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Original poster

Employee refusing to come back to work from maternity leave

185 replies

Beurre · 09/04/2022 00:50

I work in the public sector and manage a small team. One of my staff is due to come back from maternity leave next week and has just dropped a bombshell that she's unable to come back as her marriage broke down and she has no childcare. I feel really sorry for this woman as this is her first baby and have suggested to my head of department that we give her some parental leave ( until she secures childcare) given her circumstances. Sadly, my manager doesn't give a shit about anyone and is pushing me to put pressure on this employee to come back even though I know this is almost impossible. Anyone had a similar situation? Surely we can't force this employee to come back when she has no support and is on the verge of a breakdown?

OP posts:
AlternativePerspective · 09/04/2022 13:30

I do not for one minute believe that the plan up until last week was for her DH to do 100% of the childcare whilst holding down a FT job, and now the plan is for him to do none. OP is not getting the full story.

MythicalBiologicalFennel · 09/04/2022 13:32

@Bideyinn

You’re public sector, speak to HR about the options available
This. I guarantee there is a policy about this
AlternativePerspective · 09/04/2022 13:32

I do not for one minute believe that the plan up until last week was for her DH to do 100% of the childcare whilst holding down a FT job, and now the plan is for him to do none. OP is not getting the full story. agree.

Also, it’s taking the absolute piss to suggest that someone be signed off sick for lack of childcare. Yes it’s stressful, but it’s not an illness.

No wonder people struggle to get GP appointments or to have genuine MH taken seriously.

EarringsandLipstick · 09/04/2022 13:34

@RiaG91

I'm afraid I don't have any solutions for you, but I wanted to say well done to you for putting her needs first in your mind and trying to support her.

Instead of telling her to go to the Drs to request a sick note (which would get you in trouble if found out), you could insinuate it. For example, "have you reached out to your doctor to discuss things as I'm sure they'd be able to help in this situation".

Also, do you have an occupational health team internally? If you do, that's another route because they are supposed to ensure that staff are fit for work.

If this lady returns because she feels forced to with no other options (I'm sure she'll be terrified about losing her job on top of her relationship breakdown), then she may well have room for a claim against the company.

This is a bit of a silly post.

I'm sure OP is experienced enough not to tell her staff member to get a sick note! Of course she would discuss with the employee if she was fit to return to work.

Occupational Health is only relevant if the employee says they aren't fit to return, and then an assessment can be carried out.

The basis on which you say the employee would have a claim is ridiculous. No one is forcing her by saying that this is date you are due to return, and asking her to indicate if she is planning to make any adjustment to that and if so, what this is. There is no possibility of a claim.

EarringsandLipstick · 09/04/2022 13:36

Also, it’s taking the absolute piss to suggest that someone be signed off sick for lack of childcare. Yes it’s stressful, but it’s not an illness.

I partially agree. But also think it's a hash view

Lack of childcare - no.

Your marriage ending during your mat leave - possibly, if you are so adversely affected as to be too unwell to work.

It seems plausible that this has been a horrific time for the employee. Being signed off work may be warranted.

But doing nothing and saying she'll be back 'when she finds childcare' is not acceptable.

OutingHobby · 09/04/2022 13:38

Funny enough, quite a few colleagues with young babies WFH during covid (18 months) and still fulfilled their duties. they had no choice and it was often hellish trying to do neither task at the best of their ability

AnneElliott · 09/04/2022 13:43

Speak to her on the phone out of hearing of your boss and advise her about making an application for parental leave.

LittleBearPad · 09/04/2022 13:45

@AnneElliott

Speak to her on the phone out of hearing of your boss and advise her about making an application for parental leave.
No don’t do this.

Talk to HR and ask them to set out her options.

Then butt out.

AnneElliott · 09/04/2022 13:49

Not sure if you're public sector @LittleBearPad but HR doesn't work like that in central government. As the line manager you're responsible for the whole of the HR responsibilities.

Yes we have HR people (a very few of them) but they offer advice on complex points of law. They don't take over an issue and they don't speak to employees. That's my job as the manager. So my advice is good and still stands.

Changechangychange · 09/04/2022 13:54

@AnneElliott that’s not how it works in the NHS or in local government - yes, your line manager would deal with discipline etc, but HR deal with things like maternity pay/parental leave applications. OP only says she works in the public sector, so perfectly reasonable to suggest going to HR first.

howardmoonseyebrow · 09/04/2022 13:58

Get advice from HR, I personally wouldn’t make any suggestions to her without having HR advice first.

ChicCroissant · 09/04/2022 14:00

I am also with your manager on this one, and I used to work in HR. As a PP said, if she's had enhanced maternity pay that will need to be repaid if she doesn't return and I would point that out to her.

While it is common to have reservations about returning to work after maternity leave, if she's told you she's not coming back then I really don't think she'll return at all tbh. That might not be the best thing for her to do especially if she is now a single parent, she probably needs the job more than ever. I don't think a WFH DH was ever a viable childcare option, unfortunately.

Do not get involved in any way at all, OP. I would agree with referring it to HR and they can deal with it.

LittleBearPad · 09/04/2022 14:02

@AnneElliott

Not sure if you're public sector *@LittleBearPad* but HR doesn't work like that in central government. As the line manager you're responsible for the whole of the HR responsibilities.

Yes we have HR people (a very few of them) but they offer advice on complex points of law. They don't take over an issue and they don't speak to employees. That's my job as the manager. So my advice is good and still stands.

And if you advise her to make a parental leave application out of earshot of her manager you are likely to find yourself in all manner of crap when it’s denied and the mat leave woman says ‘OP told me to do it’
LittleBearPad · 09/04/2022 14:02

Then you’ll have your own complex HR problem to sort out!

CharityShopChic · 09/04/2022 14:05

What it boils down to OP is that this is not your problem to solve. It is not your role to suggest what the employee does, or what options she might have. That is what her friends/family are for. You are there as her manager.

You go to HR and tell them "I have a member of my team who is refusing to return from maternity leave, what is our policy on this, she won't commit to any return date". Then you relay that information to the employee. It is not your role to advise or counsel.

iRun2eatCake · 09/04/2022 14:07

@Beurre

I will call HR on Monday and get some advice.

@123walrus - she hasn't asked for a specific time, just said 'until I secure chilcare' but I believe that she's been looking at places. I heard that most nurseries are full until September so it might be until then.

@LittleBearPad - my manager is so petty with zero empathy. She tends to resent mums with young children even though she has kids herself. She's actually suggested that I should be less emotional just because I care about my team and their wellbeing.

Unfortunately l have had NHS managers like that.

One told me l should be working instead of spending time with my terminally ill dad...

balalake · 09/04/2022 14:10

HR advice is needed I think. Glad to read you care, sorry you have an uncaring manager.

Mummyoflittledragon · 09/04/2022 14:20

@RedskyThisNight

As an aside, it's no wonder that mental health issues aren't taken seriously when it's apparently perfectly acceptable to get signed off for stress if you have childcare problems Hmm
It’s not just childcare. Her marriage has broken down and she’s facing life as a single parent. If her stbx partner is genuinely refusing to help, she’s really been shafted.
viques · 09/04/2022 14:36

@Hatinafield

I think I’d offer her four weeks unpaid parental leave. That is more than generous after a year’s paid leave tbh.
It is not in a managers gift to offer parental leave, as others have said the employee needs to be talking to HR.
OutingHobby · 09/04/2022 14:36

What does she suggest? I think this is kind of her problem to solve tbh. You can't solve all the problems. Just give her her available options.

drpet49 · 09/04/2022 14:41

** I do not for one minute believe that the plan up until last week was for her DH to do 100% of the childcare whilst holding down a FT job, and now the plan is for him to do none. OP is not getting the full story. agree.

Also, it’s taking the absolute piss to suggest that someone be signed off sick for lack of childcare. Yes it’s stressful, but it’s not an illness.

No wonder people struggle to get GP appointments or to have genuine MH taken seriously.**

^I agree with this

oviraptor21 · 09/04/2022 14:55

Are GPs allowed to sign off as unfit for work for this kind of reason - that seems a bit like asking the GP to lie if the employee is fit, just without childcare.

oviraptor21 · 09/04/2022 14:57

🙉 Should have read more pages as just repeating the previous posts.

Figgygal · 09/04/2022 14:57

Could you offer an unpaid sabbatical?

I have sympathies for her situation but she's out of order for giving you such little notice.

Jellyfish15357 · 09/04/2022 14:59

Don’t see why she should have to go to the GP to go off sick and get a ‘black mark’ against her record in terms of a long term sickness absence just because your manager is inflexible.

If there is a parental leave policy or unpaid leave policy this would be a better bet. HR will prob want to know about this either way. Your manager could end up in trouble for outright refusing.