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Original poster

Forced to stay on and was late picking up children?

97 replies

Clarebear81 · 09/09/2023 07:27

I have been ruminating over this all night and still bloody raging tbh. I don’t know who I’m more raging at, me for letting it happen or my boss for doing it.

Basically I am only in my job a couple of months, I have suffered a lot of imposter syndrome tbh be honest, probably because I’m a perfectionist, I am hard on myself sometimes and overthink everything but besides that.

Tight deadline yesterday evening, the boss asked us to stay on, most of us did, I said could only do 90 mins as had kids to pick up. I stayed 90 mins, most of my coworkers had left and we were almost finished anyway. I said to the manager “Right I’m going” no problem he said “I appreciate you staying”. The way it should be I guess. Walked past the boss “I’m away”. “No you’re not finish that off” “But I’ve ki…….” Cut me off, “finish it”!!

I finished it like a bear and banged and slapped in temper and he knew it. Walked past him didn’t look his direction, I was 20 mins late for kids.

Boss is also owner I will add. How do I handle this I am still bloody raging, I’ve never been treated like that before, basically forced. I appreciate the pressure was on him but he became a pure asshole.

OP posts:
Nowanextraone · 09/09/2023 08:06

Oh you poor thing, I totally understand how shocked you must have been to be spoken to like that. Also the fact that I am always anxious to not piss anyone off at work incase of getting a bad reference when I leave, or god.forbid sacked due to the cost of living!

I'm so sorry that happened to you

woowowsanti · 09/09/2023 08:08

Wow your boss sounds like such a dick. You can't just leave your kids at school. Could you do some wfh? Also why not just put your kids in wrap around?

WhatsTheWorstThatCldHappen · 09/09/2023 08:10

What task was so important that you had to be late picking up your kids? We're the manager and big boss helping too?!

Whatswhatwhichiswhich · 09/09/2023 08:11

I don’t understand why you stayed? Next time you just laugh, tell him no and carry on walking. He’s not going to physically restrain you and chain you to your desk is he.

Montydin · 09/09/2023 08:11

I would actively avoid small companies where the owner is also the boss and they don’t have HR departments. Look for something in a larger company.

MikeRafone · 09/09/2023 08:14

I’d write to them and state that this will not be repeated. The children being late picking up has serious repercussions as their minders have a duty of care and also their own obligations. It’s not acceptable

you had said 90 minutes previously that you’d need to leave and other staff had already left.

Original poster
Clarebear81 · 09/09/2023 08:14

Yes, I’m exactly the same and because I’m only there 2 months too.

OP posts:
FlickyCrumble · 09/09/2023 08:15

Have the school fined you? Where is this school that has a social club?

Original poster
Clarebear81 · 09/09/2023 08:15

They actually do have an HR person but it’s the bosses niece lol. So know the way that will go

OP posts:
MsRosley · 09/09/2023 08:17

Best thing you can do if you can't do it face to face is send an email to the boss explaining situation and that you need more notice if your hours are going to go over contract hours.

This. Get it in writing. You might need it one day if you stay. If you leave, you can probably hide the job on your CV if it's only two months. Just say you went abroad or something.

OnAFrolicOfMyOwn · 09/09/2023 08:19

I said to the manager “Right I’m going” no problem he said “I appreciate you staying”. The way it should be I guess. Walked past the boss “I’m away”.

You're better off leaving quietly, no need to announce that you're going and open the door to challenges.

Banana1979 · 09/09/2023 08:23

I take it this is a private school your children go to? Most state schools won’t tolerate more than five minutes late pick up.
if you like this job and feel that you may have to stay on from time to time, I would arrange after school clubs where there is a definite late pick up time or a childminder

Porageeater · 09/09/2023 08:26

Your imposter syndrome is making you second guess yourself but it most definitely him that is an arse. He should not have spoken to you like that and any staying on out of contracted hours is by explicit consent. I agree you should put this in an e mail.

jkkdiehab · 09/09/2023 08:28

You're a grown woman with dependents, you've got to learn to be assertive. I just couldn't ever imagine having gone back to my desk in this situation. I appreciate it's worrying when you need a salary, but you could have handled that situation much better, I wouldn't be surprised if your manager walks all over you now in other ways.

peanutbutterandbananas · 09/09/2023 08:32

He sounds awful. It is not your fault. I am surprised at the comments. It is right to find a workplace that supports you having children so if it happens again or if you do find you need to leave, you shouldn't feel bad about it or worry about how it looks on CV, as it will be worth it when you are at somewhere supportive. If there's anyone else there will kids you can chat to that could be helpful. Don't let it ruin your weekend!

HunterHearstHelmsley · 09/09/2023 08:38

Playing devils advocate here so no need to jump on me!

What kind of job is it? Is it set hours, or is it one of those "stay until the job is done" roles?

I'm personally very much in favour of set hours because everyone (caring responsibilities or not) needs to know what is expected of them but this isn't the case in every job.

Jk987 · 09/09/2023 08:39

You're manager said 'I appreciate you staying' then went back on his word? Or are they 2 different people in different rooms?

Jifmicroliquid · 09/09/2023 08:41

Some bosses are just idiots. Many years ago I dragged myself into work not feeling that well after having what I thought was a simple cold for a few days. By lunchtime it was clear that something wasn’t right as I was breathless, my chest crackly and I felt absolutely dreadful. My colleagues were telling me to go home and that they could see me deteriorating infront of them. I told my manager I needed to go home as I felt so unwell and he told me I couldn’t go until I finished x, y and z. I was simply just an admin assistant for a small shop and none of the jobs were urgent or even needed doing that day.
I was only young at the time and did as I was told and stayed for a couple more hours, feeling myself going downhill by the minute.
By the time I got home I was in a right mess and it turned out I had a severe chest infection requiring antibiotics and time off work. I barely left my bed for the next 4 days.
Thinking back I can’t believe he demanded I stay to do such menial tasks and can only assume it was a power thing. I didn’t stay at that job for long.

Allwelcone · 09/09/2023 08:47

Have a chat with ypur manager who thanked you.

Say you were surprised the boss spoke to you like that after you'd stayed late and although you are dedicated, flexible and prepared to give in 110% etc, you do have childcare responsibilities. Ask your manager to raise it woth the boss.
Or raise it with the boss calmly yourself.

Caffeineislife · 09/09/2023 08:48

Your boss was an arse. Start looking for another job. 2 months is really easy to hide in a CV. If you need money, try temping. Many temp roles go permanent for the right person.

Photio · 09/09/2023 08:51

That sounds a really horrible and stressful situation OP and I can see why it's playing over and over in your head, I'd be the same.

I would go in on Monday and calmly explain to boss that this can't happen again because you were late to pick up your children and therefore someone else also had to stay on late to supervise them.
And have that stock phrase ready and well rehearsed if it happens again "sorry I can't stay, I've got kids to pick up. Bye" and don't engage further, get your coat and keep heading out the door.

I take it they're paying you overtime? I'd start looking for another job too, preferably not a small company with owner/boss there and family member as HR. These places can really put you at the beck and call of the owner and if you're face doesn't fit you're out

Iammetoday · 09/09/2023 08:53

I'm a teacher and would be raging if you made me late for my children just because your boss said to stay! As a parent you say no sorry I have to collect my children and go! I do t see why you are raging- no one can make you stay, the boss asked you and you chose to stay!

always2323 · 09/09/2023 08:56

I'd be off! Sod that!
I wouldn't be too quick to just leave your kids at school either. School is not for unpaid childcare!

There are care clubs at some schools for those that pay in advance and whom the care club are expecting. They will be run on child:adult ratio and are not there to pick up adults disregarded parenting responsibilities.

Extra curricula after school clubs are also planned for in advance and are often free for the children that have booked on the club, these are run by teachers and sometimes support staff who get no extra pay to teach an extra class after compulsory education hours - this is purely voluntary. Don't take the piss out of these by thinking it's okay because there's always a teacher about.

You chose to stay at work over your kids - that's not you bosses fault. You should have said no.
Next time say no or arrange after school club

LadyKenya · 09/09/2023 08:59

Jk987 · 09/09/2023 08:39

You're manager said 'I appreciate you staying' then went back on his word? Or are they 2 different people in different rooms?

Yes this. Where was the manager while all this was going on, I wonder.

LadyKenya · 09/09/2023 09:02

You should have asserted that you had already stayed later than usual, your children must be picked up. Your other colleagues managed to leave.

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