Desperate for work at 59

[Pinkypong]

Please help.
im 59 and desperate for work. I’ve had the odd shop job. I don’t have any skills, years ago I did design, well I can do design but my photoshop and illustrator skills let me down.
im supposed to retire and I can’t, ever I don’t think.
is it ridiculous to apply to be a teacher? By the time I get in the course I’ll be 60.so that’s stupid, I’d have to do maths o level too.
what can I do? Is there some sort of help out there? Are there courses? Not degree but just something to get me into a job. I’m so stuck and lost and anxious. It’s causing massive riffs between me and Dh. I don’t know how I got to this age without a job, I get the odd bit of freelance but it doesn’t last. I’m too anxious to think straight.

online tutoring?

Oh Pink this is awful to read!

You do not need to update your husband on your plan or anything else for that matter! Tell him to do one!

He's abusive, it's not normal to live like this! Get back to your GP, explain what's going on at home, get some counselling.

No idea about copy typing I’m a two fingers kind of girl, something else to learn.
live just seen a care job so I’ll apply for that. I could definitely work in a boutique, and I’m good at customer service.
I am really lacking in confidence today!
I had a thread before and some people mentioned Dh might be controlling. Woman’s aid seems extreme. Though!

Not extreme at all - a lot of your problems and anxiety would be resolved if you weren't with your husband. He sounds awful! Is there anything about him you like?

See if you can find a specialist recruiter to support you. Well worth the chat. inclusivity.co.uk/about-us/

good luck with the care job
keep us posted op

To be honest, I wouldn't look for a career type job at the age of 59. Unless you have a passion for something, it will mean re-training and schooling, perhaps for years. It doesn't sound like you have the confidence, or support of your husband.

I would aim for any job you can get! Something to get out of the house, earn a paycheck, and perhaps make some friends. It sounds like you had a job, but lost is because you didn't have current skills? In reality, the employer should have known that before you started, it sounds like you were in over your head. Don't take it to heart, and don't listen to your husband berate you.

This is heartbreaking to read. I hope the DH who repeatedly sabotaged your employment opportunities has paid into a personal pension in your name.......thought not.

Good advice. This could be the way to go, to get some current experience and reference etc.

Sorry, kindly OP, your DH is a bully. Is he like this with the teens? How horrible for all your self esteem. Its no wonder you feel lost, directionless and lacking in confidence - it's a result of him yelling and undermining you. I imagine now its a pattern you've both fallen into - your role as the helpless, crap one and his role as the critical coach to whip you into shape. Time to break out and carve a new role for yourself. You can live your OWN life

Would challenging him make him think a bit more? You can tell from how he responds whether he's just a stressed man or purely nasty to you.

"And how does yelling at me will help? You're feeling angry at me but you're behaving like a bully. If we can talk calmly then I can come up with a plan for finding a new role. Would you talk to the kids/your employees who need support like this? Why me? If I work we will both have to do housework". etc

He's a right piece of work, I have no doubt you looked after him when he was unwell and now he's shouting and stomping to get you a "Real Job". Sorry but that's completely unrealistic and stupid of him. Were you still cooking and cleaning when you had cancer, or did he step up?

You should do a course for socialising and to upskill (and to get out of his company) - WEA do free courses
Lots of good "returnships"
Personally if I were you I would volunteer two days a week, increase the tutoring and study a course alongside. You could take your cv to job centre or post it on here for some help - make a tutoring/teaching assistant CV, an admin CV etc tailor a few cvs to the area and then you can fire them off after a brief tinker

Monzo and Starling etc financial tech banks do entry level customer service roles and always talk the talk about employing women of all ages/returners

"He says if he wasn’t here I’d get a job quickly."
But you DID get a job and you said you had to fight to accept it and he yells at you before starting!! So actually if he wasn't here you would be able to work more, in any roles you wanted.

"im not being abused though, Dh just wants me to work."
But you DO work and he didn't want you to. You have worked. He yells and is moody :( His behaviour is completely at odds with him "just wanting you to work!" A job is a job is a job, regardless if "proper career" I think you need to ignore his pressure, at the mo you need development and support and to update your excellent foundation!!

If he really wanted you to work he'd be happy with your tutoring, asking you to increase that if your household needed the money. I think he is resentful: of his own job not earning enough, your savings not being enough, of his own health, economy and has pinned it all on you not having a better earning long term job throughout your relationship. I think its wishful thinking because he doesn't want to assume responsibility for how his life is or accept stuff is out of his control. You not earning more, being lazy, a shyster, is much easier route to go down.

A DH who supports you to work would:

• Help you write a tailored CV, cover letter
• Support you and suggest you do some courses or go to college
• Have interest in your development/skills/direction you want to go in
• Congratulate you on applying to jobs, regardless of getting them or not
• Congratulate you on getting a job offer!
• Not push you to not take it "Do you think you will take it? I think X is better than Y but it's up to you" etc can have advice
• Be encouraging but not overly involved, not nagging or critical etc

Thanks keroppi this is all a bit much to handle, my anxiety is really through the roof now.
I really don’t know where to turn and am feeling very peculiar indeed.
I think you make some surprisingly accurate points.
ill get started on job apps now.
feeling very sick.
thank you

i dont see why the caring job should turn you down op

Thanks mrslarge here’s hoping.

Sorry but your husband is in cloud cuckoo land.

What does he mean by 'proper' job?

Teaching can be a nightmare. My sisters are teachers and can't wait to leave. They are strong, fit 40 somethings and it has ground them down. With anxiety the children would eat you for breakfast.

You can't just walk in and be a doctor, lawyer, accountant or senior civil servant. You generally need qualifications which take time. Plus people start at the bottom and work up.

There are other roles that are 'starter' or 'trainee' that can lead to more 'professional' jobs such as a trainee paralegal or paraplanner. But competition is fierce and they aren't the quick fix to a high salary that your husband (not 'D' H) seems to want. It isn't going to happen and he needs to accept that. And without his pressure your anxiety might reduce.

You clearly enjoy teaching people. So I'm going to suggest the same as a PP.

Have a look at Teaching English as a Foreign Language or TEFL.

My uncle was a lorry driver for most of his life and started this when he retired. He absolutely loves it. He started with a couple of classes and is now nearly full time. You get the joys of teaching people who actually want to learn.

He obviously didn't have qualifications or experience to start off with but I don't think it took long.

It can be full or part time if you want and you might enjoy it - get some of your confidence back.

Sorry, I can see you're feeling overwhelmed 🤍 One of my former jobs was to assist care xp young adults into work so I can (and do!) talk a lot about dysfunctional rships, support and re-entering workforce. I will infodump less in future posts 😁 It's all about step by step. Applying for jobs is a hard slog and aleays much easier once you're employed! A local independent shop/retail/café job would be a fab start, some round here are "old school"😳 and encourage you to just walk in with your cv and talk to the owner. x

Thanks whiterose I’m looking at it now. At the moment it seems daunting, mind you everything does.
Thanks keroppi that’s an interesting job!

@Pinkypong do you have a strong network of girlfriends? I think this is a time when you should lean on those close to you and enlist their support in starting a new chapter.

Thanks southern I do indeed have some brilliant chums, 2 in particular. That’s very good idea .

You come across as a really nice person, just by the fact you acknowledge the MN members and thank them for their input. Keep checking the NHS site, staff retire/ get promoted/ move to other departments. Once you get your feet under the table, you are there for life!!!!!!! Please try to not let the anxiety get the better of you, talk to your good friends they will give the perspective you need.
Everyone on here is rooting for you, remember that.

If you are as good with people in real life as you are here in MN I would consider applying for a call centre role with a major insurance company. They have a relatively high turnover and so hire frequently. But your DH has to be understanding that it may come with rolling shift work to cover the entire time the call centre is open so you might be working in the evenings some weeks and he will have to get his own food etc.

But major organisations often do the majority of their hiring internally so you have a great opportunity to work your way up. (This is what I have done, so I speak from experience.)

Thanks, guys. More applications tomorrow so anxious can’t sleep again.

I didn't read all pages

If you have not been working, how will you be funding your retirement ?

If you are in UK you will need 35 years of National Insurance contributions to claim a state pension

I guess your state pension age will be 67 or 68

You can get the National Insurance contributions via working or via some state benefits like child benefit etc

You can check via

Www.gov.uk/check-state-pension

www.gov.uk/check-national-insurance-record

Thanks, more to worry about. I just lost the plot after illness.

Oops, name changed back to me.
I don’t know what happened, I had a great job then kids then it all went mad.