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Original poster

don't know whether to take an exit package

119 replies

Iwillneverbesatisfied · 27/11/2020 12:00

I've asked my union to help me negotiate an exit package from my workplace, except the package they think I will get is too low in the eyes of my DH and my DM.

My union proposed asking for £70,000, and accepting no lower than £50,000. This would be about 12-18 months salary and I'm guessing before PILON and annual leave accumulated. Also with a positive reference. Union say I might not get this but its higher than most places offer as an exit package.

I have experienced years of disability discrimination, and I cannot take it anymore. I am still employed there, but struggling.

The fear, on the part of my DH and DParents is that because of the number of disabilities I have, that money might run out before I find anything else. I do not want to downsize either or move as I love my home. It is necessary for DHs work and DDs school. Also family nearby as a disability support network. There is also the current climate to think about with regards to the job market. DHs place has had redundancies although he believes he may be okay.

The other options are to quit, with no money at all, and sue but maybe not win. Or carry on working there and be more and more miserable.

I don't know what to do. DH says not to take less than £90,000 so we can at least pay off our mortgage. I'm in the public sector. I don't think that is realistic. I think I'd be lucky to get £50,000.

Can anyone advise me? I'm job searching all the time with no luck. My qualifications are so niche as well. I've tried to do additional courses though. I do not want to work in a shop just to pay my bills and I couldn't anyway due to the nature of my disabilities.

OP posts:

Original poster

Iwillneverbesatisfied · 28/11/2020 11:17

would I be entitled to any benefits or other support if I take a settlement? I know I can ask my union these questions but its the weekend!

OP posts:

backaftera2yearbreak · 28/11/2020 11:27

If you’ve paid enough NI in the last few years you may be able to get New style ESA. You would have to attend a work capability assessment after filling in a form. You either get found fit fit work, fit for work related activity (attending training, cv writing classes) but get £74 a week, or not fit for work related activity and you get an extra £35 a week. If it’s fit for work related activity you only get the contribution based part for a year then they look at whole household income. If you get put in the not for work related activity group you can stay on it longer term based on ni contributions.

Anything over 16k means no Income related benefits (so no universal credit).

Personal independence payment can be applied for as it’s not means tested. Another firm and another assessment though.

Original poster

Iwillneverbesatisfied · 28/11/2020 12:19

I have already applied for PIP although no decision as yet

OP posts:

NotDavidTennant · 28/11/2020 12:34

I'm not sure what your realistic alternative is here.

If you turn down the settlement then you're going to have to stay in a job that makes you miserable and where the employer admits the relationship has already broken down.

NeilBuchananisBanksy · 28/11/2020 13:34

I think that's a decent settlement in the current climate.

Court is a significant risk and will take more time and energy.

I think you said your H wants £90k to pay off the mortgage but even with the £60k, that's a huge drop in terms of what you owe and will likely take the pressure off?

I think your DH and mum are extremely ignorant here of the process.

KarmaNoMore · 28/11/2020 13:41

Op, it is well and fine that your husband and mum have views about the amount and what to do with it but it is NOT them who are getting to the point of feeling suicidal at work or being stressed with this drama.

The £20000 extra to that pay the mortgage, will not cover the damage you will experience and the trauma you will carry with you in the future if you end up having a breakdown.

Take what the union says and your health while is possible, your DH shouldn’t put be putting money over your health and well-being. There are things that are more valuable than being “right”

Original poster

Iwillneverbesatisfied · 28/11/2020 18:46

I don't want DH to resent me for making him take on more financial responsibilities (as I will need to be careful with the exit payment and make it last til I find something)

At the same time, I fear I will resent him if I stay and things get worse.

OP posts:

GrumpyHoonMain · 28/11/2020 18:49

Take the offer

happylittlechick · 28/11/2020 18:58

You've effectively been offered over a years salary. Surely that gives you at least a year to find a new job? Why wouldn't you take that?

VanGoghsDog · 28/11/2020 19:02

any case wouldn’t be heard for at least 18 months,

This isn't true. I've done two tribunal responses in the last few weeks, one is listed for Jan and one for Feb. We had to ask for a delay on one as a key witness is due to give birth, and we got a new date in April. That guy was dismissed in April this year, put his claim in August, we responded Sept.

Original poster

Iwillneverbesatisfied · 28/11/2020 19:03

what if I don't find another job? I have multiple disabilities. It makes me a less attractive candidate. I am very fearful. Also as I said above, DH is not being as supportive as I'd like and I know I will resent him.

OP posts:

VanGoghsDog · 28/11/2020 19:04

@Iwillneverbesatisfied

What if you stay there? You can't, can you?

Soontobe60 · 28/11/2020 19:05

@Iwillneverbesatisfied

I don't want DH to resent me for making him take on more financial responsibilities (as I will need to be careful with the exit payment and make it last til I find something)

At the same time, I fear I will resent him if I stay and things get worse.

I ended up leaving my job and taking early retirement, meaning we had to downsize considerably. My DH persuaded me to do so, as he knew that to continue as I was would be too damaging to my mental health. If your DH resents you for not being able to continue as you are, hes not being supportive at all. Take the money, use it to live on for a while and look for a different, less stressful job.

Gensola · 28/11/2020 19:05

@VanGoghsDog this was advice I had last October from a very reputable barrister maybe things are better now. Only reporting what I was told.

Figgygal · 28/11/2020 19:06

Take it
What is the alternative? You stay in a job which makes you ill and go through tribunal for what? Injury to feelings?
Your position there is untenable and you’ll be 18months + to even get to tribunal

triceratops12 · 28/11/2020 19:10

There is no way you will get that much I'm afraid. Also if they are doing an exit package, PILON and annual leave will be included in the package, not as an additional. I have experience in these settlements and the highest I've known is 20k.

MrsGrindah · 28/11/2020 19:10

Never, ever plan on the basis of winning a tribunal etc. There is never a 100% guarantee of winning and if you’ve cut off all other options you face being left with nothing.And even if you do win there’s no guarantee what the financial outcome will be

flowery · 28/11/2020 19:12

Timescales to get a case listed are really variable at the moment, much worse in some regions than others, and it also depends on how many days are needed and whether the parties can do it on the virtual platform rather than in person.

triceratops12 · 28/11/2020 19:14

Sorry I've just seen your update - 100% take it. That is such a generous offer and you probably won't get one like that again.

MotherExtraordinaire · 28/11/2020 19:36

@Iwillneverbesatisfied

Tbh I'd almost be taking the money and reviewing the relationship. It seems as though he sees you as the golden goose. I'd say that you getting that pay of is still more than he'd have contributed....

GrumpyHoonMain · 28/11/2020 19:39

@Iwillneverbesatisfied

With all due respect in this job market, and with your history, if you don’t take it they’ll find a way of dismissing you for free anyway. Ignore your DH, take it, and then work out what type of job would work best with your disabilities and lifestyle.

Takingontheundead · 28/11/2020 19:52

You would be extremely stupid not to take that offer.

If your DH is going to be resentful you've got bigger issues at home already- take the money so you have options.

SimplyRadishing · 28/11/2020 20:11

The offer they have made is a VERY good one and i would take it. (Also think you would be stupid to turn it down-sorry!)

I am private sector and have been involved in several settlements ( none were this good)

its all good and well your mum and Dp pulling a number out of their arse and saying "you're worth it babe!" but honestly they have unrealistic expectations. The sort of 2-3 year settlements you read about in newspapers are rare / a thing of the past.

Your DP may well be resentful but its unrelated to the offer. If he wants to blame you or resent you he is going to find a reason no matter what. Even if you get an extra 20k if you dont have a new job when it runs out you are still in the same position you jist put it off for 3 months extra
...
His resentment may be more to do with general anxiety at the prospect of having to do more heavy lifting in terms of earnings? Either way it's a dick move.

Original poster

Iwillneverbesatisfied · 28/11/2020 20:47

DH and DM have both relented. They want me to be happy and to quote my mum "you've been miserable as fuck all year".

They do worry I won't find anything in the next year and we'd need to carefully budget, but the fact I may never get an offer like this again has brought them around.

I'm going to take the offer.

Thanks everyone.

OP posts:

titchy · 28/11/2020 20:56

Good decision. Good luck

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