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Original poster

Asked to swap days off so that maternity appointment will always fall in days off

120 replies

Grapefruitbreakfast · 02/02/2023 09:13

So say I usually have Thu off

Wednesday is the day the midwife is at my drs
so all appoints on wed

work asked me to swap my day off from Thu to wed
so that I can go in my day off but I’ve been really sick and knackered and don’t want to spend half my day off dealing with that

OP posts:
gemloving · 03/02/2023 15:40

@Badger1970 I have Fridays off, pregnant with my third. I have to look after my two kids on Friday. How on earth would I be able to change my midwife appointments to my day off. My employer luckily has never suggested changing them to my day off. It's against the law I believe. They're very supportive and kind. Something you'd expect when you're pregnant. How dare we get pregnant in the first place.

MarshaMelrose · 03/02/2023 15:44

I always used to make gp, dental, optician appointments etc, outside my working hours. The only thing I didn't would be hospital appointments because you have no choice when they are scheduled.
Do people not try to accommodate work and work commitments just because legally they don't have to?
Having said that, skipping out of work for an hour once a month doesn't seem that inconvenient. But taking the whole day off for the appointment would be taking the mick.

ToriLynn · 03/02/2023 15:46

They're not being unreasonable to ask, they're a business and about making money. But you are also not unreasonable to say no. 🤷‍♀️

louise5754 · 03/02/2023 15:49

How many midwife appointments do you have? I thought you only have 2/3? Obviously more for complications/ high risk.

Binfluencer · 03/02/2023 15:55

@gemloving

I have 2 children and I always did my best not to attend appointments in working hours. This meant when I actually needed flexibility due to serious life events my employer was beyond supportive as they knew I understood give and take. If I have to take a child to the doctor in working hours I do, but it's only fair to my employer to minimise this, even if it
Means I end up a bit more tired.

SchoolTripDrama · 03/02/2023 15:56

@HeavenIsAHalfpipe Whilst I completely agree, I think it's worth thinking about how good we actually do have it in this country in regards to maternity. In the US (in most states as far as I know) they get NOTHING. Some decent employers will give them two weeks but it's unpaid!!! Utterly shocking and disgraceful. Mothers are being forced to leave their babies after just a couple of days

PurBal · 03/02/2023 15:57

gemloving · 03/02/2023 15:40

@Badger1970 I have Fridays off, pregnant with my third. I have to look after my two kids on Friday. How on earth would I be able to change my midwife appointments to my day off. My employer luckily has never suggested changing them to my day off. It's against the law I believe. They're very supportive and kind. Something you'd expect when you're pregnant. How dare we get pregnant in the first place.

I completely agree! I had to rearrange my midwife appointments from my day off (which is when I was offered them) to a work day because of childcare, DH would have to take annual leave otherwise. Makes no sense.
I usually use my “days off” to buy groceries and do chores and pre children I had a hobby that couldn’t be shifted.
OP is entitled to antenatal appointments during her work hours.

gemloving · 03/02/2023 16:43

@Binfluencer that is noble of you but you can't expect that from everyone else.

I work 9-5, it's hard to get anything outside that anyway. What I tried was to schedule the appointments on the days I work from home anyway, so I am not away for that long.

Original poster
Grapefruitbreakfast · 03/02/2023 17:54

Seems like a lot of people seem to have missed the part about being sick and tired

OP posts:
Binfluencer · 03/02/2023 18:10

@Grapefruitbreakfast

My point is that you'll NEED flexibility from your employer when the baby is born, when I assure you, you will be MORE sick and tired, compared to pregnancy, so it's wise to build up goodwill now.

I hope you feel better soon

PurBal · 03/02/2023 18:19

@Grapefruitbreakfast I’d originally drafted something that included “days off are for resting” but my toddler wouldn’t agree. You do need to look after yourself, tiredness and sickness notwithstanding it’s not great for your mental health either. You need a break!

inloveandmarried · 03/02/2023 18:50

Suedomin · 03/02/2023 15:25

Why be awkward? Employers aren't the enemy and cultivating their good will is worth doing as a working mother
She isn't being awkward, just defending her rights. If she was a full time worker she would have to have the appointment during work time. Why should she be disadvantaged because she works part time.
It shouldn't be necessary to 'cultivate goodwill' to be treated fairly

She works full time

Princessglittery · 03/02/2023 20:05

Grapefruitbreakfast · 03/02/2023 17:54

Seems like a lot of people seem to have missed the part about being sick and tired

@Grapefruitbreakfast that is why you are not being unreasonable to refuse.

HesDeadBenYouCanStopNow · 04/02/2023 09:00

Grapefruitbreakfast · 03/02/2023 17:54

Seems like a lot of people seem to have missed the part about being sick and tired

I agree, some people have missed that you work full time and your employer wants you to change your rest day to accommodate your maternity appointments.

That is the equivalent of asking someone to come in at the weekend to make up time for a maternity appointment.

The employer is completely out of order. Say you are unable to change your appointment or your rest day and get the rest that you need.

Good luck with your pregnancy

HesDeadBenYouCanStopNow · 04/02/2023 09:04

Binfluencer · 03/02/2023 18:10

@Grapefruitbreakfast

My point is that you'll NEED flexibility from your employer when the baby is born, when I assure you, you will be MORE sick and tired, compared to pregnancy, so it's wise to build up goodwill now.

I hope you feel better soon

You're being unreasonable. Do you think Monday t9 Friday people should have to work a5 the weekend to make up for a maternity appointment? No that sounds unreasonable doesn't it as the law gives you the right to paid time off. But by asking a full time member of staff to swap days to avoid the appointment you are asking them to make up the appointment time and removing the right to paid time for the appointment

plumduck · 04/02/2023 09:07

Its fair enough of them to ask I think, but you can say no and that is also fair enough.

If you're too sick to work then get signed off.

Binfluencer · 04/02/2023 09:08

@HesDeadBenYouCanStopNow

It's not about being unreasonable, it's about the reality of a working mother being SO much harder than being a working pregnant woman and the benefits of building up good will. So maybe your employer will be flexible with you in the future when they don't legally have to be.

ColaBottlesYum · 04/02/2023 09:09

Personally I would but I am that type of employee (i.e. keep them happy even if at my own cost). But you can do what you prefer. Not nice having that pressure on you. How often are your appts that this is an issue?

Craver · 04/02/2023 09:10

If they insist they are breaking employment law and you could take them to industrial tribunal. Depends how much you like your work.

HesDeadBenYouCanStopNow · 04/02/2023 10:42

Binfluencer · 04/02/2023 09:08

@HesDeadBenYouCanStopNow

It's not about being unreasonable, it's about the reality of a working mother being SO much harder than being a working pregnant woman and the benefits of building up good will. So maybe your employer will be flexible with you in the future when they don't legally have to be.

Most employers aren't shit and are reasonable to staff that are pregnant. I don't think an staff member should have to disadvantage themselves just to make sure their employers treat them fairly in the future.

I'd be horrified if one of my team leaders asked this of one of our staff, appalled even

Princessglittery · 04/02/2023 16:00

@HesDeadBenYouCanStopNow so would you be equally horrified/appalled if one of your team asked to swap their non-working day?

HesDeadBenYouCanStopNow · 04/02/2023 17:30

Princessglittery · 04/02/2023 16:00

@HesDeadBenYouCanStopNow so would you be equally horrified/appalled if one of your team asked to swap their non-working day?

If a member of my team asked to work outside of their normal hours in exchange for some time off during their working hours then I would consider it if they could do useful work in those times.

I have done this occasionally allowing people to do some hours in evenings.

I would however not ask them to do it to make up time for a maternity appointment

Princessglittery · 04/02/2023 19:08

@HesDeadBenYouCanStopNow that is not what I asked.

I have not and would never suggest the OP should work the time she takes for an appointment. What I have said is it is not unreasonable for a manager to ask (not compel/force/bully) an employee if they would consider swapping working days and it is not unreasonable for the employee to refuse. You have said you would be horrified and appalled if a manager ever asked the question.

So I ask again, If one of your team asked to swap non-working days would you be horrified and appalled?

My consistent view is in a good employer employer relationship both questions are not unreasonable to ask and both refusals are equally not unreasonable. Flexibility means both parties are open to an adult conversation.

Princessglittery · 04/02/2023 19:09

That should be employer employee relationship.

prescribingmum · 04/02/2023 20:12

@Princessglittery you just don't get it.

I also manage a team and have a very flexible attitude towards my employees. I absolutely agree give and take works both ways and we have a culture where employees can swap NWD for personal reasons as long as business needs are considered/attendance at relevant meetings. Likewise they can take time in the day for personal appointments/children's plays/anything else that comes up within reason etc make up the time as long as they ensure they are available when they know they need to me.

However this case is a full time employee who is pregnant. She has a LEGAL right to have time off for her maternity appointments. A reasonable request would be for her to schedule these are the start or the end of the day so impact on her workload is minimised. Asking her to take them in her own time is absolutely not acceptable and like @HesDeadBenYouCanStopNow , I would be absolutely horrified if any member of my team requested this from an employee. As I have explained multiple times in my previous posts, it is discrimination as someone who works M-F would never be asked to switch an appointment day to a weekend. Hence unfavourable treatment. They are opening themselves upto legal action. It really isn't that difficult to comprehend that the analogy of 'flexibility means both parties are open to an adult conversation' does not apply here. A decent employer would NEVER request this