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I’m a career coach for women changing direction AMA

375 replies

Angliski · 18/02/2020 01:16

Hello

I’m a career coach with 15 years experience of heaping women find the right rile and change direction. I also have a newborn cluster feeding so am pretty bored. Ask me anything!

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Coversblown · 19/10/2020 20:58

Hi @Angliski, this is such a great thread!
Are you still answering questions? Just stumbled across this as I was about to post my own to ask for some advice re: career change/retraining.
I’m late 30s and left my digital marketing role 2 years ago- it’s something I was never very confident/good at and wanted to spend more time with my young children..
I decided I wanted to go back to work and have been applying for roles since before COVID and am feeling disheartened with all the job rejections. I have some money put away in savings that were supposed to be for a house extension but I’m wondering about using it to retrain. I’ve always loved the idea of being a midwife but never fully considered doing it.
It’s still something I’d love to do though I got a D at gcse for Maths and for Science so really would have to start from scratch, which worries me!
I’d also love to go into some sort of counselling or art therapy but again my lack of science qualification may make this hard. What kinds of jobs are there out there which are in demand and can be retrained for at this stage?

Loti92 · 20/10/2020 21:10

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Angliski · 24/10/2020 22:58

Hello, still answering- just a bit full on here stm with work and baby and house still being renovated and NEW CATS!!! I will reply :)

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Angliski · 26/10/2020 12:30

@Coversblown thanks for writing! Well a few things here.

  1. What experience do you want? Digital and midwifery are rather different experiences, but both help people. Are you thinking to retrain because you fancy a change or because you are disheartened about applications so far?
  1. Got to be tenacious. The right role at the right firm, will come along. Have you asked your network?
  1. I’m not really one for the market for jobs atm, that’s more career advisory. I’m not really qualified for it. But you Dan certainly research this- contact the midwifery national body for a chat as a first step?
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Angliski · 26/10/2020 12:32

@Loti92 hello. I don’t believe in sticking with something you have outgrown when it’s bad for your mental health.

Have a think about
What am I good at?
What subjects or experiences do I enjoy?
How do I measure feeling like my work is meaningful/interesting/rewarding?

Come up with three things to answer to the above and we can brainstorm together! If you struggle, ask someone who loves you. :)

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Daphnesmate02 · 05/11/2020 22:46

This is an interesting thread. I am going to take the time to read it through again. Thanks for posting op. I have always lacked direction and this has given me many things to think about.

stillcountingmyvotes · 06/11/2020 07:09

@Angliski, this is a brilliant thread, thank you.
Are you still there? I have a question if you are...

Angliski · 10/11/2020 16:41

@stillcountingmyvotes I am!
@Daphnesmate02 thank you - happy to help

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ilovebrie8 · 10/11/2020 20:15

Going to read this thread...I want a career change but feel am too old to start again ...Confused

stillcountingmyvotes · 11/11/2020 14:42

@Angliski, thank you.
My question is a bit different (I think). I don't want to be too outing, but this:
....Careers are a combination of using your skills, in an area of passion to pursue a goal/impact that matters to you. You will be happiest when you do these three things in an environment that suits your working style. I call this the career equation....
I love this. But do you have any advice for people who are utterly burnt out? I was bullied out of a dream job.
I'm now in a public sector job with a lovely team, supportive manager, but the pay is only just over NMW. After a year's struggle, I managed to get a promotion, but the increase was tiny (think; not even 20 a month). I've explored many opportunities for progression, but have got nowhere.
At some point, I am going to need to earn more and to stimulate my brain again. But I have lost my spirit. I could tell you what the old stillcountingmyvotes liked - teaching, developing training, writing, being creative and helping people bloom. But now, that all feels theoretical. My days are about peeling myself from the sheets, plastering my mask on and waiting until the day's over and I can be alone again.
Yep, on ADs, etc. But I need to restore my sense of purpose. However each time I take a step forwards - investigate volunteering on my day off, or look at a different career - the exhaustion just submerges me. I wonder as well if getting older is a part of this - I see through so many job adverts now to the grim reality belief.
Sorry, that was cheerful, wasn't it:-)

stillcountingmyvotes · 11/11/2020 14:43

Ps. Please be gentle with me. I know I'm lost in a self-pitying treacle at the moment.

Vintage123 · 11/11/2020 15:48

stillcounting...I feel similarly. I have always had a job helping people but feel in many ways burnt out. Taking time out now and trying to get a hobby business going (I have a pre-schooler) and in the thick of peri-menopause. I plan to do some voluntary work later on to get me out meeting people again...but the motivation and crucially my confidence is lacking. I have always had a battle with anxiety - I have the perfect knack of talking myself out of something as opposed to giving something a go. As mentioned upthread, for me, the experience has to be right or least a large part of it. Also, previously worked for public sector. I have recently finished writing a novel and I am so pleased I have achieved this - no agent, so will be self-publishing.

dooratheexplorer · 11/11/2020 16:51

@stillcountingmyvotes

I totally get where you are coming from!

stillcountingmyvotes · 12/11/2020 06:51

@Vintage123 and @dora, thank you. The thing is, when you are in this treacle, the usual excellent advice (absolutely no offence, @Angliski) doesn't work - at least, it doesn't for me.
I can't think about my passions or what working environment suits me or what I have to bring to the world, because I've had so many experiences of trying to follow a passion or trying to find the right working environment and it hasn't worked. So the well is dry.
The other problem is that if I ask myself what I truly want, now, it's to stay in bed and just let it all go. I don't want yet another knock back.
@Angliski sorry, this is a tough one I've given you here - but if you have encountered clients who have fallen into this morass and have any light to shed on how to get out, I would be incredibly grateful. The thought of the day ahead fills me with dread.

stillcountingmyvotes · 12/11/2020 07:07

This is exactly the sort of thing that makes me feel sick:
www.bbc.co.uk/news/explainers-53685650

It's a compilation of advice on how to get started on a career change- 'start with your core skills; use your personal as well as professional networks; get stuck into all the free courses online', etc etc.
It's all excellent advice.
But I read it and I can feel my heart rate increasing - I am in my late 40s and I have an idea of my core skills, but I've tried all this over and over and got nowhere; my personal networks are sick of hearing from me; no free courses interest me because frankly nothing interests me at the moment, and if I do start one, I tell myself it's a waste of time because it's not the right course (this has actually been the case; I have a drawer of wasted qualifications).
Sorry - I'm not trying to deny the possibility of change - I'm hungry for change - just trying to illustrate the nature of the problem.
Even just other people saying they relate, helps. I'm sick of reading blogs from truly fantastic women which start 'In year X I had a breakdown and today I'm running a successful home business.' Not sick for them! Delighted for them! But sick for myself - how do they do it? How did they shift from 'can't make it to the shower' to 'successful home business?'
Apologies; a lot of caffeine this morning.

Whitegrenache · 12/11/2020 07:10

Can I ask what qualifications you have as a coach? Not being snarky btw just generally interested. I am a ILM level 5 coach which took my 2 years to do and during that journey I discovered lots of coaches don't have an official qualification- or does it matter? Is experience enough? I work as a sales coach at the moment but could adapt my skills to anything/anyone to be honest and often thought about if I ever went freelance where would my niche market would be - I though menopause as this is often a very challenging part of a woman's life Smile

Marmaladecake · 12/11/2020 22:40

@stillcountingmyvotes I too get where you are coming from. I'm mid forties, in a part time admin job that is going nowhere.

It does help to know I'm not the only one to feel this way.

stillcountingmyvotes · 13/11/2020 07:19

@Marmaladecake, you're definitely not and I'm with you. Sitting here dreading the start of the working day. While aware that I'm more fortunate than many, in having a job. I really feel this is a gap in the coaching market - everyone I have researched so far gets you to start by 'identifying your passions'. But what do you do if your passions have been rung out to dry?

AJS2019 · 13/11/2020 10:57

I think we are all in the same situation here, mid 40s and lost about what to do. I have an interview this afternoon for a job I REALLY do not see myself in, ironically I am applying for jobs that I can do (admin) but I'm just not getting the interviews. I spend time going through Job Description and tailoring the application to the job but still nothing. I dunno if I'm missing the point or what, I've read lots of advice, watched you tube, think it must be me. I am being choosey about what I go for because I have zero support network so it would be me taking on childcare issues as there is no-one to just call up. I live rural so I have no friends close by either, that said I only have a couple of friends who both work anyway. I feel so cut off, I need help with my applications as I must be doing something wrong. I want to work, the reason I went for the job (which I don't even want) is because I was feeling really lonely and thought it may be a way to get to know people, its only a seasonal job for xmas so I will still go but I am not looking forward to it at all. Sorry this is all so negative, we are all in this massive uncertain hole right now, I haven't even got the job yet but if don't its just another rejection on the pile AGHHH can't win. If anyone has a good source for job application help please share I really want to get out of this negative spiral. Thanks

Vintage123 · 13/11/2020 12:21

I have zero support network so it would be me taking on childcare issues as there is no-one to just call up.

This applies to me too. Also mid forties. I went for a term time admin job a few years ago - approx 2 days a week. I didn't get it, the person who did had been made redundant and practically walked into it having very relevant experience versus sahm for years (apparently, I scored well on the tests and performed well at interview, so came very close). But the thing that struck me was the amount of work they were asking for the number of hours (according to the job description) including some research. I drove home feeling like I wouldn't want it even if they offered it to me.

Regarding passions, I am looking to my childhood to re-discover the things I enjoyed. This is probably more relevant to hobbies but it has been a start.

stillcountingmyvotes · 13/11/2020 17:39

@AJS2019 and @Vintage123, it's so hard, isn't it. There's nothing more demoralising than applying for a job that, deep down, you don't really want, but you don't know how else to step forward.
@AJS, I'm sure @Angliski will be back with better advice, but one thing I do with job applications is write them in 'their language'. So if they ask for 'skills in juggling and brick laying, even under pressure' I start the paragraph: 'I have strong experience of juggling and brick laying, even in pressurized situations.' Then I give them an example of when I've done that.
You're probably already doing that, anyway. It's not you. It's a really tough job market out there.

Angliski · 13/11/2020 22:33

Hello everyone, cravens you have been busy! So much to respond to here. Baby ha been teething and had a back issue I needed to sort as I couldn’t lift him!

Ok.

  1. *@stillcountingmyvotes*@Vintage123 and others... burn out. Yes, I do work out with many clients at this point. In fact, that’s what often pushes them to get help at a really critical time. It becomes both urgent and important and emotionally inescapable, to get out.

I’ve also been there myself. Will tell story when I have space to. I did a recent webinar on burnout, drop me a DM for link as It gets deleted if I post it here.

Things that help:

  1. If you are burnt out, you can’t and shouldn’t be thinking about your passions. If at all humanly possible, you should be doing as much as you possibly can, to regenerate, to stop and to rest. Self care, whoever and however you can.
  1. If it is an option, consider holiday time off or sabbatical. Just use leave to rest as much as you can.
  1. If it your actual job that’s breaking you, I would always explore with you how you could facilitate a safe and swift exit, if that is what you needed to retain your health.
  1. Burnout happens when your equation isn’t in alignment. When you work significantly outside of your fundamental make up, it is freaking exhausting. So the thing to diss is, is it the skills and work I am doing that exhausts me? Is it the subject area that dinindhes my enthusiasm? Is it the way that success and my value is being measured here? Or is it the environment?

If you reply, all of the above, consider a swift exit.

More often than not though, it is one of the four equation factors that is out of joint. Once you can get specific about which bit needs to be upped, then you have more energy and a more manageable plan of action. That’s why the definition work is so important, because until you have diagnosed the specific issue, you can’t shift it.

Example. I once worked at a big training company for eight months as their head of a new product line. There were 30 consultants and 400 sales people. Before I joined it I knew that it was a little bit mental. But I felt like I really needed a job at that particular point and so I compromised on my intuition that the environment was going to be just way too chaotic for me. Paragraph I quite like the work and I was interest in the subject areas and I cared about the outcomes for clients so that means it passion and impact are in alignment and I was using plenty of skills that I liked using so it should be good but environmentally I was just too asked for, as in suddenly a huge volume of projects were all coming at just me and my product- extending me way beyond the capacity I could fulfil in waking hours, let alone working hours. Plus, I wanted to do exceptional work and wasn’t able to let my standard slip just to get something out the door. A job hadn’t worked out previously for me and so I was a bit self-conscious about wanted to getting it right this time.

Coupled with many let’s say, ‘shirkers’around me the crippling level of the work that I needed to do, plus the exhausting amount of pointless meetings that I was supposed to attend which left me with no time to do the actual work, broke me in the end. I negotiated a mutual agreement termination of contract. And I read my book instead. It took me a long time to recover. At least a good five months.

When I picked myself back up, I chose carefully. Third time lucky. And it was way better.

Sometimes you have to go through something shit to discover what you don’t want.

  1. Sometimes what you want is so far away from what you are doing, that it an feel impossible to ever make a shift in mindset, energy, role, behaviour or whatever. This applies beyond careers, btw. Recognising that this is where you are at is awareness. And awareness in itself, can be curative and is certainly half the battles.

Then you become curious... why do I feel this way? What has worked and hasn’t and why? What does my being really need right now and how can I get super creative about making that experience happen. It’s at to much to explain with thumbs on social
Media, but you get the gist I hope. If you think about any other major changes in life, the probably began with either a wake up call (I’ll health, depression, panic etc) or through an opportunity (leave home,new love, job offer) etc.

The cleaner we are about what we want to experience in our work/life/family etc the more feasible it becomes to move a little bit towards it each week.

Will post more but I hope that is a helpful starter for ten. So much more to say but must abed for today :)

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Angliski · 13/11/2020 22:33

@AJS2019

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mummabear32 · 13/11/2020 22:36

Would love this, I dont know what I want to do, I've been out of work for years looking after my children, I have no idea what my steps are at going back to work. Would love some advice.

Angliski · 13/11/2020 22:41

@Whitegrenache this is such a good question. So, I trained when there really want much qualification based coaching training around, in 2004. I did a distance learning course with Newcastle college over 6 months, including many practice hours, can’t remember how many but it took months and I wasn’t working then and was v diligent, so it must have been coming on for 100. I’d also been facilitating personal development workshops for some years by the time that I started coaching v fruewnetly snd by that time the business schools etc had caught on and started charging like 10K for people to train. What annoyed me was they didn’t equip those grass to thrive in the self employed worked and think about the business side of this soil set, so many people invest a lot ina. Shortish course and don’t really make a living from coaching excuse they don’t like or know how to, sell their service.

I digress. Anyway, so since then I regularly take training that interests me, qualifications or not. I’ve also been on lots of great courses as just me, not with my coaching hat on, including biographical storytelling, parental effectiveness training ( amazing, Thomas Gordon, look it up and transform your comma with everyone forever) , ivf webinars, very in-depth facilitation training, therapeutic work in nature and many other useful things.

I am all for learning. Always. But know the agenda of your provider and have that inform your choice. ILM are reasonable and quite well designed, if a little ‘bookish’... how are you finding it?

Nowadays I run my own accreditation and train coaches all over the world so I feel it would be a bit weird to retrofit a qual in. I coach all kinds of folk from all over the world, all different industries, ages, backgrounds whatever, using the same method with unique and personalised results.

Not a single client has ever asked if I am qualified! Isn’t that strange? I mean, lots of other people have but never a client.

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