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Can employer force me to take compassionate leave?

80 replies

Wibblewibbles · 12/05/2023 15:13

My DH has been very unwell and work are trying to get me to agree to take compassionate leave to spend time with him. I don’t want to. Not in a horrible way - just that I find carrying on as normal really beneficial and a way of grounding myself. My quality of work hasn’t suffered. Can they force me to take it even if I don’t want to?

OP posts:
notimagain · 12/05/2023 17:10

As @CrapBucket posted:

*I’m sorry for what you are going through.

What role do you do?

I wouldn’t want to be operated on by a surgeon using their job as a way to avoid their feelings in a situation like this,*

Certainly for some roles some employers are going to be thinking about taking measures to CTA if they are aware there stressors outside the workplace, regardless of how well the employee appears to be dealing with things.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 12/05/2023 17:15

Honestly, OP, I would just tell them exactly what you've said on here. That work is essentially your one bit of normality in an otherwise stressful situation where you are allowed to focus on something other than your DH and his illness, and it's beneficial to your mental health to retain that structure and outside interest.

You could perhaps ask them if they have concerns about your performance or whether there are other reasons for wanting you to take time off, but as you've said that they're generally supportive, I suspect that they just haven't quite grasped that continuing to work is what you actually want. They might think you're soldiering on because you think you have to be strong, don't want to let them down etc, and so they're trying to make it easy for you to take the time by forcing the issue. Once they realise that staying in work is genuinely what's best for you right now, they might back off and leave you to it.

I think the only way is to have an honest conversation about why they keep pushing the issue and whether it's due to concerns about you being in work (in which case, can those concerns be addressed somehow) or whether it is about what they consider to be in your best interests (in which case, you need to get them to understand that taking time off won't help you right now).

I would probably put pressure on a conscientious employee to take time off in your situation as I would want them to be in no doubt that it was OK to do so, but if they explained to me - as you have explained above - that maintaining the routine of work was genuinely helpful to them, then I would of course respect their preference.

JoyousPinkPeer · 22/05/2024 19:02

No they can't force you. I would imagine they are offering this as they deem it to be the best support they can give - its pretty normal for good employers to let people have time off when something serious happens like this. Just explain, you need to be in work, with reduced hours for now.

Newlittlerescue · 24/05/2024 07:23

If explaining carefully how you need work to be your normality (and reassuring them that you appreciate and will take up the offer of compassionate leave if needed) doesn't convince them, I would go further and tell them that the constant pressure to take leave makes you feel that they are judging you as a cold person (a "monster") and this itself is making a difficult time harder.

You might really need to spell it out - their concern comes from a good place but it is actually making things worse for you.

ApolloandDaphne · 24/05/2024 07:27

ZOMBIE

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