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Original poster

Forced to stay on and was late picking up children?

97 replies

Clarebear81 · 09/09/2023 07:27

I have been ruminating over this all night and still bloody raging tbh. I don’t know who I’m more raging at, me for letting it happen or my boss for doing it.

Basically I am only in my job a couple of months, I have suffered a lot of imposter syndrome tbh be honest, probably because I’m a perfectionist, I am hard on myself sometimes and overthink everything but besides that.

Tight deadline yesterday evening, the boss asked us to stay on, most of us did, I said could only do 90 mins as had kids to pick up. I stayed 90 mins, most of my coworkers had left and we were almost finished anyway. I said to the manager “Right I’m going” no problem he said “I appreciate you staying”. The way it should be I guess. Walked past the boss “I’m away”. “No you’re not finish that off” “But I’ve ki…….” Cut me off, “finish it”!!

I finished it like a bear and banged and slapped in temper and he knew it. Walked past him didn’t look his direction, I was 20 mins late for kids.

Boss is also owner I will add. How do I handle this I am still bloody raging, I’ve never been treated like that before, basically forced. I appreciate the pressure was on him but he became a pure asshole.

OP posts:
SilverGlitterBaubles · 09/09/2023 09:02

Your boss sounds like someone who never had to worry about picking kids up from school or nursery and left all that woman's work to his wife.

I would be arranging a meeting with him and your manager who thanked you to clear the air and to make it clear that you absolutely must leave work at certain time because of school pick up.

JudgeRudy · 09/09/2023 09:03

I think you were incredibly selfish to essentially dump on the teaching staff and your reply indicates a real lack of ownership for this.
I wasn't there, I've not met your boss. Everyone's saying what an arse they are and yes their whole tone was unacceptable however they were likely under immense stress and a simple 'Er excuse me!' might have been all that was required.
If you genuinely believe you were forced to stay I think you're correct to have imposter syndrome. I don't think you do. I think you're angry at yourself for allowing this to happen and it's not sitting comfortably.
You're not a robot, you're a person with feelings and I get why you agreed to stay, but however rude they were, thats what happened, you agreed to stay.
No need to walk out from the job just think about how you might handle future situations like this.

Inkpotlover · 09/09/2023 09:04

You mentioned most of the others had left. Are you the only person who could've finished that particular task, @Clarebear81? If you're not, it smacks of discrimination that because you mentioned needing to leave at a certain time to collect your DC he made a point of singling you out to stay later.

Original poster
Clarebear81 · 09/09/2023 09:06

No it’s set hours, it’s just the way things worked out yesterday, things didn’t run according to plan we all ran behind, so in order to meet the deadline we stayed on, or we done them a favour by staying on.

OP posts:
Original poster
Clarebear81 · 09/09/2023 09:07

I think everyone else just gradually sneaked off, I never noticed this until I went to go myself lol, I think the boss noticed though which possibly put him in a temper and I got the full force of it

OP posts:
Greenwitchhorse · 09/09/2023 09:08

This is not going to get any better OP, time to find a new role.

High staff turnover is always a sign of poor working practices.

If you have been in a job for 2 months only you can just choose not to even feature it on your CV.

Original poster
Clarebear81 · 09/09/2023 09:09

True. I’m mad at myself I guess for letting myself get walked over like that. But I’ve never experienced that or been in that situation before. I’ll be ready the next time

OP posts:
Inkpotlover · 09/09/2023 09:12

Clarebear81 · 09/09/2023 09:07

I think everyone else just gradually sneaked off, I never noticed this until I went to go myself lol, I think the boss noticed though which possibly put him in a temper and I got the full force of it

He sounds like a terrible manager. If you want staff to stay late to help meet a deadline you need to be respectful in how you ask and oversee the overtime session to manage the workflow. If people were able to sneak off, he clearly wasn't paying attention and that's on him. I agree you need to put it in writing that the overall lack of planning and his aggressiveness meant you felt too scared to go to collect your DC on time, despite making it clear earlier in the day that you absolutely had to leave at x o'clock.

KimKardashiansKarpetKrab · 09/09/2023 09:29

He's your boss, not your jailer. He behaved completely unreasonably, but your imposter syndrome encouraged you to buy into it, rather than see it as the bullying nonsense it was.

Photio · 09/09/2023 09:31

Clarebear81 · 09/09/2023 09:06

No it’s set hours, it’s just the way things worked out yesterday, things didn’t run according to plan we all ran behind, so in order to meet the deadline we stayed on, or we done them a favour by staying on.

So basically he made you donate a couple of hours of your own free time to his business.
No-one minds 10 or 15 mins but next time it's something like that agree payment terms before you commit in the first place

Goldbar · 09/09/2023 09:32

In future, don't engage beyond "I need to leave now, I'm afraid. I need to collect my children from school and can't be late for them otherwise there is no one to look after them."

You should have walked out but I can see how you were blindsided and intimidated by his aggression.

DinnaeFashYersel · 09/09/2023 09:33

i am leaving now and that is not an acceptable way to speak to me"
Keep stock phrases in your pocket for moments like this

This is great advice.

But you need to leave. You can't put this in a teacher. You must pick up your kids.

Beseen22 · 09/09/2023 09:39

What if the teachers had their own kids to pick up but were stuck because they have a duty of care to stay with your kids?

Are you being paid for the extra almost 2 hours or getting time off in lieu? I don't understand why everyone is saying "sorry I have to leave". I'm not sorry, it's his problem for not managing the situation well enough that staff had to stay behind hours.

If you are 2 months in, take it as a warning. It will not get any better and he has shown his colours when he gets stressed. I once popped in to see my boss at her request to sign a quick form with the kids and she shouted at me like a toddler in front of my children. I handed in my notice that day. If the service wasn't staffed to the absolute minimum so that if can't cope with any slight increase in workload them we wouldn't be having this problem.

FUPAgirl · 09/09/2023 09:45

I would have found it hard to say no too op but what you did on the school is completely unacceptable. You are annoyed at what your boss did to you, but you did the exact same thing to the teacher, which is equally as bad. IMO you are focussing on the impact on you instead of the bigger picture.

BaronessEllarawrosaurus · 09/09/2023 09:46

I assume that your dc are secondary age, the school sounds similar to my eldest in which case depending exactly when you picked them up is how much notice they'd take. If it was after 6 then it would be noted for safeguarding purposes, if before and you were just later than your dc expected then it wouldn't matter.

Your boss however is an asshole, next time say no to staying at all. Leave like so many others did at the usual time

Chippy4me · 09/09/2023 09:49

Goldbar · 09/09/2023 09:32

In future, don't engage beyond "I need to leave now, I'm afraid. I need to collect my children from school and can't be late for them otherwise there is no one to look after them."

You should have walked out but I can see how you were blindsided and intimidated by his aggression.

I completely agree.

My child has no childcare and so I cannot leave much later than planned.

We’ve had ofsted a couple of times and many people stay until about 9pm sorting stuff out.
I have to be quite firm and say I need to go.
If someone told me no I would just walk out.

You didn’t tell him that you had childcare and so he wasn’t to know. He also sounded stressed over the issue and was snappy.

You have to stick to your guns in future.

But I would let this slide and forget about it and then see what the job is like before deciding whether to quit or not.

Goldbar · 09/09/2023 10:15

FUPAgirl · 09/09/2023 09:45

I would have found it hard to say no too op but what you did on the school is completely unacceptable. You are annoyed at what your boss did to you, but you did the exact same thing to the teacher, which is equally as bad. IMO you are focussing on the impact on you instead of the bigger picture.

I agree in principle but it takes very strong boundaries to stand up to this sort of male aggression, especially when you're caught off guard, and women aren't socialised to do this. We're socialised to conciliate and appease. Hopefully the OP will be better armoured to deal with such situations in future.

Original poster
Clarebear81 · 09/09/2023 10:36

It’s was only 30 mins max I was late. They were happy enough anyway. Everyone seems to think the teachers were inconvenienced, this was a youth club type thing, it’s open at lunch time and after school and a few late evenings, it’s something ran by the school the give kids something to do. It was going to be open anyway whether my kids were there or not.

OP posts:
DelphiniumBlue · 09/09/2023 10:39

How come most of your co-workers had left before you? Was there some sort of unspoken race not to be the last one there because they know what boss is like?

GrazingSheep · 09/09/2023 10:41

this was a youth club type thing, it’s open at lunch time and after school and a few late evenings, it’s something ran by the school the give kids something to do. It was going to be open anyway whether my kids were there or not.

But do you not have to inform the school that your kids are going to be there?

neilyoungismyhero · 09/09/2023 10:50

I worked in one if the largest transport companies in the world - we were short staffed and I ended up doing a 13 hour shift (8 hours normally) and was then asked to stay on even later, it's not only small companies who take the piss.

Original poster
Clarebear81 · 09/09/2023 11:11

Oh maybe. I’m the newbie. Yeah looked around all gone said nothing to no one. They must have known what he’s like

OP posts:
Original poster
Clarebear81 · 09/09/2023 11:12

No, you do have to be a member of it, you sign in etc and pay £1.

OP posts:
JassyRadlett · 09/09/2023 12:40

If you can take the financial hit it might be better to call it quits on this one now before it becomes a big CV gap - the setup sounds pretty toxic

Sherrystrull · 09/09/2023 12:45

Wow. So your time is precious but not the teaching staff?