Feeling discriminated against for being a mother

[SassyS89]

I have been at my current job for 2 months. I am enjoying working for the company and enjoying the work that I do, however, something was mentioned to me today which is making me have doubts.

So, a few weeks ago some of my department had informal 1-2-1s with the head of the department. I had a 1-2-1 and the head was asking me about my home life and childcare and I said my kids go after school club 2 days a week on the days I work from the office, and I'm not with their dad and he's not the most cooperative person but I make it work. I mentioned that my mother is not in the best of health so I do not call on to look after the kids often as I don't want to put a lot of pressure on her.

Today I had a mid probation meeting with my manager. My feedback was good and my work has no cause for concern. However, there's concern for my childcare arrangements as my kids don't go to after school club 5 days a week (I work 2 days from the office/3 WFH) so I can't go into the office at the drop of a hat, and they're concerned because I work from home with the kids in the house even though my work isn't affected.

When WFH I take 30 mins lunch and use the other 30 mins to collect the kids from school. I have to get approval to be away from the desk for 30 mins to do this (which I was not aware of but I have got 'school run/out of office' in my outlook calendar during the 30 mins period).

My manager mentioned that I apparently took 2-3 hours to reply to someone, but I have no idea of who this was and when this happened. I was shocked as this does not sound like me at all. My manager then asked me if I took long to reply because I was dealing with the kids, to which I replied that I couldn't comment because I don't know when it happened. My manager then said that the company are concerned that me working with my kids in the house is affecting my communication.

I said that I don't think there is any cause for concern at all, and while it isn't easy working with kids present I've been doing it since last year feb/march so I'm used to it. My manager then said I can't compare last year to this year, because we were forced to WFH last year but now things are back to normal.

My manager is now going to speak to HR to see if there are any resources that could 'help' and has put as an objective before the end of my probation to 'sort out childcare arrangements'.

Does this sound right?

Sorry for the long post but I am pissed off.

I find it suspicious that your boss mentioned the "delayed email" issue only after asking about your home life. Especially as you say it was not on the official/written feedback. It does make me wonder whether they just didnt like the idea of your children being home while you work, rather than actually having evidence of you being inefficient. The time has passed now, but you could have pressed further on this complaint if you thought it was untrue.
Now your response to that has unfortunately given them further ammunition. By saying "can't comment, need to know details" you admit it's possible you took 2-3 hours to email back and worse, that your children may have been the reason...
Only you know how much of a distraction and delay your children are causing. But to keep your job and boss happy sadly you will have to change your arrangements.

I've definitely now learnt not to speak on my home

Ha ok so next time you just won't say anything and carry on regardless 🤔😂

And 2 hours is 25% of your working day having children there whilst you work

Good to get childcare sorted. My employer allowed children while after school was shut and they are very accommodating. But generally you cannot be supervising your children while working.

@ulez

I’d be looking for a new job - and don’t let on the childcare arrangements at the next one. Jump before you’re pushed. They sound very unforgiving. In fact it sounds awful. I have been dry strategic throughout my professional life as a mum - I’ve had to fight for home working. Then compressed hours. Never once discussed my childcare arrangements. If the job is done well it’s a job done.

I came on this thread to say exactly this.

Your situation sounds like you need to have an employer who is more flexible. In the new era of hybrid working, it shouldn't be an issue for a WfH parent (male or female), to drop off or collect DC. Work-life balance is important for supporting employees.

If your employer remains unhappy with your childcare arrangements, there is a real risk the role could end during probation. I'd look for another before that point comes.

@Starseeking I've spoken to a few people about this situation and they have also told me to look for another job, as to them, it looks like they are not going to pass my probation but not due to poor work performance. Especially as a recent new joiner who does not do my role, will be training on some tasks that I currently do, things don't look good so I have decided to look for something else.

Thanks for your comments.

No worries @SassyS89.

To be honest, it sounds like this work culture might not be quite right for you. Working for a company which genuinely supports good work-life balance sounds like it would suit you better.

I work hybrid (office and WfH) and drop DC to school a couple of times a week, and pick them up a couple of times a week, and block out my calendar to do so. My company are fine with how I manage my time because they know it's give and take e.g. on another night I may stay until 6.30pm for a meeting, and at busy times I will perform additional work over the weekend (no overtime or TOIL). I absolutely would not do the extras if they insisted on me being at my desk 9am-5pm just to show my face.

In your next role, it would probably be best if you keep the personal conversations surface level until you get a good feel of the culture.
"How are the family?"
"They're fine, yours?"
"Great, so about this meeting..."

I wouldn't divulge things like childcare arrangements etc for the very reason you are now wishing you hadn't.

Pay close attention during your next interview process, to try and gauge whether they are a flexible company, or if they have an old school outlook towards employees.

I hope it all works out for you!