Being bullied working from home

[Ceriane]

So, I have been at my current job for 2 years and work with a really nice, friendly team. Have been working from home since March and quite enjoying it, no problems. However, in May we had a new line manager, and it didn’t take long for her to get her feet under the table. We were all really welcoming and settled her in, but after not very long she began running it like and absolute dictatorship and is making my life a living hell. We now have to log it on our screen if we leave our laptop for any reason such as to go to the loo or make a drink, and we are quizzed about it if it happens to be at a time she happened to want to ring us. We have to answer every e-mail she sends straight away (within seconds or she rings and asks why it hasn’t been answered) regardless of how many other emails we have or what else we might be working on and she is constantly emailing and ringing me. She has said that we have to log everything on a calendar for her to read as to exactly what we have been doing and when and will query it as though we are lying, if she sets a task she demands that you inform her how far you’ve got with it at the end of every hour and will ring me after about 15 minutes and accuse me of not doing it and say in a really creepy, deliberately intimidating sing song voice “if you have been working on this since 11.10am as your calendar suggests, then how come...” she will quibble down to the nanosecond everything you have said you’ve been working on on your calendar. A lot of our systems are shared and she seems to spend the entire day checking I’ve done what she has said straight away. I’m a well meaning person in my 30s and have never given her any reason to mistrust me. Every interaction I have with her she is really aggressive and quite abusive. You can’t relax for a second. She quizzes me on what time I started, we have to email her to let her know we have logged on. I can start any time between 8 and 9 and finish 8 hours later. If I send the email at 8.07 and then out of habit put 8.00am started working on such and such she rings me and I get the sing song voice “If you started at 8am as your calendar states how come I never had an email until 8.07?” She micromanages my every move! She has changed all our systems and made them unnecessarily complicated and she will check that you have followed every detail of this. If there is anything you have forgotten to do or been confused by she copies another more senior member of the team into the email detailing the errors and a lot of the time they are perceived errors because she has got confused. If you ask a question regarding any of her new systems she comes back aggressively with “we went through this yesterday, you said you understood. What is not clear?” If she asks you to do something and it takes longer than she thinks it should she rings and says”I’ve asked you to do such and such WHAT is the hold up?!” I’m fairly new to taking minutes, and in most jobs people say I’m really good at anything that involves writing. She doesn’t seem to understand why I can’t just ping them over to her an hour after the meeting and instead of commenting on the detail or if it’s well written she will say “not all of the bullet points were in a straight line, if this had have been for a bigger meeting there’s no way we’d have been able to send these out”. If she has been confused about one of our systems, she assumes I have got it wrong and when I’m in the middle of constructing an email back to her to explain the process, she will constantly email me asking why I haven’t e-mailed her back. I had to email her twice to say “can you just give me a minute, I’m looking into this” before sending her the big email explaining it. The list of examples goes on. She will accuse me of not attending meetings when she has got the time wrong or of not having my away sign on if I’m on my break when weirdly she always seems to need to “urgently” ring me at that time. She even went as far as to take a screenshot of it and sent it to a more senior manager. She just constantly rips me to shreds over things that I’ve previously had praise for in other jobs. She won’t let me decide how to plan my own workload or to jump to a different task to break it up a bit, if I do she speaks to me in the weird singsong voice again like she’s caught a wayward child doing something really naughty. I’m a grown adult with a flipping degree and a lot of experience, plus I’m well meaning and work really hard yet she makes me feel at best, incompetent and at worst like a criminal. I could go on and on there’s so many examples. My nerves are in shreds and she’s actually made me really ill. She’s never even worked in the office with us, she doesn’t know us, this has all been during the lockdown and working from home. She is by far the worst person I’ve ever worked with and to be honest ever met in my life! I just don’t know what to do!

When you raise a grievance usually you are asked to write down what the issue is and to provide examples, followed by an interview with you to understand the situation a little more. Followed by an investigation of sorts. Another manager from a different area of the business would be asked to run the investigation so that the review is objective.

So the process would be something like:

1. Email HR and say you need to raise a grievance and would like to understand what to do
2. They share with you the policy (if you can't access it already) and send any forms for you to document the issue
3. HR identify a manager to review

The manager meets with you, and then with the named people, and any witnesses mentioned

1. The manager should ask what the ideal outcome is for you
2. The manager should make a decision on what happens next. If they agree with your claims (bullying) for example then the person should go through disciplinary process for corrective action and resolution.
3. They can disagree and say what your experience isn't bullying (for example), but still have to resolve your feelings and offer solutions.

I've led many of these as the objective manager. HR should support to ensure the right processes are followed. If you are in a small business they might not have a policy for another manager to run the review and do this themselves. You can also call ACAS for free advice.

Thank you. I work solidly, honestly. I don’t think it’s that she doesn’t think I’m working, she is just obsessed with me doing things in her particular order and following her increasingly complicated processes and policies to the letter. I have to report back to her every hour and pre-empt how close I am to deadlines (with things that only have deadlines because she said so) if I don’t estimate it right, she does the sing song voice again “you stated at 11.00pm that you were halfway through this task, and that you would have it done by 4.00, yet you would have known by3.00 yesterday that this was a big task and would take at least until tomorrow morning yet it’s now 1.00 and yes you were advised to let me know 3 hours prior to a deadline, but you would have known yesterday that this was not possible.” It’s very bizarre....hard to even explain but this is how the conversations go. This is stuff that under normal circumstances wouldn’t even have a deadline, you’d just get on with it and let the person know periodically where you are at. She isn’t angry that I may miss the deadline (which if I do it’s only ever by a few minutes) it’s that I didn’t pre-empt and get back to her the time it would take accurately even though I’m letting her know how far I’ve got, on the hour every hour. Sometimes, if it’s coming up to next time I said I’d let her know she will ring and demand I share my screen and show her exactly how far I’ve got. Then she’ll rant on about it for 20 minutes further preventing me from meeting the deadline. She will also constantly ping emails over about other things and demand a response which throws off my train of thought, and once I quickly answered some emails that took 2 minutes tops when working on a deadline, some of our inboxes are shared, she rang me and acted like a murder had been committed “you have prioritised other tasks above a task that has a deadline. “ quoting times and dates and demanding to know why I did that. It really Islike dealing with a mad person!!!

@Ceriane this isn't normal at all and I'm sorry you are going through this. Like many other pp have mentioned, take it up to HR and that's why HR are there. Please don't suffer like I did. Take care of yourself.

OP this is horrendous. Do you have any email trails? I would be tempted to remove my headset and let her rant at me though my computer audio while recording on my phone, but I know you can't record someone without their permission. What has HR suggested you do?

I just don't understand this OP, I'm so sorry for you. There is no way this is acceptable; this is my first week back at work after maternity leave and we are all WFH. I'm getting so many emails about staff welfare and mental health, with so much emphasis on taking breaks and looking after ourselves.

She may be able to enforce asking you to switch your status to away (still overkill IMO as it does it after just 5 minutes) but she simply cannot and should not be penalizing you for leaving your desk, which is perfectly reasonable and especially in the WFH climate should even be encouraged.

You're working hard when you are at your desk. You cannot for your physical or mental health be chained to your desk for your entire working day. "I'm getting a coffee" and even "I'm stepping outside for 5 minutes of fresh air while the sun is shining" should all be considered perfectly fine by any half decent manager. Well actually, they shouldn't even be asking so frequently as to even know this!

I would strongly suggest you consistently push back against her with the mental health route. If she is being horrible again, I would be emailing her every day with HR copied in, and outlining that although an inquest was made into her management of you and it was agreed that changes would be made or that you felt positive changes were made, those changes have now been reverted and you are once again finding the situation untenable, and it is impacting on your mental health. You need to point out specific behaviours that were previously identified to be unreasonable, including any inappropriate conversations like "I am God", as well as any over use of checking up on your progress.

You have nothing to lose at this point. Complete those emails after each shitty day and separately enquire about raising a grievance with HR. It's not fair.

Just wanted to say as well as I know a couple of people have doubted you on the thread. I started a job last year with a company I had wanted to work for for years. The higher level managers have universally been fantastic but I also when through a period where my direct manager, due to a similar miscommunication issue actually, suddenly did a complete 180 and started micromanaging me. Not to the level you were, but constantly wanting to check over anything I did. I was pregnant at the time too. Luckily for me it resolved itself, I still got a glowing first appraisal and now I'm back things are great. But my point is, without sounding like an idiot I'm a really good worker with a good work ethic. I got a great reference from my previous job and ended up with a great appraisal in this job. But my manager still for some reason tried to go down the micromanagement route with me too. So it absolutely doesn't mean it must be down to you that they're acting like this.

But it's perfectly normal to break up a large task with a longer deadline but dealing with different work like emails??

I would start being very blunt with her as 1. She deserves it and 2. You have nothing to lose if you are job hunting.

My response would have been I needed a small break from the massive spreadsheet to refresh my eyes and clear my head/have a break from the monotony of data entry. And my response to her emails would literally be, I can get a lot more work done without these constant check ups, surely you (manager) can see the inconsistency with reprimanding me for answering work emails when I'm supposed to be working on the spreadsheet, while also insisting I email you so frequently?

I've wfh for 7 years , unfortunately there is this stigma that you are doing nothing. My last job was very much like this I was so anxious all the time , adrenaline running through my body , colleagues and superiors on my back non stop. I got made redundant due to covid and I was really sad about that but I got a new job now and the difference in my stress levels is unbelievable

This all sounds awful OP - I can't believe it's still going on.

Just keep telling yourself it isn't you! You know it isn't.

I'd add 4 hours to every deadline she gave me - and record that via email. Start doing 'to confirm our conversation' emails after every interaction with her so you have a log you can share with HR. Or even start doing a blind copy of every email communication you have with her so HR can see what's going on in real time - they will be shocked at how often she is emailing you.

You could also turn it around a little by confirming the priorities for the day with her every day - again, do it via email. Something simple like Dear Cowbag Manager, my priorities for today are X, Y, Z. Allowing for adhoc emails and interruptions these will be delivered by X, Y, Z (make sure you put in a time you CAN deliver, not when she says). Finish off with 'if you want to make any changes to the priority of projects, please let me know. And send this to her EVERY day. If she responds ranting and raving by phone, follow up with an email to confirm the conversation and keep HR on BCC.

I know you feel overwhelmed by this, but I would encourage you to speak to HR again and ask for a meeting with HR and her line manager to get this resolved. Her line manager needs to see how poor her management skills are.

Bloody hell she's a nasty piece of work. She's bullying you and it sounds like nobody is interested in actually helping you. Id very very strongly advise going off sick to give yourself some distance before deciding what to do next. You can't make a sensible decision about your future while you're under this much stress. Take some pressure off yourself. I've been in your situation and ended up being off for a few weeks and when i came back i submitted a grievance.

Honestly op i work in HR raise a grievance this is ridiculous behaviour and a massive overstep from someone who has only just joined the business.

It might be an issue with her style it might be a cultural issue but I strongly believe at the moment businesses have to trust their staff to be professional if you’ve given them no reason not to trust you then she is being completely unreasonable and you could raise a grievance or a case of harassment against her.

Answer the first call from her or set up a morning catch up where you can outline where you are with stuff. Don't answer any other calls but log them and sent to her manager / whomever said one call a day.

Something I would consider is have an excel document bin a shared area she can access.

Plan 2/3 days in advance and block each day into what you will do.

9-1 work on task A
2-3 review emails and work plans
4-5 new tasks if required or revert to task A

THEN
As the day goes along plot what i you in actually did and have a section for
"Discussions/meetings/emails with X" and allocate how much time it takes up!!

The ONLY reason she should be contacting you ad hoc is for you to carry out an urgent task by dropping everything else.

Many people have to keep timesheets and this is just a glorified version of that.

I agree with PP and, at the risk of sounding really harsh OP, most of the advice here is around being proactive and starting to take control of the situation for yourself rather than being reactive to her and hoping someone will notice/help as I think you are at the moment. Sorry if that's a bit brutal but I think you do have some choices here, you can start to manage this (manage her - some excellent suggestions from @RandomMess and @ittooshallpass ) and take control this. You don't have to wait until it gets so bad you go off sick/quit/ one day she leaves.

I think you should start thinking, almost with every step you take to be more proactive- what's the worst that can happen? And why is that so bad? And then what will I do? And take a deep breath and do it.
You're already talking about leaving anyway.
You raise a grievance - what's the worst that can happen?

You can manage upwards- Hello Shitbag, thanks for your call, I am working on X today but if you also want me to work on Y that will mean X is delayed, which would you prefer I do? - what's the worst she can say? And practice your responses. Write it down. Plan what to say beforehand.

Clarity around expectations and priorities, in writing, confirm verbal stuff by email, changes to expectations and priorities in writing. Give her choices and ask her to choose.
Ask her for feedback (specific, actionable) confirm in writing, demonstrate improvements, in writing.
And you need to start the grievance process.
You can do this, it will be scary, but you can do it.

I have posted before OP, you now need an urgent conversation with her manager and HR as this is bullying

HR should not be waiting for her review at 6 months - that’s more than likely the end of her probation period.
You need to go back and say this doesn’t work for you, that nothings changed and you’re still suffering from, what you believe is bullying.
She shouldn’t be able to create her own wfh policy - there should be a general company one that everyone follows. She should be sticking to that and not reinventing the wheel. Put that in the log to HR as well.

Thank you so much for all your replies. It restores my sanity!!! Believe me I do send emails like “I am working on xyz today, which would you like me to do first” add almost hoping she can sense my sarcasm! I don’t entitle them “Dear Shitbag” although I would love to see her reaction if I did!!!! I’m going to raise a grievance and give HR and her line manager as much info as possible. I think HR have already tried to stop her ringing me, as her calls today kept defaulting to her line managers voicemail, which has never happened before...however this just caused her to keep trying and then she got herself into a tizz and demanded I ring her!!!! She really is something else.

I can't believe you've put up with it for so long. I mean I'm heavily monitored as it's a contact centre but.. my managers emails/calls are "phone lines have broken/this has changed/do this and get an early finish"
If I was in unavailable for say 10 mins he might ring me and ask if I was ok or had I forgotten to make myself available or something but only out of concern and checking I'm not messing my own stats up!

Hi OP. I would echo other pp. Stop responding. Ignore her emails and calls. Send one email each morning telling - not asking - her what you are going to do today. Set your Skype/Teams to Busy or Do Not Disturb. Every time she rings - ignore but make a note of time. Ignore every email. Put then in a folder and then send a copy of them to HR plus the list of calls - if she continues to make them. Continue to manage your time and your workload as you see fit. You know your job inside out I presume and you don't need to be managed. Repeat this every day until she gets the message or HR deal with her. You read on MN how to deal with abusive ex parters - contact by email only - and read the emails when you are strong enough. She is an abuser. Turn off the abusive tap.

Thank you. She really makes me feel like it’s me. She insists on a Skype catch-up every morning. If I’m 3 mins late logging into that she emails an aggressive sounding email with her line manager copied in (as much as to say....”see what I have to put up with?). The deal she makes over minor mistakes is unbelievable... but more so in failing to adhere to her conflicting and increasingly complicated rigid rules, policies, processes that she keeps inventing. She goes mental if I ever don’t answer the phone, email or just miss something she has said in an email “you have failed to do this as per policy. I clearly stated in an email WHAT is not clear!”

Let her go mental. What is the worse thing she can do? Sack you? Let her crack on and try. Switch her off. Don't engage in her daily catch-up call. Grey rock OP. Grey rock.

@Ceriane I haven't read full thread but worked for someone exactly like this - down to the God comment! He ended up sacked for multiple (double figures) counts of harassment and bullying - once one person spoke up they ended up interviewing everyone and it was extremely satisfying.

Please don't hesitate to go to HR, you can't work under these conditions!

Going to go rtft now :)

This might be of interest to you OP. I was completing some mandatory training and came across these HSE recommended standards that include how much say a person has in the way they do their work and employees are not subjected to unacceptable behaviours, e.g. bullying at work.

www.hse.gov.uk/stress/standards/index.htm

@Ceriane it's definitely not you.
I would also mention to HR her implementation of new "policies" such as her own special working from home requirements and the fact that she refers to them as "policy". You feel conflicted as these are different to the company's official policies, and you're being treated differently to other teams whose bosses don't have their own personal "policies" 🙄
I don't get what you mean they've done with her calls to you - they divert to her boss now?? And HR told you she's only allowed to call you once a day?
This sounds like progress at least.

She is badgering you. The constant badgering interrupts the flow of your work, stresses you out, creates more work when you have to account for your every three seconds, etc...
this harpy is really victimizing you to create a job for herself. Why don’t you ask to be videoed working instead of having her constantly call and email you? They can monitor you keystrokes, etc... (even watch you pick your nose if they want...). They will be able to see that you’re not on Facebook (unless that’s part of your job) and you’re not in bed, etc. You can log off to pee, eat lunch in peace, etc... log back in, etc....

I’m so sorry OP you’re still going through this, OP 😔 How is the job hunt going?

Keep on at HR! I’ve had a job like this before. It’s absolutely soul destroying.