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Original poster

Husband going to lose his job but don't know what to do

81 replies

Kevinthebird007 · 19/12/2022 19:45

My husband is 58, I am 37. Originally he trained as a jeweller, spent years doing that, then moved into loss management. When we got together 16 years ago he went back to uni to study nutrition and then spent many years working for TfL in customer services.

3 years ago he was medically retired from tfl as he has MS which had made his job impossible to do. He is a full time wheelchair user and also has profound dyslexia. His MS cab affect his short term memory and gives him brain fog.

Earlier this year he applied for another role this time with a charity who provide finance for disabled people. He is a customer service advisor taking calls and referring people onto case managers. The issue he is having is he just isn't fast enough. He can't take the volume of calls others can, he's not hitting his KPIs and on top of that his computer skills aren't great. He's never really had to use one so he's struggling with managing all the programmes as well as the calls. His probation has been extended to February and realistically we both know he won't pass it. He's still struggling and we don't know what to do. If he leaves we will be £800 down a month. I think we can possibly make our outgoings but with energy costs etc I'm not sure we can. He struggles to get jobs, he doesn't interview well as he's quite long winded and not 'trained' for competency based answers. At his age he struggles to get given opportunities and I'm struggling to look forward to Christmas knowing he will most likely be unemployed come February.

I'm not sure what to do. I'm finding it hard not to be snappy and upset - I know it's not his fault but I'm he one who will be taking the brunt financially and while I'm trying to be sympathetic my brain just feels frustrated and angry that there seems to be no job he can do :(

Sorry for rambling but I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
Turmerictolly · 19/12/2022 19:46

Can you increase your hours/get a second job?

HippeePrincess · 19/12/2022 19:47

Can he ask for reasonable adjustments?

Can he claim some kind of disability benefits?

Cassillero · 19/12/2022 19:48

Could he not get disability payments since that's the reason he's struggling to retain a job? I don't know if it's enough to cover what you need but it would certainly be a help?

Clarinet1 · 19/12/2022 19:49

Do you claim PIP? It is based on abilities to undertake very activities and is not means-tested and it sounds to me as though he would be likely qualify.

MichelleScarn · 19/12/2022 19:49

Is he getting all the benefits he's entitled to?

Fireflygal · 19/12/2022 19:49

Do you have children?

Have you checked for disability benefits? Mos jobs that are not physical require IT skills. Could he work in a retailer using the till?

Original poster
Kevinthebird007 · 19/12/2022 19:49

@Turmerictolly I already do a 40 hr week, we have a 6 year old and 8 year old which makes things harder. I am a part time stand up comedian but I would no way make £800 in fees at the moment as I'm not experienced enough.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kevinthebird007 · 19/12/2022 19:52

He already has PIP, both the allowance for care and the mobility component. He got those anyway. He did have ESA when he was originally medically retired but it wasn't a lot.

I suspect he wouldn't be fast enough on a till either; they're still computerised and he struggles to navigate them.

OP posts:
AgentProvocateur · 19/12/2022 19:52

If he’s been medically retired, is he allowed to work? Please check that he’s claiming all the benefits he’s entitled to and also he may be eligible for PC training course.

Fladdermus · 19/12/2022 19:53

Has he had an Access To Work assessment? They're the government body responsible for providing support to disabled people to help them stay in work.

www.gov.uk/access-to-work

Original poster
Kevinthebird007 · 19/12/2022 19:54

@AgentProvocateur he is allowed to, yes. The pension he has is negligible also, barely worth the paper it's printed on. We did the benefits calculator and we're receiving everything we're entitled to :(

OP posts:
Original poster
Kevinthebird007 · 19/12/2022 19:55

I'll get him to look at the access to work assessment

OP posts:
Babyroobs · 19/12/2022 20:00

He can claim ESA ( new style contributions based) again if he's worked and paid enough NI contributions for the past few years. You may also get some Universal credit when you factor in LCWRA element( if he's awarded support group of ESA ) and carers elements. Ask CAB for a benefit check. Alternatively if he wants to look for another job then the job centre have advisors who specialize in helping people with disabilities to find appropriate work.

Babyroobs · 19/12/2022 20:01

Kevinthebird007 · 19/12/2022 19:49

@Turmerictolly I already do a 40 hr week, we have a 6 year old and 8 year old which makes things harder. I am a part time stand up comedian but I would no way make £800 in fees at the moment as I'm not experienced enough.

Do you mean the stand up comedian work is your main job or a side line?

HowDoYouOwnDisorder · 19/12/2022 20:02

MS is very tough to live with, to be honest he sounds like he is doing well for his age and condition

Maybe he can’t work anymore and can claim more benefits

VanCleefArpels · 19/12/2022 20:05

Contact CAB and they will do a benefits check - you can also do this yourself using calculator on Turn2Us website. You may be entitled to UC depending on your income and savings / investments

Logginglogger · 19/12/2022 20:09

Babyroobs · 19/12/2022 20:01

Do you mean the stand up comedian work is your main job or a side line?

Show quote history

On what planet is 40 hours a week part time?

Logginglogger · 19/12/2022 20:11

Op, he’s got multiple disabilities , he is medically retired. You will need to reduce your outgoings to allow for this. He can’t be pressured to work, that must be awful for him. You need to adjust your living situation to make up for the reduction in income.

Original poster
Kevinthebird007 · 19/12/2022 20:13

I'm doing 40 hrs in my full time role and then my stand up work is in addition to that. Sometimes 3-4 nights a week, sometimes only once, depends on what I've booked in. It's hardly an earner though as I'm still early on.

OP posts:
Babyroobs · 19/12/2022 20:13

Logginglogger · 19/12/2022 20:09

On what planet is 40 hours a week part time?

Show quote history

I was trying to clarify whether op works full time in one job then does the stand up comedy for example in the evenings as a part time job as well ? If it's just the comedian work for 40 hours and that's not paying enough then maybe she needs to consider an alternative job as things are not likely to get better for her dh at the age of 58 with a chronic illness and I think she needs to accept she is maybe going to need to be the main breadwinner with kids so young.

Babyroobs · 19/12/2022 20:14

Kevinthebird007 · 19/12/2022 20:13

I'm doing 40 hrs in my full time role and then my stand up work is in addition to that. Sometimes 3-4 nights a week, sometimes only once, depends on what I've booked in. It's hardly an earner though as I'm still early on.

Cross post. thanks for clarifying. That sounds difficult.

CantFindTheBeat · 19/12/2022 20:16

OP,

Am I right that you were 21 and he was 40+ when you got together, and he had multiple health issues?

It does seem that he doesn't have great future earning potential,

What are your thoughts? Are you happy with him, does it work other than the financial problems?

Original poster
Kevinthebird007 · 19/12/2022 20:17

@Babyroobs yeah I'm the main breadwinner and in time my comedy should earn me more to cover the gap of his earnings but that's a while off. Nothing to kill your creativity like the pressure to earn off of it either.

I just feel stuck. I'm already chasing my tail. I don't earn badly in my day job but it's not enough to cover our outgoings the kids lunches at school etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kevinthebird007 · 19/12/2022 20:20

@CantFindTheBeat we are good, and yes I was 21, he was 42. He was fully ambulant, fit, employed and a gym goer when we got together. He was diagnosed with MS a year after we got together. It was initially relapse remitting MS and so from the point of diagnosis in 2007 until 2014 when my son was born he had no further relapses. Unfortunately after DS1 was born he had a relapse and after that things progressed a little more quickly. He moved into a chair full time about 3 years ago. When we married in 2012 he was walking, dancing, running - it's a cruel disease that takes what it wants when it wants Unfortunately.

OP posts:
Babyroobs · 19/12/2022 20:21

Kevinthebird007 · 19/12/2022 20:17

@Babyroobs yeah I'm the main breadwinner and in time my comedy should earn me more to cover the gap of his earnings but that's a while off. Nothing to kill your creativity like the pressure to earn off of it either.

I just feel stuck. I'm already chasing my tail. I don't earn badly in my day job but it's not enough to cover our outgoings the kids lunches at school etc.

I would definately get a benefit check for Universal credit factoring the LCWRA and carers elements. Do you have a mortgage or rent?

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