don't know whether to take an exit package

[Iwillneverbesatisfied]

I've asked my union to help me negotiate an exit package from my workplace, except the package they think I will get is too low in the eyes of my DH and my DM.

My union proposed asking for £70,000, and accepting no lower than £50,000. This would be about 12-18 months salary and I'm guessing before PILON and annual leave accumulated. Also with a positive reference. Union say I might not get this but its higher than most places offer as an exit package.

I have experienced years of disability discrimination, and I cannot take it anymore. I am still employed there, but struggling.

The fear, on the part of my DH and DParents is that because of the number of disabilities I have, that money might run out before I find anything else. I do not want to downsize either or move as I love my home. It is necessary for DHs work and DDs school. Also family nearby as a disability support network. There is also the current climate to think about with regards to the job market. DHs place has had redundancies although he believes he may be okay.

The other options are to quit, with no money at all, and sue but maybe not win. Or carry on working there and be more and more miserable.

I don't know what to do. DH says not to take less than £90,000 so we can at least pay off our mortgage. I'm in the public sector. I don't think that is realistic. I think I'd be lucky to get £50,000.

Can anyone advise me? I'm job searching all the time with no luck. My qualifications are so niche as well. I've tried to do additional courses though. I do not want to work in a shop just to pay my bills and I couldn't anyway due to the nature of my disabilities.

@Iwillneverbesatisfied

I'm sorry Op, but despite what you are being told, unless there are some other factors, it sounds highly optimistic. Unfortunately union reps are inherently optimistic and frequently wrong despite having some qualifications. I speak as someone who deals with this sort of stuff routinely.

If it were a private sector employer, sometimes they take the hassle factor, combined with legal fees and may pay to get rid of a case although not silly money wise. Public sector use in house lawyers unless they need specialist advice and due to adverse publicity and cost will rarely settle for amounts such as that, as all it does is encourage others to make inflated claims.

The only awards I have seen of that size have been made at tribunal but truly awful cases, amazing evidence to support but crucially the impact on the claimant was such they probably wouldn't work again. That is potentially a factor for you as despite all the rights and wrongs you probably wouldn't stand a chance in the private sector as you would be seen as a boatload of grief. After getting laid off from the public sector that might not be an option either. The last case I saw wise was a claim for £250k for sexual/disability discrimination and got awarded for £6k and even that was erroneous in judgment but wasn't worth appealing it.

If I were you I would pay out for an independent assessment and advice by a good employment lawyer as opposed to the union one to at least give you some reality and don't risk being hugely disappointed

This money is given to you to give you the funds and time to find another source of income, this is the money bridging you over between this and the next job, not a budget for your husband to invest/spend as he pleases. He is throwing your career away by using the money for paying the mortgage.

You supported him to help him get out of debt, now you need the help he is abusing you into getting more money for him? Sorry to say this OP, but any chance he is worried that his gold egg laying hen is about to fail him?

Abuse, at home and at work, has a way to creep in slowly to the point you start normalising abusive behaviours. How come your MIL has a say on this? Why is your husband abusing you to get more money out of your misery? Good husband my arse...

Why does your MIL even need to know?

He's not sounding good op. He's adding to your issues, not helping with them.

the fact that you said declined the first offer (which they then withdrew) could work against you, if it's deemed that their offer was reasonable

Not if it was made "without prejudice", but they can make an open offer which could then be shown at tribunal.

Official has warned me that due to Covid, if I turn it down, I may never get a similar offer or even one at all, as next year's budgets are likely to be cut

Keep re reading what you wrote!!!

What your union sent you, that's their assessment rather than an offer surely?

I'd be surprised if you hit that much and I'd grab it with both hands!

Your DH is being fucking awful. It was ok for you to get him out of debt & support him when he was made redundant, but now he's not supporting you?!

Perhaps remind his bloody mother of that.

no wonder they want rid of you

What a nasty cruel thing to say, it's not something you say to someone you love, especially in your circumstances!!

You don't seem to see it, but he's not a lovely husband who just stresses about money. He's really not.

Be very careful about what happened with any money you do get. In your situation I'd be hanging onto it, in my name, & using it to start up as a consultant & to live on, not pay your joint mortgage. Even if he was being supportive, let alone when he's not.

It's your life, your career, your disabilities, you have to think about what's best for you, he's certainly not.

My parents don't trust him with money and always insisted we kept separate bank accounts. That won't change. DH has definitely seen my income as some kind of safety net. He's not keen on the consultant idea but I think being my own boss will be ideal (if I get customers!) I just hope this is initial fear and nerves on everyone's part. Going to email my union tomorrow as I'm going to the hospital today.

I don't most consultants have marketing skills (unless they're marketing consultants!) - they just have decent networks and LinkedIn is your friend in that respect. Good luck.

I'm confused. Has your employer even agreed the offer? Or is this what your union proposes you ask for?

That's the employers offer

My god in the current climate I would bite their hand off with that offer - definitely take it.

Your husband doesn't sound like a very nice person and I would make sure you're as financially secure as possible in your own right in case his behaviour gets worse once you're looking for a new job / starting up a consultancy business.

It sounds like his love is somewhat conditional and that must be very hurtful.

I think you'd be utterly mad not to take that offer, OP.

Take the offer
Start the consultancy
Lose the husband

speaking to union official and thompson's solicitor tomorrow, employer on thursday I think. I'm going to take the offer whether they increase it or not, I just need to speak to my union to understand it a bit better, get a breakdown etc. I'll keep folk posted. DH has started being nice and supportive again, probably cause my (scary) mum gave him a telling as we Scots say.

When I got a payout after a sex discrimination case it was packaged as redundancy so the first £30k was tax free - check if they will do that. Don't forget if you don't work between now and April you should also get a tax refund.

The first 30k is always taxed, doesn't have to be redundancy. OPs will be classified as a Settlement Agreement I believe, so first £30k will be taxed.

@Smallgoon

The first 30k is always taxed, doesn't have to be redundancy. OPs will be classified as a Settlement Agreement I believe, so first £30k will be taxed.

I assume you mean tax-free rather than taxed?! First £30k of a termination payment received in excess of notice pay is tax-free.

Yes, sorry, that was what I meant! First 30k is tax-free.

Following as we are going through a similar scenario with the Civil Service. I would take the money OP, it's a good offer but you can't put a price on your mental health. Take the money and put it behind you. Good luck OP

urgh the manager who has not been supportive will be in the call with me, HR and my union. That will be a difficult meeting. Worry she will be defensive / argumentative / blaming / trying to get me to stay.

As I have PTSD because of how I have been treated, I worry I will be triggered again. The sooner I leave the better really.

I can guarantee the manager who has not been supportive does NOT want you to stay, she is most likely delighted you are leaving. However!! I would bet good money she is also jealous as fuck of the massive payout you are about to get

You are really looking at this the wrong way. This should be cathartic.
There is nothing to stress about, they can't touch you and even better they are actually being made to pay (literally!) for their shitty treatment of you.
This is your day in the sun/ big win!!!

Go in be neutral, don't waste time with any BS small talk get it done and get out.

I would also plan a celebratory treat for after the meeting.
For me that would be sushi takeout followed by macaroons and champagne but whatever floats your boat....

Worry she will be defensive / argumentative / blaming / trying to get me to stay.

Well if she is, there will be witnesses so don't worry too much. You'll be fine.

so spoke to union today in advance of meeting tomorrow with employer. union official thinks we might be able to push the amount but only a little.
He was talking about my annual leave entitlement and I got a bit confused. I think what he was saying is that I need to take this year's or I lose it. I can't carry it over and add it onto any entitlement which would be £2000 if using the full 2021 entitlement
He said tax would need to be clarified on the package.
He said something about possibly being placed on gardening leave - does that mean instead of being paid PILON? Whilst being paid to do nothing sounds great, it would stop me from applying from anything else or starting anything else wouldn't it?
I have a job interview tomorrow! On the phone! but now I'm worried that I should maybe turn it down in case they want a reference and it jeopardises these settlement discussions. Plus if my current employer wants to put me on gardening leave.
It was only a part time job starting January. I thought it could supplement the package until I got something better but maybe I've been too hasty in applying?
This whole severance pay thing is something I've never done before obviously so I don't know what I can and can't do!

As far as I'm aware, gardening leave doesn't stop you from applying elsewhere. It's just means that the employers have agreed that it's best you're currently not at work, and can remain off whilst being paid.

Don't turn it down! I suspect that after tomorrow they will want everything wrapped up very quickly, and the compromise agreement signed so hopefully that'll happen before the job tomorrow asks for references.

I might have to ask the prospective new employer to delay any start date or request for references until this negotiation period is over. It did not sound today as though everything would be done and dusted, money in my hand, tomorrow. I'm scared to jeopardise that but I could lose this potential new opportunity (It does sound really good even if the money isn't much). I guess all I could do is ask the new employer if I can start February instead? Does that sound daft? How would I even go about explaining everything? I've been with my current employer for 15 years so this is all very new to me. DH seems a bit happier that I might get (a little) more money.