I lied

[Smile03]

Before I get any hate I want to say I know I am in the wrong.

We had a virtual away day booked in for the whole organisation and I had a meeting which overlapped by 15 minutes.

My manager was unaware about the first meeting and I lied and told her it was about HR/ date protection.

She has then investigated this and has been told no I was not in a HR meeting.

I then repeated I was.

My manager has said she will be getting HR advice now.

I am planning on going in and telling the truth tomorrow but want to know can I get fired for this?

I work for this Civil Service

Yes it is concerning, but it doesn’t mean it’s the managers fault. Far from it. But it Is concerning, and nothing the op has said indicates it’s the managers fault. The op says she was embarrassed. No more. No less.

I’m not saying it’s definitely the manager’s fault - just that if I was the manger I would be questioning why my colleague couldn’t speak the truth to me.

Manager not manger - I appreciate we’re close to Christmas but…

Still makes no sense what's wrong with a mentoring scheme

Why are people encouraging the OP to tell more lies?

She’s a shit liar. That’s what she’s in this position.

A lot of posters are missing the fact this was a whole organisation meeting, so HR should all have been in the meeting. How could OP have a meeting with HR if they were also supposed to be in the whole organisation meeting?

A whole organisation meeting is rare, it is highly likely it was a three line whip on attendance with a requirement to be on time. People who were missing or late would be noticed, and the managers were probably tasked with finding out why.

@Smile03 then obviously lied by saying they were with HR who were also supposed to be in the whole organisation meeting. The manager double checked and guess what HR all attended the whole organisation meeting.

The only way out of this is to be honest.

I’m in and I was planning on asking to char first thing but i’ve been sent another meeting invite with the other manager CC’d in.

I don’t know what to do now I feel I might lose courage by this afternoon especially with the other manager listening.

Lose courage for what?

"I'm sorry about yesterday. I've joined the mentorship programme and felt a bit embarrassed about telling you that I was a mentee and I wanted to keep it private. I should have rearranged the meeting so it didnt impact the away day, and I should have discussed the mentorship programme with you so you know I'll have some meetings going forward. It wont affect my work and I wont cover it up again."

And rejoin the mentorship programme which you have inexplicably decided to quit.

What other manager? This isn't clear. And copying someone in doesn't mean that they will be present.

That said, you need to stop working this up. You cannot dictate to someone when the meeting is held. You have been told when the meeting is being held. It will look like really poor form to start making demands for a change to make yourself feel better about it. There is no "courage" to lose - you have to tell the truth, and that is the end of it. I appreciate that you are feeling anxious. Anyone who was going to a meeting with their manager about the lie they told them is going to feel anxious. You aren't in any way special in that way. You feel bad about it and you are scared I am sure. But on this occasions, I'm sorry, but you need to put your big girls pants on and live with it. This afternoon is a few hours away and you will have to wait. Don't compound your error by starting to come across as making this about your convenience or comfort.

If that means that you get upset in the meeting, then again - so be it. It's not pleasant for you, but it will be genuine and your manager will understand that, I would hope. Get on with your work now, and do the best you can to get through the day. Believe it or not, these things will pass. The chances are, unless there are things we don't know about, you are going to get a servere telling off. You might get a warning. But you can get past those things and move on, double down and prove that this error in judgement isn't who you are.

So, with the best will in the world - suck it up and get on with it. You can do that but it takes a resolve to do so. Prove that resolve is the person you are!

She mentioned the other manager up thread. At least read the OP's posts.

The point was they were in a HR-related meeting.

So they were where they said they were.

They lied about the topic.

As for meetings, I have never worked anywhere where it is unusual to be asked to attend them. And I've worked for about ten employers, so a reasonable sample.

A lot of posters are missing the fact this was a whole organisation meeting, so HR should all have been in the meeting. How could OP have a meeting with HR if they were also supposed to be in the whole organisation meeting

A good point, I had missed that.

I DID read the OP's posts, and I am sorry if I don't have a memory that retains every detail that I read yesterday because I have a life outside this thread. Perhaps if you are so expert you might make some helpful comments rather than nitpicking those who are actually trying to provide advice?

I'm sorry but I have. What does that prove? What someone elses employer does is hardly relevant to the OP's position. They lied about where they were, and trying to strtech the truth to fit the lie is not going to serve the OP well. They were not in a meeting with HR, and they were not discussing data protection. They have already lied twice and compounding that isn't going to go down well. This is a situation that calls for nothing but the truth. A meeting with one's mentor is not an HR meeting. There are millions of employers in the UK so ten is nowhere near a reasonable sample. I have worked for about the same number, and all of mine required managers to approve mentoring programmes, so you couldn't keep it a secret anyway. All of mine have made staff meetings such as away days mandatory unless you are sick or on leave, so you would have been required to re-arrange any clashes. But as I said, what my former employers or cirrent employer do isn't relevant either.

The OP is in trouble. How much trouble may be detaremined by whether they try to continue digging, and you are suggesting the continue digging. That isn't, in my opinion, a good idea.

UPDATE

I spoke to her and she was amazing!

I told her I lied and apologised and to my surprise she said thank you for telling the truth and we had a really good chat about other things going on in the background and general work.

THANK YOU ALL

That's a good outcome.

Oh wow - that's great! Really glad it worked out for.

That's great news Op.

In my experience of working for CS for 20 years, the best managers I've had, always prefer the truth.

Glad to read this OP.

I imagine your manager realised how neurotic she looked in front of other managers and decided to stop her hysterics.

That's good @Smile03 .
I really hope you will keep up with the mentoring scheme!

Dear God some people will make anything up.

OP I am glad that the meeting went well. Lesson learned. Managers are not ogres (or most of them aren't) and they will want to support and develop their staff if given the opportunity.

Or maybe she’s just a good manager and a decent person

Aaaaw, Smile, what a great update.

So pleased for you, you must feel immensely relieved.

Maybe, when you are ready to set aside a few minutes to consider it - but then put it to bed by doing another activity, so you don't start overthinking again - have a little ponder about how much stress & anxiety you put yourself through, worrying that you might be subject to a totally disproportionate reaction from your manager. This is not AT ALL in the spirit of making a negative comment to you - it's because I hope that, with practice, just as you have now experienced in your chat with your manager, it will get easier for you to start assuming more kindly motivations from people who effect your life.

Several CS-experienced PP assured you that telling the truth & explaining your (irrational but completely understandable) embarrassment about the Mentorship would be received kindly. Look how right there were! Most people will deal reasonably with other people's mistakes. Most managers will be pleased (maybe even proud) that their staff are taking advantage of the Mentorship opportunities that are on offer.

Does this experience, & the relief you now feel, & the absolute pleasure in being given a fair hearing, boost your confidence a little OP? I really hope so - because the more you go about ensuring that you deal with mistakes, shy-making situations, & other difficulties with this open attitude of honesty, & assuming that most people will make an effort to understand your feelings & deal with you reasonably, the better you are going to get at navigating this stuff.

We all go through it, but I suspect your family background or early life experiences have contributed to a tendency to overthink, assume the worst, imagine you will be blamed ... even punished ... & that crippling level of people-pleasing is not something you should have to endure now you are a fully autonomous adult. You absolutely don't need to confirm this or even respond to me at all - you don't owe PP anything here - but it does sadden me that whatever happened to you has resulted in you feeling so hesitant & actually scared, in situations where - for most people - a bit of brazen ownership would stand you in much better stead.
Again - this is NOT a criticism of you in any way, I hope you can see that it is well-meant empathy. In that spirit, I think you might enjoy this book & find it helpful -
www.amazon.co.uk/Woman-Your-Own-Right-Assertiveness/dp/0704334208

You have done so well to navigate this situation. Please don't abandon your Mentorship programme - I can't see there is ANYTHING to be shy of about it!-quite the converse - your employers will look well on you for following it through.
And maybe - depending on how close to the nail my gut feeling about your early life experiences is - invest in some counselling for yourself. Explore where your tendency to expect people to be angry with you comes from, & learn some techniques to help you turn that around & start enjoying more positive & confident interactions with people.

Oooops didn't mean to give you a long lecture
But MN is about taking advantage of collective experience, & I'll warrant I'm at least twice your age OP, so please take my wafflings in the kindly spirit they are meant.

Someone who checks the whereabouts of her team? Are they schoolchildren?

And tbh anyone who organises compulsory ‘virtual away days’ nonsense is someone with far too much time on her hands and/or works in an organisation that is run like a nanny state.