Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Work

Chat with other users about all things related to working life on our Work forum.

Original poster

Wfh with baby

86 replies

Christmasideafordaddy · 17/12/2022 22:22

I'm returning to work in early next year. My workplace is very flexible, and I intend of compressing my hours to 5 in 4 days which shouldn't be any issues at all.

I requested to reduce my hours to 30 hours temporarily for 12 months, whilst I get used to being a working parent - and to get some extra time in with my baby whilst they are young. My boss has essentially indicated they won't be supportive of this due to the lack of team resources and lack of cover available, however suggested I work from home flexibly with my child at home, catching up outside of core hours if needs be (my role is remote and doesn't need to be front facing).

Ideally this would be the best of both worlds, as fully salary but spending time with my child too. However, is this realistic? Is it manageable long term?

My plan is to ask MIL to watch them 1 day from my home, put them in nursery 1 full day and have 1 non-working day - so it's just 2 days where I will be working with my child at home. The other option I have is to put them into 2 short days of nursery (9am-3pm), 1 non-working day and 1 day with MIL so I it's just 1 day where I would need to manage without any time of childcare.

In all honestly my baby is hard work, and not very independent so i'd be probably catching up at night regularly.

But if I reduced to 30 hours i'd of been working 7am-7pm as i'd have to have breaks to collect and drop off my child from nursery anyway. Im going to be working into the evening regardless so it seems, unless i put my child into full time childcare - which i dont want.

I dont know what to do. I already feel guilty about returning, since all my friends are going back super low part time (but I cant afford that as i'm the main earner!)

I'm gutted my manager has been rather negative against working part time, they're saying it's because they know ill end up working 37 hours for less money, so is trying to help me out - but i don't think they realise how hard it will be for me to pull off.

OP posts:
IDontDrinkTea · 17/12/2022 22:24

Personally I don’t think it’s doable. You end up either neglecting your work or your child - it’s not possible to do both to a good standard when they’re so young. Sorry, I know it’s not what you want to hear.

Shatterproof9 · 17/12/2022 22:25

Yeah I think this is going to be harder than you think. Even just one day at home alone with a SEN 13 yo last week tore into my working day awfully, I couldn’t imagine a baby.

BloodyShoes · 17/12/2022 22:26

In lockdown I struggled to work with my DC 7&9. It's not doable to work and look after a toddler

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 17/12/2022 22:27

I will add that 1 day of nursery is a bad idea, v hard to a little one to settle and in fact most won’t even let you do less than 2 full days.

as for the wfh- I could do it when my eldest was very little, lovely long naps etc- my youngest no way- walked at 9 months, a menace

Juicylychee · 17/12/2022 22:27

No. You won’t be able to focus on work.

Figgygal · 17/12/2022 22:29

It's not fair or realistic to work with a baby long term
Your employer pay you for your time so not fair on them either
You'll end up not doing justice to either
Lockdown broke many people for this reason

Elieza · 17/12/2022 22:30

It’s not possible and not allowed in my place. Older kids yes as they can do their own thing. Young kids is a nono.

Say you’re in an online meeting and your baby is coughing. Or throwing up. Or crying like there is no tomorrow. Or is pulling the dogs tail. Or needs fed, or has fallen and banged his head. What do you do? You’re working. But your baby is your first priority. It’s only a matter of time until people get pissed off with you leaving team meetings or even worse meetings with external stakeholders

Realistically you aren’t going to cope too well unless you have help.

RoseslnTheHospital · 17/12/2022 22:31

You're not available for work if you are also responsible for caring for your child. You can't do both to a reasonable standard, and not giving your child your full attention (or any) whilst you're trying to work is particularly undesirable. Would you want the nursery workers who look after your child to also be doing a second job at the same time?

astronewt · 17/12/2022 22:32

Don't do it. It's a horrible feeling to know that both your child and your work are getting much less from you than they deserve.

mynameiscalypso · 17/12/2022 22:34

astronewt · 17/12/2022 22:32

Don't do it. It's a horrible feeling to know that both your child and your work are getting much less from you than they deserve.

100% this. I have had to WFH occasionally with my 3 year old and it's just awful. I feel like I'm doing a terrible job and being a terrible parent. I really value being able to drop my son at childcare and then being able to focus 100% on my work.

Thisismynamenow · 17/12/2022 22:35

That is my current thought - it's just what my (male - who openly states he didn't raise his children due to working) boss has suggested instead of going part time.

Would short time nursery (9-4pm) be a better option so i have a solid 6 hours of working? then I can pick up the extra few hours when babys in bed/or when husband gets home?

I may be able to push for part time, but as other members of staff have recently left i doubt i'll get it.

Taswama · 17/12/2022 22:36

As pp said, I would do 2 days minimum at nursery. Baby will have naps there anyway so 9-5 will be fine.
the only way you working around the baby would work is if you are paid full time, have childcare for 4 days and are fully available for 4 days and do the 5th day (7 hours)in your own time (mix of daytime, evening, weekend). You can send emails, write reports etc but not be available for (scheduled) meetings.

Luredbyapomegranate · 17/12/2022 22:36

It’s not doable. Looking after a baby is a job.

WandaWonder · 17/12/2022 22:37

There may be something in your contract about being in care of young children while working

No it is not right to do regardless

Hatscats · 17/12/2022 22:37

I’ve done it out of necessity when daughter hasn’t been well enough for nursery or grandparents are poorly. It’s not fun! Unless you’ve got someone else to tag team all day, even then it’s not great!
I’d do the 4 compressed days, 3 days nursery and 1 day grandparents. I do 30 hours over 4 days but in the office most the time, mine wouldn’t let me compress hours so essentially get all my work as before for less money.

Thisismynamenow · 17/12/2022 22:39

WandaWonder · 17/12/2022 22:37

There may be something in your contract about being in care of young children while working

No it is not right to do regardless

This is something my employer has suggested I do as a comprise to my part time request so I imagine this is allowed.

I was excited at first, but I'm now nervous about performance.

Scottishskifun · 17/12/2022 22:40

Honestly it's not doable at all!
Many parents (myself included) had to do this over lockdown with zero choice my work suffered my child didn't get the full focus needed for a 1 year old and I ran myself into the ground working late into the evenings to catch up. My work refused furlough so it was what I was left with.
Sort proper childcare out.

Twinmumandone18 · 17/12/2022 22:42

Personally I would not be able to do this long term, I have a WFH job but I’m not back at work yet. I’ll be back when they are 2 and my twins will be going to nursery! I need to be able to work in peace and keep them safe. Plus I need the break! 😅

Also toddlers can be quite different from babies so it would be better to make arrangements that suit the situation long term.

LoveBluey · 17/12/2022 22:42

Absolutely impossible. Hard with a small baby who hopefully naps for long periods but with a toddler who needs constant supervision it's unsafe and potentially neglectful. You won't be able to do both so will end up working late in to the evening and be exhausted.

Have had to do it for a week here or there when chicken pox of other illnesses struck and it was really tough and not much of my work got done. But I knew I could catch up the following week when they were back at nursery. No way could I have done it for a year.

CheesenCrackersmm · 17/12/2022 22:43

Nope you will end up doing both badly and possibly get sacked.

ContadoraExplorer · 17/12/2022 22:43

In lockdown we had no option but to work with our, at the very beginning, 8month old. I was getting up at 5am and working until midday then switching out with DH for the afternoon. We'd take calls if needed during our "baby" time and then catch up on anything missed after dinner (or sometimes during dinner through until midnight cause lockdown was ridiculously busy for us both).

Anyway, point is, there were two of us and we made it work and got to spend a whole load more time with DD then we would have otherwise got but it was tough going and I definitely couldn't do it if it were just me WFH.

LolaSmiles · 17/12/2022 22:44

Trying to WFH and look after a baby means that both end up being neglected.

Honestly, I'd also be irritated as a colleague if my workload management was being negatively affected by someone replying to emails/dipping in and out of meetings/not being available for calls because they were providing childcare

If you want to make it work then you'll need to compress your hours, arrange appropriate childcare for the standard working hours (eg 8.30/9am-5.5.30) and then catch your compressed hours up flexibly.

LIZS · 17/12/2022 22:44

Most workplaces expect you to have childcare provision even if wfh. Your ability to commit time to work effectively will be compromised.

piedbeauty · 17/12/2022 22:46

You cannot wfh with a baby. Especially a needy baby. You won't do either well.

You need childcare.

Overthebow · 17/12/2022 22:46

No don’t do it, you won’t be working or looking after your child properly. You’ll end up squeezing work into nap times and doing the rest before baby wakes up and after they go to sleep which isn’t sustainable every day.

Swipe left for the next trending thread