KIT meeting was horrible and now I don't want to go back to work :(

[NightandViolets]

I posted recently about missing out on a job at second round interview and being gutted about it. My mat leave is ending soon and I was really keen to find something more local and less pressurised, especially as things have really changed at work recently and I don't feel valued in the way I used to be. But with missing out on this job I've accepted I probably need to go back and keep my ear to the ground for future opps.

I had a KIT meeting last week as I've asked to reduce my hours when I go back. The last meeting was cancelled as I've been very ill recently, so it's been a while.

I'm probably feeling pretty fragile atm but it was so horrible I just don't know where I stand. Everything that I suggested to make my life easier when I go back (eg working from home a little more as I ease in) was just shut down immediately and I was made to feel bad for even asking. My manager kept bringing up her own kids and saying that I shouldn't get any special treatment, and I just didn't know what to say. I asked what we could have in place to make sure that if I reduce hours my work reduces accordingly and I don't get contacted on days off unless urgent, but instead of being supportive they jsut said it was my choice to ask for flexibility, so I've got no confidence that I won't just go back to the same workload and stress levels of before and get paid a lot less for the privilege.

By the end of the meeting I was exhausted and just so shocked at how I'd been spoken to. I hadn't been rude or pushy at any point but they just weren't on the same page as me at all. I don't know where I stand and will keep looking at other jobs but I need to be realistic that I probably need to go back. How do I recover from this?

You're not going to be their favourite employee if you come across negatively. Nothing to do with your work - there's just no reason why they should want to accommodate you or respond enthusiastically if you're not bringing anything positive to the table. Your questions sound like thinly veiled complaints about things that haven't happened yet.

I’m not due back till the autumn. All staff can work from home the same proportion of time unless they do a job that needs to be done in person (just a few of these). Yes I did specify how long I would like this arrangement to be

They know that I’ve had a difficult time recently with health and issues with older child possible SEN. I’m not expecting special treatment because of that but would rather be upfront about it so they’re aware. I’d hoped they might just be a bit more supportive. I’m not in love with the idea of going back to work but I work really hard and have a good track record and relationship with team etc.

Ok, how long did you ask for it for?

and sorry I meant your child should be settled in child care before return.

Baby will have had some settling in sessions before I go back but probably not full days. I asked for it to be a short term thing for first couple of months

Go away

"so I've got no confidence that I won't just go back to the same workload and stress levels of before and get paid a lot less for the privilege."

I'm afraid that was my experience of working part time. Better to compress hours.

Sounds horribly like they're trying to put you off coming back tbh.

Nothing wrong with wanting to explore flexibility. But your employer doesnt have to agree.

I’d rather compress hours but it isn’t possible due to budget and needing cover when I’m not in. I do feel like im being discouraged from coming back unfortunately- this is the latest in a long line of things that has made me feel this way.

I’m afraid you didn’t come across well to me either. I understood KIT days were days for reconnecting with the business, maybe taking training, attending meetings, seeing how things have moved on since you went on leave. All you seem to have done on your KIT day is enquire as to how you can work less and how to make your life easier with no consideration for anything other than your self.

These replies surprise me. They seem a bit outdated - it’s not the 80s anymore and we’re getting a bit more enlightened about the importance of work/life balance. Obviously businesses need to consider how flexible working affects business/client/team needs. But a good employer is going to be mindful that to attract/retain the best workers they need to ensure people can balance work and the rest of their lives. You are not a serf who needs to express wild enthusiasm for returning to work (which can really daunting for a first time parent with lots of unknowns). And, as we saw in lockdown, lots of jobs can be done entirely successfully in hybrid or remote form - and if this is one of them and it’s what employees want, why wouldn’t they try to facilitate this? I’d be feeling really dispirited in your shoes OP and I would keep my eyes open for other jobs.

You need flexibility when baby is sick not to settle them in childcare.

If those doing your childcare are experienced then settling baby in shouldn't be a problem.

what about others is their a policy of wfh for all staff? what is the company policy is it mainly office based or a hybrid?

The replies that you are getting are quite shocking OP.

I think your manager handled your request poorly and she was drawing a false equivalence to talk about herself and other employees with presumably older children.

It's very stressful returning to work after maternity leave as kids tend to pick up numerous bugs in the first few months of childcare.

Would it be possible for you to suggest using accrued annual leave so that you can temporarily drop a day for the first month or so that you return to work? That might be more acceptable to your manager as it wouldn't require a formal contract change, but would take the pressure off a bit when you return.

your focus is different now that you have had a baby, it is going to be tricky perhaps they think you were only interested in sorting out days not in the office rather than getting up to speed etc...it is difficult to know how the tone of the meeting went...

but it sounds like it wasn't handled particularly well from their side.

When you asked for WFH, did you stress to them that you had childcare in place ready so that you wouldn't be looking after your children and working at the same time?

My organisation is reluctant to agree to WFH straight after maternity because we've had a few instances of people using it in place of childcare.

There's also the situation of reintegrating you back into the office, culture and environment whereas at home you're still be isolated.

I have full autonomy to WFH myself, and our staff in roles where it's possible are able to as well. Im just commenting that I can see why WFH straight from MAT leave might not look a good option in their eyes. If they say no, maybe ask if they could consider a couple of months after your return once the initial transition period is over.

I'd start looking for another job- loads offer hybrid and other flexible working now, in fact more jobs did than didn't of a few I looked at yesterday.

Meanwhile you usually accrue annual leave while on mat leave, use it up when you get back, one or two days a week if you are allowed to, until you leave for a new job.

Sorry, I called it a kit meeting and it was but it was specifically to discuss return to work, and requested by them to focus on that. We did start with some general updates as well though.

Not looking to not work while baby is settling in, would just feel more comfortable not to be two hours away in case of any issues in the early stages.

Hybrid

I may ask about this as well but can’t take too much as other child is at school

If the policy is hybrid working, why are they asking you to be in the office 100% of the time?

Yes they know I lined up childcare some time ago so that shouldn’t be an issue. I worked from home through lockdown and pregnancy (due to high risk and agreed by previous manager) and it wasn’t an issue.

They aren’t, but won’t let me reduce it a little more for first couple of months. The working is hybrid but more in the office than at hkme