KIT meeting was horrible and now I don't want to go back to work :(

[NightandViolets]

I posted recently about missing out on a job at second round interview and being gutted about it. My mat leave is ending soon and I was really keen to find something more local and less pressurised, especially as things have really changed at work recently and I don't feel valued in the way I used to be. But with missing out on this job I've accepted I probably need to go back and keep my ear to the ground for future opps.

I had a KIT meeting last week as I've asked to reduce my hours when I go back. The last meeting was cancelled as I've been very ill recently, so it's been a while.

I'm probably feeling pretty fragile atm but it was so horrible I just don't know where I stand. Everything that I suggested to make my life easier when I go back (eg working from home a little more as I ease in) was just shut down immediately and I was made to feel bad for even asking. My manager kept bringing up her own kids and saying that I shouldn't get any special treatment, and I just didn't know what to say. I asked what we could have in place to make sure that if I reduce hours my work reduces accordingly and I don't get contacted on days off unless urgent, but instead of being supportive they jsut said it was my choice to ask for flexibility, so I've got no confidence that I won't just go back to the same workload and stress levels of before and get paid a lot less for the privilege.

By the end of the meeting I was exhausted and just so shocked at how I'd been spoken to. I hadn't been rude or pushy at any point but they just weren't on the same page as me at all. I don't know where I stand and will keep looking at other jobs but I need to be realistic that I probably need to go back. How do I recover from this?

I think the problem is deep down you know this role and your commute are ill suited to life with a young family.

The meeting has just confirmed that.

You need to keep looking for other work and try and keep as much of the discussion about your return to email. It's easier that way to make your case and remove the emotion.

If I remember correctly you are also the poster who lost out narrowly on another job where they cited lack of confidence? But again you mentioned flexible working in the interview.

There's nothing wrong with making this request but don't do it in the interview. Like the K iT meeting, the tone can go awry and it can leave the impression you are not committed ( it shouldn't but it does). Wait for them to want you and then negotiate.

from a cynical view point I have worked with managers and HR who will leverage this sort of request and subsequent refusal so that the staff member leaves. It’s dreadful but “ refusing a flexible working request for business reasons” will be the headline, however it might be a cover to manage out. It does happen and it’s all very strategic.

They are correct to ask for your flexible working request in writing

Your employer needs to investigate if your request will work for their business needs

The request needs to be formalised by both parties involved

Might be worth looking elsewhere especially as you’ve a new manager now he’s less keen on flexible working.