Wfh with baby

[Christmasideafordaddy]

I'm returning to work in early next year. My workplace is very flexible, and I intend of compressing my hours to 5 in 4 days which shouldn't be any issues at all.

I requested to reduce my hours to 30 hours temporarily for 12 months, whilst I get used to being a working parent - and to get some extra time in with my baby whilst they are young. My boss has essentially indicated they won't be supportive of this due to the lack of team resources and lack of cover available, however suggested I work from home flexibly with my child at home, catching up outside of core hours if needs be (my role is remote and doesn't need to be front facing).

Ideally this would be the best of both worlds, as fully salary but spending time with my child too. However, is this realistic? Is it manageable long term?

My plan is to ask MIL to watch them 1 day from my home, put them in nursery 1 full day and have 1 non-working day - so it's just 2 days where I will be working with my child at home. The other option I have is to put them into 2 short days of nursery (9am-3pm), 1 non-working day and 1 day with MIL so I it's just 1 day where I would need to manage without any time of childcare.

In all honestly my baby is hard work, and not very independent so i'd be probably catching up at night regularly.

But if I reduced to 30 hours i'd of been working 7am-7pm as i'd have to have breaks to collect and drop off my child from nursery anyway. Im going to be working into the evening regardless so it seems, unless i put my child into full time childcare - which i dont want.

I dont know what to do. I already feel guilty about returning, since all my friends are going back super low part time (but I cant afford that as i'm the main earner!)

I'm gutted my manager has been rather negative against working part time, they're saying it's because they know ill end up working 37 hours for less money, so is trying to help me out - but i don't think they realise how hard it will be for me to pull off.

I do this. I compress five days in four, so have one day where I'm not available at all except for something very quick and very very urgent, when I look after DCs. Four days where I do a normal but longish day (DCs in nursery just after eight until about half five and I only do drop off and pick up one day) and then work during the evening.

There's just no way to regularly WFH with a child. Even when one is ill and just wants to lie on the sofa it's really tricky. I absolutely couldn't get anything more than a two minute email done when mine are on full form!

Another voice saying no, don't do this.

You will do neither well, and you will feel horribly guilty about both, all of the time.

I wouldn't get sacked - it would form part of a flexible working request approved by management and HR to work around childcare commitments as required. Our company trusts that as we are adults, we work the hours paid to a good standard.

However, i'm worried i'd struggle to get them in without pulling all nighters and burn myself out.

But that arrangement would be contingent on your performance being acceptable; they absolutely could still discipline you, and/or walk away from the arrangement, if they didn't feel you were working enough. And remember, this was suggested by a man who has fuck-all knowledge of caring for a baby or toddler, who will undoubtedly expect the baby to magically vapourise when it's inconvenient.

I had a similar set up as my role couldn't possibly have been done part time 🙄

So with manager's permission I had dc2 with me 1 day a week. I only had to answer urgent emails, but even that felt impossible.

Your DC needs to be in nursery 2 days, mil 1 and 1 with you.

I did compressed hours (5 days in 4) when I returned from mat leave, for the first year. I was beyond knackered. That setup alone is intense. And that was without having to watch my DS, he was at nursery from 9 to 5! I don't think I could have managed compressed hours with childcare.

Making up hours in the evening songs good in theory, but if you compress hours, you already have very long days, and then you need to find another 2-3 hours at night to make up the time you spent with your baby? When?!

It’s not possible - I have just gone back after maternity and it is hard leaving them. But the thought of leaving them is much harder than the reality.

You cannot work whilst being constantly distracted you won’t do a good job or be there for your baby.

You are lucky that they have agreed to compressed hours so enjoy your three solid days with the baby - that time will be much more precious.

I wouldn't work from home with a child. My youngest was 5 during lockdown home school and my employer was understanding but it was still extremely stressful. Wasn't doing enough work or enough parenting. Baby is better at nursery than at home while you try to work, and it is better for you too.

I wouldn’t do it, I don’t work from home but I do end up doing work at home 🙄and even then it’s hard to juggle with kids, I can’t really concentrate properly on either

I recently had to balance WFH with my 16month old at home whilst she had a D&V bug and it was impossible. Making up the hours had me working late into the night and would no way be sustainable in the long term. I was exhausted after 10days. The only focus time i had was during her nap time so approx 2.5hrs in the middle of the day, and the stress was awful. It is the worst of all worlds.

The other point to look into with your first plan is that some nurseries have a min number of days - ours is 2 full days per week or 4 x am / pm sessions

It’s not going to work OP, for several reasons.

If you’re working compressed hours so more hours in a day there will be very few extra hours in every 24 where you can ‘catch up on work’ because you were with baby during your working hours. When you factor in general life stuff like eating, general baby care, sleeping, going to bed early because you’re tired from not sleeping all night and working long hours. There really isn’t any spare time, especially for the first few months as you get back into the swing of things.

Only 1 day a week in nursery is really hard for baby. It could take them a long time to get used to it and likely won’t fit into the routine as others would.

Also trying to work whilst a baby is at home without childcare you just end up feeling like you’re doing a terrible job at both. Maybe if you had a fulltime nanny at home with baby it could work but even then it would be difficult.

@Thisismynamenow - are you the OP under a different name ?

Agree with everyone else.
You'd be completely unrealistic to think about trying to work with a baby.
If you are working 30 hours a week, then you need Nursery for 4 full days (or your MiL if she is still happy to take your little one for a day).

Not deliberately aha - i think i messed up my account, the name i used for OP was to make sure my husband didn't see my post (it was about his xmas gift!) - as he knows i'm on here. Not sure why it changed lol.

If I'd been a FT SAHM and a FT worker I would have been FT psychotic. I don't think you can do it.

I currently pick up my emails from home on the 2 days I'm home with my 18m old. I couldn't get anything more taxing done realistically with him about.
The minute I get my computer out he wants to press buttons or at the very least suddenly decides that's the moment he absolutely must have attention/someone to play with.

I get around it because DH works from home so he will entertain DS for 10 mins while I check emails. I'll then do any tasks I need to when DS naps (12.30-2 atm) and then anything else I need to do gets done after DH finishes and takes DS off my hands.

I wouldn't want to do it if I had to do a full days work because neither my job nor childcare would be done properly. I do what I do as a favour to work and they know it's on a basis of me doing what I can when I can as it were.

You could opt for several mornings in nursery to get some solid hours in at work and then for the other hours around your child.
Or maybe a couple of long days in nursery and you work longer hours those days.
Support from your partner - he does pick up etc so you're not having to stop mid work

No it’s neglectful. Babies grow and get mobile, a toddler died falling into a hot tub during lockdown while his parent was WFH

You need to imagine that you’ll get max 30 mins to one hour of work done over the entire day when you’re at home with your baby with no childcare. All the other hours would have to fit into the time when someone else (DH) came home and took over, and you’d eaten. Try planning it out on that basis and see if it seems feasible.

For my first year back I worked 3 days and got paid for 4 on the understanding that I checked emails / moved things along where needed.

There was no obligation to do a certain number of hours and it was still very hard - not because of managing it, but because of the feeling that you’re not doing a good job of either.

It's not possible. Also even a baby or toddler who sleeps well might end up needing something in the evening if they're teething or unwell. So catching up when they're in bed isn't always guaranteed.

Could you use a childminder instead? You would need childcare for 4 days.

Save the wfh with baby there for when they are unwell - been sick or something which means they can't go in to nursery.

Also I think you would work better if MIL has baby at hers.

I also think compressed hours are brutal. There’s so many child based tasks around breakfast and dinner times, I’ve no idea how people do those long days and still manage everything.

There is unfortunately not a single childminder in a 10-mile radius who has availability until the end of 2023/early 2024. I've tried them all! However, all the £60+ per day nursery's are available (yay me..)

The MIL is not able to have the baby at hers, her house is not baby proofed, and she has some health issues, so whilst we trust her to care for our child and she is fully agreeable (and eager), we all agreed that at our house would be more appropriate.

I think i'm going to have to push for part time - I may indicate that it's probably going to equate to the same hours worked - just me not being stressed and burnt out trying to catch up. Eventually i'm going to have to go to full time again, but i wanted a little more time with him before I do that.

Sorry OP honestly impossible. And that's while they're a baby/under 2. When they hit 2 onwards and they stop napping and have strong opinions and get really demanding there's genuinely no chance! I have struggled through a couple of days with my (now 3 year old) DD at home when she's been sent home from nursery due to illness. Awful.

Thanks all - I think i'm going to have to press for reduced hours or accept i'm going back full time.

My boss is trying to be nice by providing flexibility but i dont think he understands the pressure that will add to me.

I'll try to press that realistically I won't manage 37 hours over 4 days plus catch up from non-working parts of the day and realistically, i'll get better performance with less hours but childfree.