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Absolutely devastated at how new job has taken a wrong turn

88 replies

Metabigot · 02/12/2021 19:31

Started a new job last month (internal move) and managing a team of 3 people. I thought all was fine. One of them was a bit whingey and said she'd not been given development opportunities in the past, I said I'd develop her but put together a proper plan once I'd been in post a little while and done her PDR which would be in the new year.

She asked if she could note take at a senior meeting, I said fine. She then started to get overly involved with making suggestions to me for how I should run this meeting, what I should do etc and when I tried to bat it back a bit (such as saying let's see first what so and so says at the meeting) she came back a bit more forcefully.

Just before the meeting I suddenly thought she may start trying to input in the meeting itself which would have been inappropriate and so I rang her to say 'you understand your role at the meeting is just to note take don't you'

Perhaps in hindsight I could have said it more gently but to be frank, all hell broke lose. She accused me of being rude and not helping her. I rang my manager to put it on her radar, she then rang my manager and cried down the phone about how horrible I was being.

I tried to call her to smooth the waters, she then attacked me with a tirade of all my faults as a manager and how she'd made me want to leave the company etc. And I've only been managing her four weeks!

I tried to move on but that evening I just got more and more upset at home with how she'd spoken to me and criticised me, felt totally undermined as a manager and so spoke to my manager who got us on a 3 way call without warning or consent. She continued to berate me on the call despite my manager trying to play mediator, eventually saying she was refusing to work with me any longer as she'd lost confidence in me.

I had to leave for another meeting and my manager has basically told her she has to work for me or look for another job but wow wtf has happened here? I really do wonder about her mental health as she said this all started when we had a meeting at head office and went out as a group later (this was before I'd even joined that team). Some of us got separated after the bar and ended up at a different restaurant - apparantly I was ignoring her calls and laughing at her the next day? I didn't even know she'd called me! I wasn't even managing her then!

I feel like I'm in the twilight zone with the employee from hell - HELP!!!

OP posts:
Metabigot · 02/12/2021 19:34
  • how I'd made HER want to leave the company. Not she'd made me. Bloody edit function (or lack thereof)
OP posts:
Unreasonabubble · 02/12/2021 19:35

@JorisBohnson2 - my manager has basically told her she has to work for me or look for another job

There is a reason why you got the job and she didn't...

Your Manager has your back. Take heart from that.

Suprima · 02/12/2021 19:36

Didn’t you post this before but you didn’t like the responses?

namechange5575 · 02/12/2021 19:36

Try not to worry. From the way your manager reacted I wonder if they have previous experience of her and are looking for a way to manage her out. It's a shame you weren't warned about her in advance but it really does sound like it's her, not you.

Metabigot · 02/12/2021 19:37

Nope only happened yesterday. First time posting @Suprima

OP posts:
chipsandpeas · 02/12/2021 19:37

didnt you read the replies on your last thread
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/work/4416213-One-month-in-new-job-screwed-it-up

i mean its like 4 threads down with the last reply like half an hour ago

tinselvestsparklepants · 02/12/2021 19:38

The fact that your manager gave her an ultimatum suggests that she has form for behaviour like this....

ShirleyPhallus · 02/12/2021 19:38

I think id take a step back and discuss with HR how to move forward. Ultimately, you want this to be a productive and positive working relationship so it’s worth you sucking up and making amends (even if it isn’t your fault, you have no idea of the circumstances to make her feel like that - did she think she was getting the role?)

Have a meeting with HR and her, clear the air, explain her PDP but then draw a line in the sand with some clear rules - no backchatting you, no backstabbing or gossiping to colleagues about what happened, you need to work together productively etc etc

Don’t be too shaken, people management is awful Grin

Metabigot · 02/12/2021 19:38

Oh yes, i actually forgot I'd posted that my head's been all over the place. Thank you for reminding me.
It wasn't that I didn't like the response. I've had a hard past 2 days. And things moved on since then anyway so this thread is probs more relevant.

OP posts:
LindaLooky · 02/12/2021 19:39

It's not you, it's her.

Some people cant bear to be managed...by ANYONE.

Its good your manager is backing you up. I wouldnt devote too much energy to fixing this, be fair to her, but save your time for things you can influence.

She is testing you, you gave her an inch and she grabbed that mile.

CSJobseeker · 02/12/2021 19:39

Agreed. Your manager has backed you very swiftly, which means this person probably has a prior record of such behaviour.

Metabigot · 02/12/2021 19:40

@ShirleyPhallus

I think id take a step back and discuss with HR how to move forward. Ultimately, you want this to be a productive and positive working relationship so it’s worth you sucking up and making amends (even if it isn’t your fault, you have no idea of the circumstances to make her feel like that - did she think she was getting the role?)

Have a meeting with HR and her, clear the air, explain her PDP but then draw a line in the sand with some clear rules - no backchatting you, no backstabbing or gossiping to colleagues about what happened, you need to work together productively etc etc

Don’t be too shaken, people management is awful Grin

unfortunately we are HR. Yes, we know all the rules in theory but it's rather different in practice when you are actually going through it.

I am extremely shaken to the point where I've had to dig out the sleeping pills. I would never ever speak to my boss (or anyone ) like she did

OP posts:
Tempusfudgeit · 02/12/2021 19:42

Maybe the other post is the colleague writing a reverse?

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 02/12/2021 19:42

To be honest I think you were quite rude to her. Why would her input be inappropriate?

My job sounds quite similar to her in terms of being in meetings for note taking only, however if I offered my opinion I would be thanked for it like anyone else. My manager certainly wouldn't make a point of "putting me back in my place" like you have.

You've said you'll offer development but you've straight away at the first sign of her expressing any kind of opinion tried to put her back in her little lowly administrative box.

Bunnybunny1 · 02/12/2021 19:42

@chipsandpeas delightful response. Hmm

OP, I think you need to put her on some kind of support programme. She sounds utterly insufferable.

I hope you have a union, use them for advice. Make a daily diary of ever interaction. Good luck.

chipsandpeas · 02/12/2021 19:43

@Tempusfudgeit

Maybe the other post is the colleague writing a reverse?
with the same user name?
Metabigot · 02/12/2021 19:43

To be honest I'm glad my manager got us all on a call, if only so she could see how unreasonable employee was being in not being willing to look at any resolution other than 'I won't work with Joris again.'

At one point she started saying f*ing this and f**ing that in front of my boss and I, and refusing to take part in the call anymore. So not really solution focused.

OP posts:
StormyTeacups · 02/12/2021 19:43

"no backchatting"?!

Metabigot · 02/12/2021 19:44

@Getyourarseofffthequattro

To be honest I think you were quite rude to her. Why would her input be inappropriate?

My job sounds quite similar to her in terms of being in meetings for note taking only, however if I offered my opinion I would be thanked for it like anyone else. My manager certainly wouldn't make a point of "putting me back in my place" like you have.

You've said you'll offer development but you've straight away at the first sign of her expressing any kind of opinion tried to put her back in her little lowly administrative box.

On the call it would have been inappropriate - particularly as she had a difference of opinion. This was not some team meeting about how to spend the kitty money. This was a fairly serious senior level grievance.

Hard for you to see maybe if you don't know the job and level of work involved.

OP posts:
Getyourarseofffthequattro · 02/12/2021 19:46

Hmm. That tells me all I need to know about you as a manager. You've managed to belittle both her and me in one fell swoop there.

Metabigot · 02/12/2021 19:46

@Getyourarseofffthequattro

Hmm. That tells me all I need to know about you as a manager. You've managed to belittle both her and me in one fell swoop there.
Only on mumsnet...... good one @Getyourarseofffthequattro
OP posts:
Getyourarseofffthequattro · 02/12/2021 19:47

Well clearly not only on Mumsnet if you're upsetting people in real life.

CSJobseeker · 02/12/2021 19:48

Why would her input be inappropriate?

You really can't think of a type of meeting where input from people who weren't members of the relevant board/committee would be inappropriate?

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 02/12/2021 19:49

@CSJobseeker

Why would her input be inappropriate?

You really can't think of a type of meeting where input from people who weren't members of the relevant board/committee would be inappropriate?

Of course I can. I was simply asking op why, it could have been several reasons. Ops judgement on this person being one.
Eastie77Returns · 02/12/2021 19:53

Not relevant to the issue at hand but struggling to understand how you completely forgot that you posted about this (at length) yesterday!

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