finished anyway. I said to the manager “Right I’m going” no problem he said “I appreciate you staying”. The way it should be I guess. Walked past the boss “I’m away”. “No you’re not finish that off” “But I’ve ki…….” Cut me off, “finish it”!!

I finished it like a bear and banged and slapped in temper and he knew it. Walked past him didn’t look his direction, I was 20 mins late for kids.

Boss is also owner I will add. How do I handle this I am still bloody raging, I’ve never been treated like that before, basically forced. I appreciate the pressure was on him but he became a pure asshole.

OP posts:
BingoandBlueyForever · 09/09/2023 07:33

You walk out and go and get your kids.

Darkdiamond · 09/09/2023 07:38

i would be looking for another job. I would resent being told to stay when I'd kids to pick up and also dislike the way your boss spoke to you. Red flags everywhere. Its important for me to work in a professional setting which recognises my family commitments.

MichelleScarn · 09/09/2023 07:42

Who had care of dc and how late were you? Boss sounds an arse!

Original poster
Clarebear81 · 09/09/2023 07:43

I worry about becoming a job hopper, I’m only in this job 2 months, the last one something similar which was also a disaster. Since I got made redundant from a long term job work in general has been a disaster.

I can’t decide is it me that’s the problem? But then I think my longest job was almost 11 years, or have employers become toxic?

OP posts:
Original poster
Clarebear81 · 09/09/2023 07:43

Kids were at school, a teacher stays on for an hour or so for this kind of situation

OP posts:
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 09/09/2023 07:45

What sort if school keeps kids til the evening?

Original poster
Clarebear81 · 09/09/2023 07:47

Kids finish at 3.30pm, there’s after school things that go on until near 6pm, sports and clubs and the likes so there are always teachers about, they don’t all just head for the gates with the kids

OP posts:
IfYouDontAsk · 09/09/2023 07:50

It’s very unfair of you to have caused a teacher to stay late because you weren’t assertive enough to say “that’s not possible. I have to collect my children.” Teachers are no after school childcare.

If you’re in the sort of job where your finish time may unavoidably be delayed then you need to have appropriate childcare in place for this.

If you’re not in that kind of job then you need to set clear expectations with your employer about when you need to leave due to childcare and that needs to be non negotiable.

IfYouDontAsk · 09/09/2023 07:51

But even if the teachers are around, if they’re not officially due to be providing your children with childcare at that time it’s taking the piss to be late when it was totally avoidable.

flyingsaucersandjellybeans · 09/09/2023 07:51

IfYouDontAsk · 09/09/2023 07:50

It’s very unfair of you to have caused a teacher to stay late because you weren’t assertive enough to say “that’s not possible. I have to collect my children.” Teachers are no after school childcare.

If you’re in the sort of job where your finish time may unavoidably be delayed then you need to have appropriate childcare in place for this.

If you’re not in that kind of job then you need to set clear expectations with your employer about when you need to leave due to childcare and that needs to be non negotiable.

I think that's a really unfair way of looking at it lots of people would be taken aback if spoken to by managers like the way OP was.

TheCrystalPalace · 09/09/2023 07:52

Staff at my school don't "just head for the gates with the kids" either. Most are there until at least 5pm, usually later. But we are NOT there to provide free childcare. In my school (and many others) your child would have been put in the after school club and you would have been charged. Your boss is way out of line if you have caring responsibilities. Would he have been prepared to pay for any fine you incurred?

RadioFoot · 09/09/2023 07:52

That sounds very stressful! Give the job one more chance.

Noorandapples · 09/09/2023 07:52

I agree with others, you have to be more assertive, even if he tells you you're fired you can't let your boss come before your children.

LaurieFairyCake · 09/09/2023 07:54

You need to learn to be assertive Flowers

The banging about and showing him you're not happy is MUCH worse than saying calmly. "I'm unable to stay later than this as I have other responsibilities"

You can raise a grievance for bullying as clearly he was aggressive with you

BlueWhale47 · 09/09/2023 07:55

You should have just left - you had already stayed extra. No way would I be late for pick up to stay longer for someone barking orders at me.

Original poster
Clarebear81 · 09/09/2023 07:57

Exactly, I was taken aback by it, caught unprepared, just seconds before the manager thanked me for my efforts, I didn’t actually need to speak to the boss I was just being polite. I’ve ran over it in my head all night “should have said this, should have done that” Grrr

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Original poster
Clarebear81 · 09/09/2023 07:59

I’ll see how it plays out on Monday now the jobs complete and the stress has gone. I’ll put this down to him just being stressed but now I know the type of him I will be prepared the next time. I appreciate we all get stressed but I was doing him a favour and he acted like a total dick.

OP posts:
Weedoormatnomore · 09/09/2023 07:59

Find a new job. I have just resigned evertime the manager would ignore me and start asking me questions 5 mins before I finished. Kept getting told couldn't take holiday as someone else was off they worked different department! last week only two of us I as rest on holiday so made no sense.
I was a perfectionist and just wanted to make sure everything was done correctly.
Manager just kept demanding more to be done. I did emails pointing out I had holiday to take 3 wks at end of the holiday year! In the end I snapped and resigned while manager was on 3rd holiday in 2months none where prebooked on calender.
Some bosses are just awful!

FunkyMonks · 09/09/2023 08:00

Op I feel for you it's highly unfair on women these days with children and it always falls on the woman to sacrifice her career to be there for the children.

I know easier said than done I've worked in some
Toxic places but really slamming and banging I get it was all in the heat of the moment and again I've been there and done similar but upon reflection it's made me realise how much of a tit I must have looked and come across instead of taking a deep breathe and explaining the situation sorry I am unable to stay any later there's no one else to
Collect the children and I don't have any provision for after school clubs.
Had I been made aware earlier of the severity of this deadline then perhaps I could have arranged to have started earlier or arranged my partner or family member to collect them etc.

Best thing you can do if you can't do it face to face is send an email to the boss explaining situation and that you need more notice if your hours are going to go over contract hours.

amidsummernightsdream · 09/09/2023 08:00

You should have spoken up for yourself and your kids. You had already stayed 90 mins. You could have calmly stated that and told your boss your kids were at school so it was impossible and had to go. Telling not asking in a calm way.

There was no point in staying under duress- banging and slapping in temper. I mean come on, that’s just ridiculous. You wont have been thought of well anyway, so you might as well have just walked out. Completely pointless!

Next time please advocate for yourself!

but yes your boss is an arse for sure. And it must have been very stressful. I would be on the look out for a new job of I was you. This doesnt seem a good place to work. Again make some good decisions for you and your children.

Totalwasteofpaper · 09/09/2023 08:01

BingoandBlueyForever · 09/09/2023 07:33

You walk out and go and get your kids.

This.

And on your way out say "i am leaving now and that is not an acceptable way to speak to me"
Keep stock phrases in your pocket for moments like this.

JassyRadlett · 09/09/2023 08:02

I'd seek a conversation with your boss, sharpish. It will be difficult and you'll need to be really direct: "I was very taken aback by you demanding I stay back the other evening when you knew I had commitments to collect my children; I also found your tone to be very inappropriate. You were aware of my childcare commitments and while you asked me to stay on, you didn't ask the same of other colleagues. This has cost me money in terms of child care fines (do your school not charge for keeping the kids) and my children were obviously very upset. I can't have this happening as a regular occurrence so I wanted to discuss with you how to avoid it in the future."

But you also need not to undermine yourself by giving into displays of temper. Totally get that you're raging but for some arses like your boss, you behaving like that will make them feel justified or whatever.

Original poster
Clarebear81 · 09/09/2023 08:02

Doubt it. They have like a social club at school, a place with pool tables and machines and the likes, they were just hanging out in there, they were fine, but that’s not the point really.

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Original poster
Clarebear81 · 09/09/2023 08:05

Yep they are. When I started I noticed not many worker, I enquired why “No one wants to work here” my colleague said. Now I see why.

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Original poster
Clarebear81 · 09/09/2023 08:06

While I love that I can see a statement like that being met with “On your bike dear” some bosses are just dicks, it’s so what I want or else

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