Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Work

Chat with other users about all things related to working life on our Work forum.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Forced to stay on and was late picking up children?

97 replies

Clarebear81 · 09/09/2023 07:27

I have been ruminating over this all night and still bloody raging tbh. I don’t know who I’m more raging at, me for letting it happen or my boss for doing it.

Basically I am only in my job a couple of months, I have suffered a lot of imposter syndrome tbh be honest, probably because I’m a perfectionist, I am hard on myself sometimes and overthink everything but besides that.

Tight deadline yesterday evening, the boss asked us to stay on, most of us did, I said could only do 90 mins as had kids to pick up. I stayed 90 mins, most of my coworkers had left and we were almost finished anyway. I said to the manager “Right I’m going” no problem he said “I appreciate you staying”. The way it should be I guess. Walked past the boss “I’m away”. “No you’re not finish that off” “But I’ve ki…….” Cut me off, “finish it”!!

I finished it like a bear and banged and slapped in temper and he knew it. Walked past him didn’t look his direction, I was 20 mins late for kids.

Boss is also owner I will add. How do I handle this I am still bloody raging, I’ve never been treated like that before, basically forced. I appreciate the pressure was on him but he became a pure asshole.

OP posts:

IfYouDontAsk · 09/09/2023 12:58

So are your kids members of this after school club or not? Because if you’ve signed up and the teachers didn’t stay late for you (ie you didn’t collect them after the after school club had finished), I don’t understand how that's classed as you being late?

or are you saying that your kids aren’t signed up to the after school club, but you don’t think you inconvenienced the teachers by being late to pick your children up because they were already looking after the children whose parents had booked and paid for the after school club?

BaronessEllarawrosaurus · 09/09/2023 13:57

If it's anything like our school the facilities are open and they just go and use them, yes they sign in simply so staff knows who is still on site but it doesn't need pre booking. As well as the standard after school clubs ie sports and interests there's the homework club, resource room (for computer access - that does need booking to reserve a computer) then the social room which has sofas to sit and chat and a pool table. This is a state secondary school but in a deprived area where some children would probably prefer to spend longer away from home.

whyisitallsohard · 09/09/2023 14:06

i think you need to detail and write down what happened and how you were made to feel. this is a HR issue. maybe consider employment tribunal but seek advice from citizens advice bureau. be professional at work in the mean time and if it comes up in a meeting etc, you say the company put your children at risk (if they were). the way your boss spoke to you is uncalled for.

Original poster

Clarebear81 · 10/09/2023 11:28

Sounds exactly like mine

OP posts:

viques · 10/09/2023 11:32

Clarebear81 · 09/09/2023 07:47

Kids finish at 3.30pm, there’s after school things that go on until near 6pm, sports and clubs and the likes so there are always teachers about, they don’t all just head for the gates with the kids

So the teachers are there WORKING, not providing free childcare. Would you be happy for your boss to dump his kids on you to mind because you are there anyway?

Lovingitallnow · 10/09/2023 11:34

I think you're a bit of a hypocrite. You keep saying it's fine to be late for the kids and they were fine and the teachers weren't inconvenienced. So if it was all so fine why didn't you just stay late? Because it's not really fine. You're showing the same respect to the teachers as your boss did to you.

Totaly · 10/09/2023 11:40

Plus next time don’t stay for 90 mins be clear - I need to leave by 4:30 to collect the children.

Jammylou · 10/09/2023 13:08

If yiur boss was asking you to stay over past your contracted hours then it is out of order for him to demand you system longer.
I would have stood my ground and said I have to go now to collect my kids.
He sounds a bully anyway so this will happen again.
Get a new job.

Runningforitall · 10/09/2023 15:17

Admittedly I haven't read all the posts but echo on those I have read. It's difficult when you're new to a role but having been through similar I would be advocating for myself and my DC...also looking for another job, no second chances there.

Moving onto your point about worrying about being a job hopper, you would clearly be moving from this job with justifiable reasons as your previous one. I would view a job hopper as someone's moves from job to job with no justifiable reason. Something that affects your wellbeing or that of your children, toxic culture, difficulties with earnings, no progression, misold a job, bullying etc. are all justifiable reasons and you are not a job hopper just a bit unfortunate (I do also think some work places have turned rather toxic).

goingtotown · 10/09/2023 15:20

Clarebear81 · 09/09/2023 07:43

Kids were at school, a teacher stays on for an hour or so for this kind of situation

Your boss doesn't know that.

RiaOverTheRainbow · 10/09/2023 15:34

Depending on the age of your dc, school may have an "uncollected child" policy - if a parent or other agreed adult doesn't collect the child by X time police and social services are called. You need to either set up emergency childcare or be prepared to walk out of work, school staff are neither required nor allowed to just hang about indefinitely.

MidnightOnceMore · 10/09/2023 15:37

IfYouDontAsk · 09/09/2023 07:50

It’s very unfair of you to have caused a teacher to stay late because you weren’t assertive enough to say “that’s not possible. I have to collect my children.” Teachers are no after school childcare.

If you’re in the sort of job where your finish time may unavoidably be delayed then you need to have appropriate childcare in place for this.

If you’re not in that kind of job then you need to set clear expectations with your employer about when you need to leave due to childcare and that needs to be non negotiable.

This is an unfair reply, the op was in a very difficult position

Seagullchippy · 10/09/2023 15:38

Clarebear81 · 09/09/2023 07:57

Exactly, I was taken aback by it, caught unprepared, just seconds before the manager thanked me for my efforts, I didn’t actually need to speak to the boss I was just being polite. I’ve ran over it in my head all night “should have said this, should have done that” Grrr

It sounds like classic abuser behaviour on your boss's part, pretending to be friendly then bullying you.

I would have felt threatened and would have been paralysed into 'freeze' or 'fawn' mode as an instant reaction.

It's horrible to be put into that situation and it's not your fault: you were taken by surprise. Feeling shame and blaming yourself afterwards is a natural response, but the shame and blame lie on him.

Looking forward, you now know what he's like, so need some assertive sentences ready.

IfYouDontAsk · 11/09/2023 13:03

MidnightOnceMore · 10/09/2023 15:37

This is an unfair reply, the op was in a very difficult position

Show quote history

I agree that the OP was put in an unfair and difficult situation by the boss- I would have been upset if my new boss tried to make me stay late after I’d explained that I had childcare commitments. What I don’t agree with is passing the difficulty onto someone else, rather than deal with the difficult situation head on. No, it wouldn’t be comfortable to say no to the boss and leave but it would be the right thing to do (and by setting that clear boundary from day one the boss might be less likely to try to pull this stunt again).
Being a parent often involves having to be more assertive than we naturally feel comfortable with.

CremeEggThief · 11/09/2023 20:33

Your kids come first over work always. You made a massive mistake by not walking out in time to get them.

CrystalVision · 16/09/2023 12:42

What happened next OP??

CaptainMyCaptain · 16/09/2023 12:45

IfYouDontAsk · 09/09/2023 07:51

But even if the teachers are around, if they’re not officially due to be providing your children with childcare at that time it’s taking the piss to be late when it was totally avoidable.

This. The teacher would have had other work to get on with or might have needed to go and collect her own children. Teachers are not free child care just because they are in the building.

By assuming the teacher will do it you are doing exactly what your boss did to you.

SheilaFentiman · 16/09/2023 12:55

There was no teacher staying for these two kids - there is an after school club that the kids signed themselves into.

CaptainMyCaptain · 16/09/2023 13:04

SheilaFentiman · 16/09/2023 12:55

There was no teacher staying for these two kids - there is an after school club that the kids signed themselves into.

And all the teachers in the school are happy about that? If it's an after school club it's unlikely to be run by actual teachers so it sounds like the OP has a hazy idea about who these people are. As a teacher I very much resented having to look after a child after school just because I was there. Of course, I didn't let this show to the child so maybe the OP doesn't realise that either.

SheilaFentiman · 16/09/2023 13:16

From the OP’s posts, it sounds like
it is a “turn up and go” club rather than a pre booked thing. Probably not run by teachers and probably the kids have been before

Vallencia · 16/09/2023 13:21

Your boss was bang out of order, but really, if there is an afterschool facility like that, why not make more use of it, officially? We had something similar and as long as we rang by 3pm and they had space, we could book the kids in (and pay). I used to use it if i knew i was going to have to stay late. But, this type of availability needs communicating and overtime/toil agreed in advance. I'm not sure you'll get that in this role but worth thinking about for the next?

Gillbil · 16/09/2023 17:05

What happened when you went back in? Also forget looking like a job hopper, start looking for a new job asap

Flip

1 2 3 4