Wfh with baby

[Christmasideafordaddy]

I'm returning to work in early next year. My workplace is very flexible, and I intend of compressing my hours to 5 in 4 days which shouldn't be any issues at all.

I requested to reduce my hours to 30 hours temporarily for 12 months, whilst I get used to being a working parent - and to get some extra time in with my baby whilst they are young. My boss has essentially indicated they won't be supportive of this due to the lack of team resources and lack of cover available, however suggested I work from home flexibly with my child at home, catching up outside of core hours if needs be (my role is remote and doesn't need to be front facing).

Ideally this would be the best of both worlds, as fully salary but spending time with my child too. However, is this realistic? Is it manageable long term?

My plan is to ask MIL to watch them 1 day from my home, put them in nursery 1 full day and have 1 non-working day - so it's just 2 days where I will be working with my child at home. The other option I have is to put them into 2 short days of nursery (9am-3pm), 1 non-working day and 1 day with MIL so I it's just 1 day where I would need to manage without any time of childcare.

In all honestly my baby is hard work, and not very independent so i'd be probably catching up at night regularly.

But if I reduced to 30 hours i'd of been working 7am-7pm as i'd have to have breaks to collect and drop off my child from nursery anyway. Im going to be working into the evening regardless so it seems, unless i put my child into full time childcare - which i dont want.

I dont know what to do. I already feel guilty about returning, since all my friends are going back super low part time (but I cant afford that as i'm the main earner!)

I'm gutted my manager has been rather negative against working part time, they're saying it's because they know ill end up working 37 hours for less money, so is trying to help me out - but i don't think they realise how hard it will be for me to pull off.

Thank you for the insight - I appreciate it.

I will try to map out some alternatives for them and submit my request early next year (though probably too late to be fair!) I can maybe do some long days, short days and reduced hours if possible.

Currently I'm planning for no support from my partner, as he's hoping for a career change next year so not sure what his working hours will be. Until the career change, he will be able to do nursery drop offs and morning routine - after that we don't know yet! Hoping it will be one or the other but can't guarantee which one!

Absolutely not.
are you even certain your boss meant you working and caring for baby simultaneously. That is an insane plan that wouldn’t be allowed by most workplaces. More realistic scenarios would be a nanny caring for baby and you as baby at a couple of times during the day. Or you put baby in nursery full-time, 5 days a week, but because you don’t have a commute, baby has a shorter day.

WFH looking after a toddler 😂😂😂Sorry to be condescending OP. Can I ask how old your baby is? Ours has just turned two, I barely get time to use the loo without hearing "Mum! Mum! Muuuuuuumm!!" Or worse when your hear nothing at all, and wonder what potentially life threatening situation they are suddenly tall enough to get themselves in 😶Seriously, don't plan for this!

My OH has Tuesdays off, and works Saturdays so he can do childcare in the week. Means we only get Sundays as a family, but works for us. Is this something that could make up an extra day? Could you check about getting Universal Credit to top up your nursery fees? They look at both incoming and outgoings, so some people become eligible when having to pay for childcare, I believe.

Would concur with all that has been said. A toddler will not be able to be controlled/ contained in other to ensure you can have meetings/ concentrate and be productive. It’s actually really irresponsible as you will run the very real risk of them getting in to difficulties and you not responding quickly enough. For some reason toddlers have a knack of finding the most dangerous situations they can in any environment and making a beeline. Windows/ doors/ blind cords/ cupboards/ hinges/ water / electrical sockets and sudocrem !! Which takes days to remove when smeared everywhere by the little monkeys. It would piss your colleagues off no end if you keep popping off line , being interrupted. It might be cute the first time or so but I can guarantee they’ll start getting annoyed after a while of teams calls getting toddler/ baby hijacked .

Also what is you partner / husband suggesting? Seems like a lot of responsibility for you to be both the main earner, and also sort the majority of the childcare.

Absolutely no chance it's not like your even trying to fit a full day in, you're trying to fit a full day + extra because of the compressed.

I've done compressed (5 days in 3-3.5), and its doable, but work becomes your life for those days.

I've also worked at home (pre lockdown) with a 9m old. It was frustrating because I want able to go out to groups, and properly enjoy my time with her, and knackering because I was working during any down time. I'd manage 3-4 hours a day - some of that working, whilst breastfeeding, bouncing on a ball to get her to sleep. I'd then try to with the rest of the day in the evenings - but that was trying to get upto 6-7 hours work a day, not 9-10. It was only possible for a short period and was exhausting.

When she got older and lockdown hit, the idea of doing any work with her around was laughable.

Your idea is simply but going to work. Sorry.
The only time it would have been even vaguely viable was for the first 3 months. Obviously that would still have been a nightmare.

Yeah it’s another no from me. DD was 2 when lockdown 1 hit and I was heavily pregnant with DC2. Those 6 weeks of WFH with a toddler were among the hardest of my life! I was so relieved to start maternity leave and not have to worry about trying to get work done while also keeping a small child alive and out of trouble. Even now DD is 5, it can still be hard to concentrate on work when she’s around due to illness/school closures etc. Not an experience I’d care to repeat.

I agree with others 1 day of nursery isn't enough for them to settle.

Will nursery allow you to pay for short days? If not it doesn't make sense to not use the hours paid for.

I would have DH drop DC at nursery so you can get started early, do 5 hours (5 days X 5 hours = 25 hours) while DC does morning nursery (if they allow half days) ask MIL to collect and do afternoons 2 days a week instead of one full day. ( 2 X 4 hours)

1 hour Monday to Thurs in the evening (4 hours) Gives a total of 37 hours.

It will give you 3 afternoons in the week to spend with baby and not have to juggle baby and work at the same time.

If DH's new job means he can't do the mornings then hopefully he will be around at other times, but if he is home with baby you may need to go to the office to get work done.

Have you looked into the childcare vouchers/tax free childcare - used to save me about 20%

The reason many of us are so vehement about this is that we've done it and it broke us. My youngest was 2 when lockdown started and every time my laptop appeared he scrambled up on my lap and started pounding away at the buttons. I could genuinely not do a single scrap of work with him present; on a good day I could just about take a call, to which I barely attended, while supervising him in a safe space. DH and I worked around each other in 3-hour bursts on what effectively worked out as a relentless 15-hour day of working and supervising DC. It was brutal.

Thata a good option thanks, I'm going to speak to the nursery tomorrow and see what they can offer me, then play with my hours.

My office is 150 miles away so not possible for me to go there regularly! It's usually a 1 day every 2 weeks, 14 hours out the home kind of office day!

I'm angry at my husband for leaving this career change until now. He's been speaking about it for years but now when I need his support he decides to do it.

There was a thread here on this recently.

I also worked with someone who sort of made it work up until the baby was a year old and then she put him in nursery. She admitted it had been hard.

No way. Had to do this when child was ill and nursery wouldn’t take them. My husband and I split it, but it was tough. How would you have meetings? I don’t think putting a child in front of a tv or having no interaction whilst working is anyway better than nursery. My child loves nursery, I do compressed hours so they go four days a week. I struggle a bit on Fridays trying to finish off a few bits though.

One thing to consider is that one day at nursery may make it hard for your baby to settle there. They’re away from nursery for ages. The stress of a baby who won’t settle in is not to be underestimated. That, plus the need for baby free time to actually get work done, would make me want to go for the 2 days at nursery option.

Try not to be too envious of your friends. ‘Super part Time’ sounds attractive, even dossy, but some part time roles are incredibly demanding. You may be much better off with compressed hours and flexibility; many would say you’re lucky to have those things. Good luck!

Yes, I’ve just noticed that.

OP people will find it hard to see your replies as you’ve name changed during the thread.

@Christmasideafordaddy @Thisismynamenow very confusing having 2 user names on the same thread.

If your husband is only starting his new career next year and hasn’t yet got a new job why can’t he do what most women do and ask for flexible working at the start. He could ask for compressed hours e.g full time over 4 days, or just PT 4 days. You could then do a long day on his non-working day enabling shorter days on the other days.

Note it is often most financially beneficial if both parents reduce hours rather than one taking the hit.

This is really unfair on your child and on yourself. You will always be working and never get any time to yourself. And what are they meant to do while you try to work? Put them in nursery 8am till 6pm 4 days a week - they will love it and have lots of interesting and enriching activities to do each day, plus in a year or so they will make lots of friends. You can then focus all your energy into your child on your non-working day. Other option is a childminder, but I think toddlers get more out of a nursery setting.

Surprised your employer is even suggesting it TBH! You will end up feeling like a shit employee and a shit mum. With older children, say 8+ and tiny babies it's doable but anywhere between 4 months and 8 is a very bad idea and will not go well! You'd be better to condense a full working week to 4 days and savour that day off with your baby xx

I agree with @Lineeyes222 - if they're not in nursery, their days should ideally be filled with playgroup, soft play, playdates and days out, or they need your attention at home to read with them or even let them "help" with cooking and cleaning, for a big chunk of the day. They won't, and shouldn't be expected to, sit quietly doing very little for months and years on end.

Btw, I'd be irked with my OH too in this situation - I'd be insisting that he gets a job that allows him to help your situation. When you have little babies, this needs to be the priority. He needs to either provide financially so that you can afford time off looking after your child (or pay for decent childcare elsewhere), or else be prepared to provide decent childcare himself some of the time, so that you can work.

Nope you won't be able to work with a baby. During lockdown I had a 3 and 5 year old and it was impossible. I ended up having to reduce my hours as it was one or the other. I'm wfh between Xmas and NY with a 5 and 8 year old for 2 days. They're at an age where they would happily look at a tablet all day and I'm still worried about it despite knowing my work will be practically non-existent in those 2 days with everyone being off. In fact that's the only reason I'm doing it.

It's not possible to work from home with a baby around. Trust me.
What about a nanny/ au pair coming to yours on the days you have no cover? At least you will see/ hear them? You could work upstairs and pop down every now and then - have your lunch with them etc.
You can't look after a baby AND work. You're shortchanging yourself, your baby and your work. Everyone will suffer.

It’s not to your employer or your child. Child wont have a good experience if you’re working. Surely nursery is better as they’ll be learning / socialising, rather than sitting with a screen (which will be inevitable if you’re working)

No, OP, sorry.

I did it for two weeks at the start of the first lockdown, until DHs key worker letter came through. DS was 3 weeks shy of his first birthday, (DD just turned 3) it was hell on earth. Never again.

I tried this once. It was snowing and nursery was closed. My mum couldn't get to me so I tried to work with an 11 months old in tow. She required constant entertaining, apart from during naps, and vomited on my lap during a conference call (pre video calls, fortunately). It nearly broke me and we never tried it again!

You might be able to do a few hours over the day (over nap time and whilst they're occupied for small stints) but I think it's unrealistic to expect to do a full days work at home whilst baby is home. I usually take a half day when mine is home and most of those hours still get done on an evening.