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Original poster

don't know whether to take an exit package

119 replies

Iwillneverbesatisfied · 27/11/2020 12:00

I've asked my union to help me negotiate an exit package from my workplace, except the package they think I will get is too low in the eyes of my DH and my DM.

My union proposed asking for £70,000, and accepting no lower than £50,000. This would be about 12-18 months salary and I'm guessing before PILON and annual leave accumulated. Also with a positive reference. Union say I might not get this but its higher than most places offer as an exit package.

I have experienced years of disability discrimination, and I cannot take it anymore. I am still employed there, but struggling.

The fear, on the part of my DH and DParents is that because of the number of disabilities I have, that money might run out before I find anything else. I do not want to downsize either or move as I love my home. It is necessary for DHs work and DDs school. Also family nearby as a disability support network. There is also the current climate to think about with regards to the job market. DHs place has had redundancies although he believes he may be okay.

The other options are to quit, with no money at all, and sue but maybe not win. Or carry on working there and be more and more miserable.

I don't know what to do. DH says not to take less than £90,000 so we can at least pay off our mortgage. I'm in the public sector. I don't think that is realistic. I think I'd be lucky to get £50,000.

Can anyone advise me? I'm job searching all the time with no luck. My qualifications are so niche as well. I've tried to do additional courses though. I do not want to work in a shop just to pay my bills and I couldn't anyway due to the nature of my disabilities.

OP posts:

SimplyRadishing · 28/11/2020 23:09

Good for you OP.
Having been in a bad work environment I imagine the relief of just getting out of there will no doubt be immense.

Good luck.

Original poster

Iwillneverbesatisfied · 29/11/2020 10:07

what should I ask that my colleagues be told about my departure?

Somehow "because you're all a bunch of c*nts" won't work.

And I don't want people to talk negatively about and for that to get passed to any other organisation in this sector I might work for.

What should I ask for the reference to say?

OP posts:

VanGoghsDog · 29/11/2020 10:12

The reference will likely be neutral: x worked here from this date to that date and their job title was y.

This is pretty normal.

As for colleagues, ask them to say you have decided it's time to move on and the organisation wishes you all the best.

titchy · 29/11/2020 12:02

Just say you left due to ill health. If you've been off sick for a while that won't be a surprise. You can't mention the pay off though (obviously!).

Reference - dates of employment, duties, add soft stuff - reliable, punctual, honest, friendly. Specific skills - 'considered expert in Bumble software package and trained others'? Do you have any recent positive annual reviews that you can ask them to quote a line from?

GrumpyHoonMain · 29/11/2020 12:52

There are legal rules around settlement agreements so read them carefully - get legal advice if needed (you can do this even after accepting). Generally in a case like yours a company will agree to give you a positive reference in exchange for your departure on x date (and you updating LinkedIn/CV accordingly). A big thing is colleagues or managers are usually not allowed to say anything about you (this tends to be a big clause and applies to you too - you can’t badmouth the company either) - this means you can take them to court if you have proof they are doing this.

I recently got £2k automatically from my old employer (redundancy settlement so no big deal) because one of my old managers, when approached by a prospective new employer for ‘feedback about me’, gave a positive review instead of directing them to HR. I didn’t even know about it but got a call from their solicitors to say the money was coming

Original poster

Iwillneverbesatisfied · 29/11/2020 15:32

DH is now saying to push for more money. He says "don't take the first offer".

I'm uncomfortable. I don't know whether I should push. Would they be expecting me to do that or would it risk them withdrawing their offer completely? My union guy did make it sound as though it was final but DH does not believe that.

OP posts:

flowery · 29/11/2020 15:48

@Iwillneverbesatisfied

DH is now saying to push for more money. He says "don't take the first offer".

The people best-placed to advise you are your solicitor and your union rep. It’s their job to get the best outcome for you, and they know far more than your DH does about the relevant law, the details of the case, and about your employer.

Gensola · 29/11/2020 15:57

You really need to stop listening to your DH. Stick with the experts!

NeilBuchananisBanksy · 29/11/2020 17:37

It sounds like your H is just seeing £ signs. Be guided by the experts.

KarmaNoMore · 29/11/2020 19:06

Your husband is going to end up making you look grabby and unreasonable.... and that is if he doesn’t manage to get you sick as well by extending this very stressful time for you in order to get more cash.

GrumpyHoonMain · 29/11/2020 19:07

@Iwillneverbesatisfied

DH is now saying to push for more money. He says "don't take the first offer".

They can withdraw it and next week put you on notice for a freebie dismissal on what sounds like real grounds. Is that what your DH wants? Just take the official advice you have been given!

GrumpyHoonMain · 29/11/2020 19:08

Remember you get the payout, PILON and unused holiday pay

Smallgoon · 30/11/2020 00:24

I'm responsible for our people department in the start up I work in so have become and bit of an ACAS/Employment Law "expert". They can withdraw the offer, and if it went to Tribunal, the fact that you said declined the first offer (which they then withdrew) could work against you, if it's deemed that their offer was reasonable. To me, it does sound a reasonable offer, particularly for a public sector organisation. In fact, it's pretty generous. MH is still (sadly) a bit of a grey area when it comes to discrimination on grounds of disability. It's not as clear cut as 'I'm wheel-chair bound and have continued to have issues with access' etc. I'd take the offer.

CayrolBaaaskin · 30/11/2020 00:59

If you ha e actually been offered that, I would bite their hand off as it’s a very good settlement. You would generally be very unlikely to get anything like that at tribunal. But obviously take legal advice on the specific details of your case.

LaBodDelMed · 30/11/2020 01:20

It’s not a game show.
Speak to your union rep / lawyer and then take their advice. Not your DH’s.
If I were you, however, I would be taking that offer.

SunnySideEye · 30/11/2020 01:20

Your DH sounds incredibly unreasonable and grabby. He seems to be informed by films and pop culture re: negotiations.

It's all very well him wanting to pay off the mortgage, but you can't do that in one go, you'll incur additional charges. [Hmm]

You'll need to make this money last and if you can't get a job in your sector, you'll get a job elsewhere for less money. It's not the end of the world. Spend less, cut costs where you can. You'll save on your commute if nothing else.

MooseBeTimeForSummer · 30/11/2020 01:35

How are your legal fees being paid?

SusieSusieSoo · 30/11/2020 02:10

Exit package is going to be linked to your earnings so we can't say on here what's good or not so good but it really isn't linked to how much it would cost to pay off your mortgage op. Your union should know what's a good deal tho

daisychain01 · 30/11/2020 04:08

I'd sack off your H, OP, he sounds horendous.

You've acknowledged he's unsupportive of you and wants you back at work ASAP. What kind of husband is that, when you have disabilities to live with,

That far more of an issue to resolve than your payoff!

SimplyRadishing · 30/11/2020 05:40

Agree. It's not a game show.
I said it before and say it again. It's a very good offer and you'd be stupid not to take it.

And at tribunal ( which you already said you dont want to go through) declining this may well go against you.

Your DP is being a dick. He isn't thinking about you - He is thinking about himself.
he is pushing for more so he can do less later. Why is no mortgage an imperitive?

For context our mortgage is over 500k. I make about 150k and I would take this settlement offer.

Don't fuck up your life to appease your husband because honestly sounds like he is setting this up to "blame you" whatever happens

SimplyRadishing · 30/11/2020 05:44

Also every offer we issued was basically best and final. It was put together based on the circumstances. We moved a tiny bit on certain things but certainly didnt add anything like 5k let alone 20k to packages

Original poster

Iwillneverbesatisfied · 30/11/2020 06:27

I'm in a union so that should help with my legal fees

I had another big argument with DH last night. He accused me of 'throwing away my career' and also said 'no wonder they want rid of you' (It is my TOTM and I'm moody on top of the stress of this too).

He's also said he doesn't want to tell his parents much about my package (he's a mummy's boy and MIL already doesn't think I'm a good enough house wife).

He is actually a very good husband but he's always been an arsehole when it comes to money. He was in debt years ago and also made redundant. I supported him through that and we are now debt free. But it's made him very anxious/rather obsessive about the cost of everything and how we spend our money so that is influencing his thinking. He keeps saying he wants me happy and he will support me but then he'll come out with a cunty comment.

I might try to set up my own consultancy business but I do worry no one will actually use it. I have no idea how to market it etc. I need to spend time thinking and planning anyway.

OP posts:

MRC20 · 30/11/2020 06:49

You'll be very unlikely to get 90k and a tribunal will take years currently so this is a silly option. Talk to them and take what you can get imo.

vanillandhoney · 30/11/2020 07:16

You have some serious DH problems.

Take the money.

Oblomov20 · 30/11/2020 07:30

I was so pleased to hear you were taking the offer, in your pp. Now your latest post re your Dh has been him sound like a knob!

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