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Original poster

Employee refusing to come back to work from maternity leave

185 replies

Beurre · 09/04/2022 00:50

I work in the public sector and manage a small team. One of my staff is due to come back from maternity leave next week and has just dropped a bombshell that she's unable to come back as her marriage broke down and she has no childcare. I feel really sorry for this woman as this is her first baby and have suggested to my head of department that we give her some parental leave ( until she secures childcare) given her circumstances. Sadly, my manager doesn't give a shit about anyone and is pushing me to put pressure on this employee to come back even though I know this is almost impossible. Anyone had a similar situation? Surely we can't force this employee to come back when she has no support and is on the verge of a breakdown?

OP posts:
titchy · 09/04/2022 12:09

@Beurre

I will call HR on Monday and get some advice.

@123walrus - she hasn't asked for a specific time, just said 'until I secure chilcare' but I believe that she's been looking at places. I heard that most nurseries are full until September so it might be until then.

@LittleBearPad - my manager is so petty with zero empathy. She tends to resent mums with young children even though she has kids herself. She's actually suggested that I should be less emotional just because I care about my team and their wellbeing.

The she needs to look further afield than just nurseries! Childminders, nannies, au pairs, family.
Regularsizedrudy · 09/04/2022 12:09

Has she already used all her accrued annual leave? If so she needs to take time off sick or take unpaid time

AlternativePerspective · 09/04/2022 12:10

Tbh I can understand your manager being pissed off at an employee who is taking time off work until September because she can’t find childcare, and the expectation that she be paid for it.

Will work also then be extending the contract for the person who’s currently covering for her?

I could understand a week or two but 6 months? Come on.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 09/04/2022 12:12

You need to

a. Suggest to her that being signed off would give some time for her to look into childminders. It's an incredibly stressful time for her, after all.

b. Mention to her that if she's in a union, they would be able to advise her about her legal rights in this.

c. Involve HR. They're the experts in this, not your line manager. It might be possible for them to facilitate a transfer to another role if it's actually true that the needs of the service outweigh the significant time and costs involved in recruiting, training and deployment of a replacement staff member. And all this takes time - which gives her more time to sort out childcare. After all, as an employer, your organisation has a duty of care towards their employees. And if it does result in her having to leave, HR can ensure that the process is legal and above board - the consequences of failing to follow appropriate processes and laws will also negatively affect the organisation and the employee.

Snazzyjazzpants · 09/04/2022 12:12

[quote Beurre]@ThisMustBeMyDream - I did think of suggesting she gets signed with stress but that would obviously land me in trouble. Hoping it comes from her!

@Patchbatch

@TheSmallAssassin - she used up all her annual leave built up during maternity and was paid. Her husband is self employed, WFH so he was due to look after the baby so they didn't need childcare.

@Patchbatch - she can apply for unpaid parental leave of upto 18 weeks but again my manager doesn't want to hear about any alternatives. She's just thinking about the 'needs of the service'.

Although not ideal, I suggested that we allow this employee to WFH until chilcare is sorted etc but again my manager hit the roof saying no chance as the employee will then completely slack. Funny enough, quite a few colleagues with young babies WFH during covid (18 months) and still fulfilled their duties.[/quote]
I realise that it has nothing to do with you OP, but it boils my piss that men get to treat parenting like a fucking hobby. Because now they have separated he can't take care of the baby as planned? Even for a few weeks? So now her job is in jeopardy so his Nibbs isn't inconvenienced by the existence of his own child.

AlternativePerspective · 09/04/2022 12:13

It all sounds very convenient that she’s only been faced with this the week before she’s due to come back.

I’d be wondering if she’s been building up to this because she doesn’t want to leave her baby, which is of course understandable but isn’t the employer’s problem.

If she gets signed off sick then fair enough, although I’m a bit Hmm at being signed off sick for lack of childcare but whatever. But given she doesn’t appear to have a plan and has just announced that she won’t be coming back doesn’t sound as if she’s very committed to coming back at all.

Harridan1981 · 09/04/2022 12:14

Surely the ex can still look after the child?

Kirstos1 · 09/04/2022 12:17

Would she accept unpaid leave until she sorts things out?

If she won't then to drop this a week before she is due back isnt really on.

Viviennemary · 09/04/2022 12:18

She can't just say she is unable to return from mat leave. If she is in a Union tell her to contact them for advice. I think your Mansger has a point.

TidyDancer · 09/04/2022 12:21

The manager sounds like an unfeeling arse but probably does have a point. In the circumstances you have described, it does sound like the best scenario would be unpaid leave for now. She's shot herself in the foot slightly because she's admitted the issue is childcare and not a medical issue. Working from home wouldn't resolve this because she would still need childcare so I don't think that's a viable solution.

Beautiful3 · 09/04/2022 12:24

What about unpaid leave for a fixed amount?

RedskyThisNight · 09/04/2022 12:25

Is the employee asking to be paid? I agree a week's discretionary paid leave (or whatever your organisation calls it) might be appropriate, but she can't have time off until September and expect to be paid.

Even unpaid is a big ask (for the company) on the basis that she's already had a year plus annual leave off. It does suggest that she has no intention of coming back; so not surprised the managed won't allow it.

Did her husband literally only drop his bombshell this week? Or has she known for a while and been ignoring it (in which case as manager, I'd be even less inclined to approve further leave)?

I don't understand why the husband can't stick to the previous agreed arrangement either.

RedskyThisNight · 09/04/2022 12:26

As an aside, it's no wonder that mental health issues aren't taken seriously when it's apparently perfectly acceptable to get signed off for stress if you have childcare problems Hmm

LittleBearPad · 09/04/2022 12:28

She must be able to sort childcare out before September - childminders or another nursery. If she has a month off unpaid then she can sort it out. And her husband can help her.

Laska2Meryls · 09/04/2022 12:31

There's nothing to stop you as her boss talking to the union rep ( hopefully she is in one) and letting them know about her so they can contact her... Even if she is not a member they may help her anyway.. at least with advice.. Most unions want you to be a member 3 months, but in practice a lot of local reps will help ' unofficially'.( We always did in our Unison branch)

NeverDropYourMooncup · 09/04/2022 12:32

@RedskyThisNight

As an aside, it's no wonder that mental health issues aren't taken seriously when it's apparently perfectly acceptable to get signed off for stress if you have childcare problems Hmm
Well, it is stressful being left and having to find childcare at short notice. It's also very possible that she is suffering from anxiety and an element of reactive depression whilst also struggling to adapt to the circumstances her ex has placed her in.
Laska2Meryls · 09/04/2022 12:33

As a concerned manager, that is.. The union can contact her and just ask if she needs help ..

Hatinafield · 09/04/2022 12:37

I think I’d offer her four weeks unpaid parental leave. That is more than generous after a year’s paid leave tbh.

Onthelowdown · 09/04/2022 12:38

Suggesting that she talk to her GP shouldn’t get you into trouble. My duty of care as a line manager involves signposting to appropriate available support. Telling her to get signed off obviously will. There’s a clear difference between “I think you should just ask your GP for a fit note” and “I’m really concerned about the impact that this situation is having on your mental health, I would suggest talking to your GP about the way that you’re feeling at the moment”, but if appropriate it’ll lead to the same outcome.

user1471504747 · 09/04/2022 12:40

I’d imagine someone getting signed off for 6 month with no compromise or room for manoeuvre (as the true reason for sickness is childcare, not stress, so adjustments can’t be made) would lead to capability procedures.

It’s up to her to lay out a plan OP, she can’t simply say she can’t come back and leave you scrambling around. When you talk to her again ask her if that means she’s resigning or what her plan is?

Kirstos1 · 09/04/2022 12:43

@RedskyThisNight

As an aside, it's no wonder that mental health issues aren't taken seriously when it's apparently perfectly acceptable to get signed off for stress if you have childcare problems Hmm
Yeah that's a very good point.
Schoolchoicesucks · 09/04/2022 12:45

Do you have an HR department? If so, I would suggest to the employee that she contacts them to explore what her options are as they should be fully informed of what policies may apply (eg parental leave, unpaid leave etc) and what would happen if she doesn't return as expected (eg disciplinary policy).

Has there been someone covering her maternity leave? Again, check in with HR about whether it is possible for them to be extended.

Don't suggest her working from home with a baby as a suitable option, even in the short term. Babies need attention and it is not appropriate for someone to be working whilst caring for them. Other may have had to muddle through it during covid when childcare was closed. That's not the case now.

I would think possible options are giving her a fixed time eg 4 weeks or 8 weeks of unpaid leave during which she secures childcare (some of which could be the child's dad). And keeping whatever arrangements were in place to cover her maternity leave in place for that time.

If she's unable to return to work ft, she needs to put in a flexible work request - eg to work part time or from home if that helps with childcare drop offs.

If she's a good employee, it would be short-sighted (of your manager) to refuse some leeway - any disciplinary process is likely to take some time to play out and in the meantime she's not there working, so may as well give her a few weeks to make arrangements.

Silverclocks · 09/04/2022 12:46

Ex is still baby's Dad. If that was the plan before it can be the plan now, at least for some days, although highly unlikely that it would have succeeded long term imo, they could try it while they sort something else out

ThisMustBeMyDream · 09/04/2022 12:49

I'd imagine her marriage breakdown was stressful enough, without the added new baby plus lack of childcare. There is such a thing as life stress. No one diagnosed me with depression, but I was certainly incredibly stressed. It isn't a competition to the bottom.

Ninjaexpress · 09/04/2022 12:49

If you're in the public sector you should know that you don't need to deal with this. Pass it to HR. You follow policy and the law, your manager can't change that.