Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Work

Chat with other users about all things related to working life on our Work forum.

Original poster

Can employer force me to take compassionate leave?

80 replies

Wibblewibbles · 12/05/2023 15:13

My DH has been very unwell and work are trying to get me to agree to take compassionate leave to spend time with him. I don’t want to. Not in a horrible way - just that I find carrying on as normal really beneficial and a way of grounding myself. My quality of work hasn’t suffered. Can they force me to take it even if I don’t want to?

OP posts:
Dustyourselfoff · 12/05/2023 15:15

How are they applying pressure?

And I know you say your work hasn’t suffered but perhaps they think it has. Otherwise what is their motivation?

Precipice · 12/05/2023 15:18

How do they know that your DH is unwell? Just from generally a bit of chat with your colleagues?

Original poster
Wibblewibbles · 12/05/2023 15:20

They have agreed my work output has been the same and all the quality checks have come back fine.

It has been raised by my manager, her manager and HR that I “should” be taking time off. I don’t want to. Surely they can’t make me?

OP posts:
Original poster
Wibblewibbles · 12/05/2023 15:21

Precipice · 12/05/2023 15:18

How do they know that your DH is unwell? Just from generally a bit of chat with your colleagues?

He is seriously unwell and at first I spoke to my boss about it. Just to let him know I needed to adjust my hours which he was fine with. I don’t need anything else.

OP posts:
Dustyourselfoff · 12/05/2023 15:21

They can’t “make” you, no.

But given that’s a lot of people thinking the same… it might be worth considering

could it be that you are impacting others output but taking about your situation?

Original poster
Wibblewibbles · 12/05/2023 15:22

They have also referenced the counselling services that are part of our private medical package. I have taken them up on that so maybe they think I need time off as well.

OP posts:
Dustyourselfoff · 12/05/2023 15:23

Wibblewibbles · 12/05/2023 15:21

He is seriously unwell and at first I spoke to my boss about it. Just to let him know I needed to adjust my hours which he was fine with. I don’t need anything else.

Show quote history

So your adjusted hours. From what to what and could that be the reason ie the adjuster hours don’t suit your employer

Original poster
Wibblewibbles · 12/05/2023 15:23

Dustyourselfoff · 12/05/2023 15:21

They can’t “make” you, no.

But given that’s a lot of people thinking the same… it might be worth considering

could it be that you are impacting others output but taking about your situation?

Maybe. But then I’m happy to stop talking. I only talk when someone asks. I just want to be left alone to do my job which I know I do well.

OP posts:
Original poster
Wibblewibbles · 12/05/2023 15:24

Dustyourselfoff · 12/05/2023 15:23

So your adjusted hours. From what to what and could that be the reason ie the adjuster hours don’t suit your employer

Show quote history

Well I’ll move them back to standard hours if they want that. I just need the distraction of work. And as I’m still doing a good job why can’t I be left alone to do that?!

OP posts:
Dustyourselfoff · 12/05/2023 15:24

I suspect it will be the adjusted don’t work for them and your dad situation is a source of much discussion and they are concerned about distraction and impact on output

Dustyourselfoff · 12/05/2023 15:24

Wibblewibbles · 12/05/2023 15:24

Well I’ll move them back to standard hours if they want that. I just need the distraction of work. And as I’m still doing a good job why can’t I be left alone to do that?!

Show quote history

Because it might not be in the business’ best interest.

Original poster
Wibblewibbles · 12/05/2023 15:25

Dustyourselfoff · 12/05/2023 15:24

Because it might not be in the business’ best interest.

Show quote history

Why though? And I still don’t know if it can be forced leave or not?

OP posts:
theemmadilemma · 12/05/2023 15:25

Do you have a good relationship with your Manager?

In these circumstances I would of course encourage the employee to take all the benefits I am able to provide to them to make their time as easy as possible.

However if we sat down and had a conversation where it was made clear for them carrying on as much as possibly like normal with a shift in working hours was best for me, then I'd let them know the other options were available should things change and otherwise leave them be.

But I would recommend you have that chat, they made not understand your needs.

Dustyourselfoff · 12/05/2023 15:26

Wibblewibbles · 12/05/2023 15:25

Why though? And I still don’t know if it can be forced leave or not?

Show quote history

I have explained why.

Dustyourselfoff · 12/05/2023 15:27

Your manager
Your senior manager
HR

all think you should do this.

Do you not trust them?

Original poster
Wibblewibbles · 12/05/2023 15:27

theemmadilemma · 12/05/2023 15:25

Do you have a good relationship with your Manager?

In these circumstances I would of course encourage the employee to take all the benefits I am able to provide to them to make their time as easy as possible.

However if we sat down and had a conversation where it was made clear for them carrying on as much as possibly like normal with a shift in working hours was best for me, then I'd let them know the other options were available should things change and otherwise leave them be.

But I would recommend you have that chat, they made not understand your needs.

Yes I have a good relationship. I just feel like I’m being asked to behave a certain way and made to feel strange that I don’t want that, if it makes sense? It is starting to upset me. Could you force an employee onto compassionate leave and counselling? Or would it always be their discretion?

OP posts:
RafaistheKingofClay · 12/05/2023 15:28

Have you told them that’s what you need. They may think they are trying to be helpful and taking pressure off you.

Original poster
Wibblewibbles · 12/05/2023 15:28

Dustyourselfoff · 12/05/2023 15:26

I have explained why.

Show quote history

Sorry I mean if I moved my hours back to normal and didn’t discuss it with the wider team why would it be in the business best interest to force me?

OP posts:
Original poster
Wibblewibbles · 12/05/2023 15:29

I have told them. They just asking me to meet more and more people. It’s like they can’t believe anyone would prefer to carry on as normal and like it’s proof I’m broken in some way.

OP posts:
Dustyourselfoff · 12/05/2023 15:30

Wibblewibbles · 12/05/2023 15:28

Sorry I mean if I moved my hours back to normal and didn’t discuss it with the wider team why would it be in the business best interest to force me?

Show quote history

Why don’t you suggest that then?

suggest back to normal hours and refrain from talking about the situation in work hours.

atm you haven’t done anything other than say no

Original poster
Wibblewibbles · 12/05/2023 15:32

Is it my right to say no? Or can it be forced on me? My manager was talking as if they could enforce it if I don’t agree to a couple of weeks “to spend time with DH”.

OP posts:
RafaistheKingofClay · 12/05/2023 15:33

I’ve got a feeling the OP might like to stop talking about it in work hours but people keep asking her.

I suspect this is very much like grief, OP, in that people don’t really know how to react. Your reaction isn’t wrong though.

SweetSakura · 12/05/2023 15:34

I totally understand the need for normality. I think they are behaving really inappropriately personally.

I have always coped better at difficult times by keeping normality going

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 12/05/2023 15:35

Dustyourselfoff · 12/05/2023 15:27

Your manager
Your senior manager
HR

all think you should do this.

Do you not trust them?

Surely they should trust and respect the OP enough to appreciate that she wants to remain working for now?

Original poster
Wibblewibbles · 12/05/2023 15:35

RafaistheKingofClay · 12/05/2023 15:33

I’ve got a feeling the OP might like to stop talking about it in work hours but people keep asking her.

I suspect this is very much like grief, OP, in that people don’t really know how to react. Your reaction isn’t wrong though.

Yes thank you. That’s exactly what it is. I feel like people think I’m some sort of monster for being “normal” in work.

OP posts: