DH dismissed from work

[user14792792]

Last month DH was sacked from his job for gross misconduct.
I am really worried we live in a very small town where everyone knows each other. I heard from a friend today that everyone is talking about why he was sacked and coming up with different theories.
I don't know how he will find another job if everyone is talking about him and giving him a bad reputation.

Not sure which is worse tbh

I'd say Oxfam were in the wrong then. You can be sacked for poor performance but it's not GM. I say this as a HR person who's worked in charity retail ( not oxfam)

Would it be in his best interests to just be open with people about what happened, especially if they're catastrophising?

my ex was sacked for gross misconduct for swearing in a meeting ( company changed hands and he didn’t fit their demographic so I guess they were looking for a reason) A friend who was working past retirement age got sacked for gross misconduct for using the word fat to someone while struggling to get past them with heavy equipment. She fully apologised but still lost her job. Gross misconduct can be so many things.

Both of those are completely justified imo

Both of those sound pretty bad tbh. I would not swear in a work meeting or call someone fat just because I was struggling to get past them. You’re making excuses for them but they are both examples of unacceptable behaviour in the workplace.

Any employer worth working for will base a decision on an interview and evidence not tittle-tattle.

I am assuming that the dismissal either cannot be appealed against, has been unsuccessfully, and there would be no chance of an employment tribunal getting him re-instated. If I am wrong, your DH needs to seek advice.

If you’re worried about gossip don’t post the reason on here, most are just after more information for gossip themselves so they can judge whether he deserves to be lynched or not (most likely he will be) don’t disclose it’s irrelevant what he did in the context of your question. He will find work, I’ve employed 2 people in last 5 years that lost a previous job for GM. 1 was petty & involved SM & the other was slightly more serious but they were honest & explained the situation & circumstances & I decided to give them a chance & it worked out fine. I’d ignore the gossip (it will stop when they find something better to talk about pathetic people). Also reference’s don’t necessarily need to be from a previous employer, I asked for character references for the 2 I employed. Some companies refuse to give references too just as a company policy so he could always say that if he doesn’t want to disclose. Nobody should be tarred & feathered by less than perfect people nor robbed of future employment just because of a mistake.

Depends on what he did. Without that info, it is hard to advise

People can get sacked for all sorts of reasons. It doesn't (necessarily) mean they're a criminal and that they should be barred from working ever again. OP doesn't need to tell us what he did - you're all as bad as the town gossips. She's not said the sacking was unfair, she's merely worried about the implications.

I know of two people who were sacked for gross misconduct. One was in a call centre who hung up on customers and the other was an office worker who went on holiday and her manager found piles of work on her desk that hadn't been touched in months and she hadn't mentioned to anyone. Both are working again now, in different sectors.

OP it depends on the area he works in. Are we talking the local corner shop which is the reason that everyone knows? If so then see if he can find work in a different town. If it's office work then there are loads of remote working opportunities these days.

He will find something and the gossips will eventually shut up. Don't hide away. You've done nothing wrong and this will pass.

Yes, legally employers can say what they want provided it is true, but in my experience most won't. After all, even if their reference is defendable legally, they are still likely to end up substantially out of pocket if the ex-employee takes action against them.

"Unacceptable" - yes; "Gross Misconduct" - no.

Some companies and managers have no idea of employment law, or choose to ignore it. Gross misconduct is a serious offence, not an excuse to manage out an employee.

Do people really not swear at work? 😂🙈

I know of two people who were sacked for gross misconduct. One was in a call centre who hung up on customers and the other was an office worker who went on holiday and her manager found piles of work on her desk that hadn't been touched in months and she hadn't mentioned to anyone. Both are working again now, in different sectors.

OP tell him to tell people it was one of these two reasons if the real reason is worse.

Exactly what I thought…

My DSis was dismissed for gross misconduct. She agreed terms of bland reference and moved away from the area for a fresh start. It seemed drastic but she lived in a small town where too many people knew what had happened. And it all worked out well in the end

Of course, I swear in front of my trusted colleagues (friends). But not in a meeting, that would be inappropriate.

It really does depend what he did, and whether he can get ahead of it.

Gross misconduct, i.e. instant dismissal, is very, very serious. Considering how litigious employment law can be, the fact that your DH has just accepted it without a fight is also indicative of its severity.

Our Employee handbook says GM is "any behaviour or negligence resulting in a fundamental breach of contractual terms that irrevocably destroys the trust and confidence necessary to continue the employment relationship"

Examples include theft and fraud, physical violence and bullying, deliberate damage to property, deliberate acts of unlawful discrimination or harrassment, possession of or being under the influence of drugs or alcohol, breach of H&S rules that endangers lives, undertaking private work on site, working in competition, doing something that results in adverse publicity, breach of confidentiality.

If, for example, he'd been stealing money or equipment, I think he'd be hard pressed to defend himself with future employers.

If, however, he'd got a side hussle to earn some extra money and got caught doing it at work, it would be a bit easier to soften it at an interview.

If it is true that there is a lot of gossip, the best thing would be to just nip it in the bud and explain what happened. People may think badly of your DH, which could potentially be justified, but at least it would stop the rumour mill.

Your ex was more than likely sacked because they had been repeatedly told not to. Or they went on a sweaty tirade at someone.

You ‘past retirement age’ friend also probably had been spoken to before. But no you don’t call someone fat, especially at work. Though what’s her age for to do with it? You think she should be allowed to call someone fat because she is working last retirement age?

Reference requests don't have to be replied to in full, if at all though.

I regularly get reference requests for former employees and will never answer questions regarding their integrity, etc, even for the best employees.

The last request I had was for an employee I couldn't wait to get shot of, so I'm most certainly not going to say "no" to the question "would you employ this individual again" as their job offer might get rescinded and I'm stuck with them. I'm also not going to say "yes" only for the new employer to come back later and say I provided an incorrect reference.

I will reply with basic facts of start and end dates, but I never get in to personal opinions. I just state "as a firm, it is not our policy to provide detailed references".

My husband is a manager in the NHS and has been told by HR to only supply the most basic references confirming dates of employment but no personal comments

Yes, I'm familiar with this, and it's why I said "some will stick with it out of timidity" rather than all
It's also perfectly true that even a nonsensical claim costs money, but equally true that public service bureaucracies can be more wedded to the word "can't" than most and not always for good reason

Fortunately for many the person-to-person phone call still exists, and IME it would be unusual for a major offence to remain unknown - though whether that's the case in OP's example remains unknown

The reason he was fired was due something he posted on social media which the company takes seriously.
The people spreading the rumours are people who work for the company who Dh knows of but did not work directly with them and does not know them personally.
Some of the rumours are accusing him of stealing and in a small town they are spreading fast, he has been honest with friends and family about why he was fired.

Sounds like your small town is quite malicious and every time you hear the rumour you and your close friends need to shut it down-

oh that’s not actually quite right it was a social media post thing and it’s been resolved now.

What did he post?

I'd be furious with him for doing something so breathtakingly stupid

On the basis of your latest update, I would definitely be getting the truth out there as far and wide as possible:

"Yes, he was dismissed because he was silly and posted something negative about his employer on social media, against their policies. It's not like he robbed the place!"

When he's applying for new jobs, I'd be honest and just say that he'd said something on social media that he shouldn't have and has learned his lesson, so they can be assured it wouldn't happen again.