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Original poster

Employer have said I have resigned - I haven't. Urgent help please!

999 replies

Titslikepicassos · 06/11/2020 18:25

I have a loooong thread in AIBU and received excellent support but things have escalated.

Long story short, I went on maternity leave this time last year. I had issues at work throughout my pregnancy, being shouted at and sidelined and told to move locations. Sorted it all out informally.

In March I asked to return to work early from Mat leave due to financial issues caused by lockdown. At this point my boss attempted to move me again, that didn't work and she then went back on the hours she had given me and it messed up my childcare.

I raised a formal grievance and put a flexible working request in at the same time. The company failed to do anything with my request and the grievance process was mismanaged and a data breach occurred in the middle of it, where my grievance letter was upload to a public file and seen by others.

The grievance was upheld in parts but they again tried to move me to a new location which doesnt work due to childcare issues.

I requested mediation with my boss in order to go back to work as I'm still not back 7 months later.

Today the regional director has said that they won't honour mediation and I have now resigned.

My union rep has disappeared and I received this at 16:00 today so couldn't get hold of ACAS.

Any advice would be very welcome!

OP posts:
WattleOn · 11/11/2020 22:17

I've reached peak anger this evening... it's a bit unbelievable really. If I'd known that you could just tell people they had resigned, I'd have had a much easier time at work!

Even angry, you have kept your sense of humour.

This has been an almighty fuck up on their part. Is the regional manager mates with your evil line manager? I vaguely recall that from your previous thread, I think.

💐💐💐

CrimsonCattery · 11/11/2020 22:19

Cards close to your chest OP. You are in the right and any blasting on SM will muddy the waters.

WattleOn · 11/11/2020 22:20

I could with someone talking me down at the minute - I am FUCKING FURIOUS. My company is all about reputation and I'm tempted to blast them on social media.

The gaslighting must make you feel Ike you are dealing with a brick wall.

I’m not sure social media is the way to go. Perhaps being profiled in newspaper article about working women and pregnancy would be better. Then you have more words/characters to roast them!

Original poster
Titslikepicassos · 11/11/2020 22:22

@WattleOn

I've reached peak anger this evening... it's a bit unbelievable really. If I'd known that you could just tell people they had resigned, I'd have had a much easier time at work!

Even angry, you have kept your sense of humour.

This has been an almighty fuck up on their part. Is the regional manager mates with your evil line manager? I vaguely recall that from your previous thread, I think.

💐💐💐

She was besties with the old regional director who I believe was fired for something unrelated to this. The new RD I've not met but from what I've heard, he's not a friend to anyone
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user1294729492759 · 11/11/2020 22:23

Don't. Lashing out will make you feel better for about 15 seconds and then it will blow up in your face and make you feel shit for much, much longer.

I get that you're feeling powerless but the way to take your power back is to stay calm and play the long game in your own best interests.

Original poster
Titslikepicassos · 11/11/2020 22:24

I know you're all right about not blowing it up but my god the temptation is huge!!

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WattleOn · 11/11/2020 22:27

I wonder if your line manager has done a snow job on the new regional manager and explained what he needs to do to get rid of you? The new regional manager might not be fully aware of the extent of this mess and the company’s policies and procedures. Just a possibility. And that definitely doesn’t mean their actions are remotely close to being correct.

MiniTheMinx · 11/11/2020 22:34

@ManxiousCat

I potentially wouldn't give them the heads up on seeking legal advice, don't play all your cards, let them second guess you. Let the Legals communicate with them when needed. Fight this all the way though, they have treated you horrifically and the emotional damage is as hard to deal with as the financial repercussions. I'm still struggling with how my former employer dealt with me when I raised a serious grievance, the efforts they went to get rid of me caused me to attempt to take my own life and I worked for a Mental Health charity. They were only concerned with their 'reputation'. Some employers give no fucks how they treat employees, they are mostly dispensible and money buys silence :-(
ManxiousCat I am so sorry you went through this as well. Similar happened to me in March. I raised a serious grievance for threatening and bullying behaviour, and another colleague raised a serious grievance for sexual harassment in respect of the same male member of staff. There were witnesses, phone records, email evidence,....both of our grievances were not upheld even though the perpetrator admitted to some of it. In the middle of it all someone reported a serious safeguarding in respect of the same male member of staff, I was lead so had to deal with it. My employer decided to try and cover up what amounted to a criminal matter(assault) I reported it to LA and Police. I was sacked because I refused to work with this person and refused to accept that it should be covered up. It has broken me. I have no faith in humanity, and I just don't want to work with people anymore. I hope things are getting better for you.

Titslikepicassos stay away from Twitter, I think you just have to be patient, things will probably move slowly. It's easy when you are stressed and on a roll to try and keep some sort of momentum and drama, especially when you feel powerless, sometimes doing nothing is the right thing to do!

AndromedaDud · 11/11/2020 22:59

Keep your cool. Every time you stay neutral, factual and resist the urge to slag them off publicly (or write a shitty email) is a minor victory!

Original poster
Titslikepicassos · 11/11/2020 23:05

@WattleOn

I wonder if your line manager has done a snow job on the new regional manager and explained what he needs to do to get rid of you? The new regional manager might not be fully aware of the extent of this mess and the company’s policies and procedures. Just a possibility. And that definitely doesn’t mean their actions are remotely close to being correct.
Potentially, she's great at playing the victim card - Not sure how she's managed to make look bad enough to be fired (I don't even know which word to use here!) I've been sat home, merely asking to come back to work!
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timeisnotaline · 11/11/2020 23:06

Fucking hell you poor thing.

I know you can’t right now but if it goes pear shaped create a new Social media account not linked to you and give them utter hell (they will work it out but people hiring won’t). I’m sure you could find a journo.

Original poster
Titslikepicassos · 11/11/2020 23:07

@MiniTheMinx - what happened to you is awful! I understand your desire to never work with people again. I've been telling DP I want to work in a lighthouse from now on.

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Original poster
Titslikepicassos · 11/11/2020 23:08

@AndromedaDud

Keep your cool. Every time you stay neutral, factual and resist the urge to slag them off publicly (or write a shitty email) is a minor victory!
But I'm petty
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Original poster
Titslikepicassos · 11/11/2020 23:11

@timeisnotaline

Fucking hell you poor thing.

I know you can’t right now but if it goes pear shaped create a new Social media account not linked to you and give them utter hell (they will work it out but people hiring won’t). I’m sure you could find a journo.

The industry I'm in is all over the news today. It would be a great time to highlight something like this. It's a terrible industry for many reasons but they really shouldn't be behaving as badly as they are, given the nature of the work we do.
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Phoenix76 · 11/11/2020 23:19

Op, I just want to add to the many others here that you’ve handled this situation admirably. I know you don’t want/need this fact but people like you fighting for justice really does help others who would sadly find themselves walking your path, it’s situations like this that leads to laws being made to prevent it and all the time there are brave people like you protesting it reduces more of these scenarios occurring. I agree with the others that your manager has been the catalyst for all this for whatever reason known only to them and the new Rd has probably been fed all sorts of untruths.

I’m also rooting for you and wish you success in whatever form that comes in. I also agree that try not to let it taint your time with your lo, one day you’ll be able to regale them with the story of your own David and Goliath tale. Good luck!

jakeyboy1 · 11/11/2020 23:51

What an awful situation.

I had a bad experience post maternity and ended up leaving with a compromise agreement. These can work if you get what you want out of them, but in your case I would be inclined to push for tribunal.

I would be slightly concerned at the length of time the solicitors are taking to come back. At the least I would expect them to be issuing something to say you have not resigned.

When I had my issue I literally asked a solicitor friend who would be the best person for employment law to go to and he told me who to see. I didn't have to pay a penny because the firm was in the wrong, I'm sure you wouldn't have to either if you need to move it.

Californiabakes · 11/11/2020 23:57

We’re all right behind you. Your employers have treated you deplorably. I’m so impressed by your strength over the last few months. Hope you can manage to keep going over this next wee while.

newrubylane · 12/11/2020 00:29

Haven't read the whole thread, so this may have been mentioned already, but pregnantthenscrewed.com/ offer free legal advice. Not sure how tailored it is to such a complex situation, but their helpline might be worth a call?

Bluntness100 · 12/11/2020 09:04

Yeah, you need to keep your powder dry here. I’m also a bit vindictive so I’d also want them to know I’m taking legal advice, I don’t think it makes any difference to the outcome of what eventually occurs, it’s not like they won’t have adequate time to prepare.

These things aren’t a surprise ambush where they get caught on the hop and it goes against them, it’s not like that. They will be given plenty of time. So all that’s happening now is they are being given the luxury of not sweating it.

Any news on your husband?

NameChange2PostThis · 12/11/2020 10:09

@Titslikepicassos I have followed your case with interest. What bluntness says is correct - keep your powder dry and let your lawyers do their job. This will not be quick but they will get you to an agreement if you hold your nerve.
As you know reputation is important to your employers, you could instruct your lawyers that whatever settlement you get does not preclude you sharing your experience publicly. And if you do choose to go public, go to mainstream media rather than SM. But think carefully about what works for you; most people conclude they’d rather take some extra money and sign a gagging clause than face the hassle of trial by media and ongoing impact on their lives. Sad but honest.

Original poster
Titslikepicassos · 12/11/2020 10:38

Thanks for the advice/support overnight - it's stopping me sinking into a pit of misery!

I'm not going to blow it up on social media. However, I've never been so tempted!

@Bluntness100 DP hasn't heard anything back - it's not looking positive, it's been discussed in a SLT meeting but still no reply either way. I think the company would be foolish to let him remain there tbh, he's a bit of a risk with everything going on.

I need to email RD and HR today asking for a response to what I need to do with my IT equipment, but I can't draft it, I'm just trying to squeeze passive aggression into every sentence. Need to stop.

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Original poster
Titslikepicassos · 12/11/2020 10:41

[quote NameChange2PostThis]@Titslikepicassos I have followed your case with interest. What bluntness says is correct - keep your powder dry and let your lawyers do their job. This will not be quick but they will get you to an agreement if you hold your nerve.
As you know reputation is important to your employers, you could instruct your lawyers that whatever settlement you get does not preclude you sharing your experience publicly. And if you do choose to go public, go to mainstream media rather than SM. But think carefully about what works for you; most people conclude they’d rather take some extra money and sign a gagging clause than face the hassle of trial by media and ongoing impact on their lives. Sad but honest.[/quote]
This was interning, thanks @NameChange2PostThis, I assumed that any settlement agreement took away the option to go public. If it gets to that stage, it will be something to consider carefully

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DdraigGoch · 12/11/2020 10:57

I suggest that every time you feel like blowing up at them, you write a rant down on paper. Then file it until this is all over. That way you can let off steam without jeopardising any legal proceedings.

Original poster
Titslikepicassos · 12/11/2020 11:26

@DdraigGoch

I suggest that every time you feel like blowing up at them, you write a rant down on paper. Then file it until this is all over. That way you can let off steam without jeopardising any legal proceedings.
Excellent advice, but I fear there is not enough paper in the world!
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Original poster
Titslikepicassos · 12/11/2020 15:45

Update -

I've just received a phone call from someone within the company, long and short of it is I need to decide what I want before they send everything to the company's solicitor. They don't want to incur legal fees. I believe this to mean a settlement.

I'm shocked that they haven't consulted a solicitor beforehand dismissing me tbh.

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