How many of you returned to work after your 1st child thinking you could have it all, then realised the truth and...

[artichokes]

...expedited getting pregnant again just so you could stop working?

I ask on 9.30pm on a Friday night as I finish catching-up on the work I could not finish this week because I had to pick DD up on time. Once I have finished with this thread I will go and pack my bag for my Sunday morning business flight that will take me away from my daughter for a week.

I never realised how hard juggeling work and family would be. DH and I have been discussing it all week and instead of leaving a three year gap we are going to try for a baby ASAP so that I can be at home again. If we are lucky enough to conceive I will take a career break after my maternity leave.

I know three others who are rushing their next pregnancies because working is too hard. Are there more out there?

Surely everyone works for either money or enjoyment? Otherwise what would be the point?

Squiffy, your post is wonderful. I like to think that our family life is like that, but in reality I think I am a bit more tired than you are.

I think it would be heartbreaking to be working FT because you really, relaly needed the money but didn't enjoy working or at least would much prefer to be with your children. I know some mums in that bought, married and single and it's a hard row to hoe. Totally different from profesional or other mums who actually like working and prefer to work.

Myself - I feel caught in bewteen and would prefer to work PT - the Holy Grail of the 3 Day Week.

I also wonder how many mums rush to have dc2 not only for the maternity leave, but because it's hard to justify being a long-term SAHM to one child. If we had been able to have more children - I would probably haven taken some sort of break and really rethought my working future (but not abandoned it indefinitely). Jill

boat even....

This thread here adds something to the debate:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/1375/389671

Hurley Burley - I may be really stupid but what exactly is the point of adding the other thread.

Not picking a fight or anything but I really am wondering what point you are trying to make with it.

Haven't read all the thread but just to say that my days at work are the EASY ones! I get to go to the loo all by myself - I get to 'sit down' for more than twenty seconds at a time.... I get to deal with rational reasonable people (mostly) .....I could go on and on..!

I had 2 sons 21 months apart.... BLOODY hard work for ages - still is bloody hard work!! Don't go thinking having a second baby and staying at home is easier than having one and going to work becuse it's bloody not!

Well the reason for adding that thread was for other people like me really.

See Squiffy and others like her are doing a marvellous job of combining working with children.

Whilst I am not doing so marvellously. I work and I enjoy working but I am tired most of the time and I do feel that I am making a lot of compromises.

Yet the Niceglasses thread was really just a reminder that staying at home isn't necessarily a walk in the park either.

i have twins. i went back to work when they were 7 months old for 3 days p/w. that was 11 months ago i now work 3 1/2 days p/w. they attend nursery and enjoy it and i am enjoying work!!! i find it much quieter at work!!!!

Thanks Hurlyburly. I think I get it now.( at inability to work it out for myself).

I think everybody wants to fight their own corner and justify their choices but the reality there is no perfect solution (despite what Xenia seems to think). We all have to do what is best for our families and ourselves. Actually I think Anna's reasons for working apply just as much to staying at home. In terms of money you SAH if you can afford it or if you can't afford to work because of childcare costs or your do it for your own 'enjoyment' because you don't like your work, you enjoy spending lots of time with your children or whatever.

Both routes require planning and organisation. I think it is easier to see that if you are a working mother because the effort of getting out the house and going to work make that obvious, but you also need to plan your time and have some sort of structure to your day if you are a SAHM both for yourself and for your children. If you don't you spend your day watching daytime telly and getting depressed. You get out of it what you put in.

Every choice has its boring bits - for me work was way more boring than being at home with small children and I have no wish to go back to that any time soon. I am very lucky that I have the choice not too. You have to weigh up what gives you the best life and make it work for you. I am also using my SAHM to make a career change and to do some more studying so I am lucky to have that breathing space to change direction.

To go back to the OP I can understand why some women would want to have their children close together to maximise the amount of time out of the workplace and at home with the children though. In the end though they are delaying the choice they have to make about how they live the next few years of their lives. I am wondering what will have changed a year or two down the line when they have two children and still have a demanding job and even more hassle as there are 2 children to think of rather than one.

Niecie - you make a good point about planning and organisation.

One of the aspects I value most greatly about being a SAHM is the ability to structure my time and our family life. Life doesn't arrive pre-packaged on your doorstep - you have to create it yourself. I think that suits some personality types and not others.

Ah, Hurlyburly, I never said I wasn't dog tired most of the time! My mum asked me what I wanted for my birthday the other week and I asked for an overnight babysitting session so I could have a lie-in with DH without one of us having to get up at 5 (when DD wakes).

We all do our very best, and sure there are always a few cracks that get papered over in every life that is lived. So long as we believe we are individually doing the right thing by our family then we are OK I reckon.

Well said squiffy-both posts!