I’m a career coach for women changing direction AMA

[Angliski]

Hello

I’m a career coach with 15 years experience of heaping women find the right rile and change direction. I also have a newborn cluster feeding so am pretty bored. Ask me anything!

OP what an interesting job you have. A lot of it seems to boil down to your clients ‘knowing themselves‘. I am trying to think more consciously about work ‘me’, as I have found having a child has really changed what I can commit to at work, in terms of my time. I can’t do the gold plated service that I have always strived for in the past. However I still want to progress and have an interesting career that I enjoy.
I find it hard to stop thinking in the here and now firefighting of juggling childcare and work so much and know I need to get strategic about my next 3, 5, 10 years. I find time is flying by very quickly (mid-40s). I am in a job in which I have stopped learning anything new in a while ago (red flag) yet I stay because it’s flexible in hours.

I need a more lucrative direction and have some ideas to try out but I just seem to never quite make the leap to start myself out on the path. Have you got any tips on how to prioritise thinking about the future, start putting out some feelers to make it happen, getting my mind out of the every day?

I used to be quite brave about going for new things before children, but I turned down a good job offer recently because they wanted much greater commitment of hours than I could give, despite offering more interesting work and better money than I am currently doing. Maybe I have lost confidence. I need to focus and value my future enough to plan it, but also find a time to break the link between more senior= more time at work and just can’t quite see how a manageable version of career progression could look. Consultancy? Project-based working? Sit it out a few years in a less senior PT job so I can spend time with my DC but then step it up in 5 or 10 years? none of that sounds very realistic and I feel a bit at sea with it all.

@BirdsDoIt the speed and culture of virtually all companies with some notable exceptions, is testosterone fuelled. It assumes a level of push, drive, relentless focus, that suits the male body more than the female. This is why you feel exhausted by it- you aren’t really built for it. Most of us aren’t.

Knowing this can be a big relief. It’s a physical make up issue. So, either we:

Find a company driven by a different approach to thriving at work (these are growing in number as this pace isn’t healthful for anyone and is increasingly recognised as unhealthy)
Or
We opt out and become self employed, this creating our own environment, or
We consciously work to adapt the environment to a more holistic and manageable one- this might include less visibility in the office, or turning down the dial on our own engagement with the culture or initiating a conversation on behalf of The health everyone in the business.

What do you think? What appeals most?

@BogDiscuits - love your username!

It’s hard to discuss options without knowing more about your ‘more lucrative opp’. Can you say a bit more?

I completely get this. My first and Michael longed for son is 9 months old. I have a consultancy and a team and full control of my time and a very hands on 50/50 co parenting dh and I still find this a work in progress. Becoming a parent is probably the largest life perspective shift you will ever make.

To your point- where you look tends to be where you go. How might you invest time in getting very clear and specific about what you want out of work? The clearer you are about what this picture could look like, the more able you will feel to take steps toward it. Try not to worry about whether it is for-able’ and instead focus on what it is that you want,

How might you explore the gaps in your knowledge a tiny bit at a time? What action could you take daily, that takes just a few minutes, to invest in that future? E.g talk to others, scope your proposition, pitch it to potential client/employer? Find the micro action every day that lines up with your vision of how you want life to be.

Also, know that doubts, uncertainty, procrastination are all like ballast on your hot air balloon. You won’t get rid of them altogether ( and we don’t want to, as they often have a useful function in your life- warning you of risks) , but you need to be able to keep taking action in spite of them. A good thing to help woth this is what I call ‘worst case scenario’.

Write down a list of all the catastrophes and worries e.g

I will become irrelevant in my field
It will take too long to build up my reputation and I will lose everything
My mother will be cross etc

For each of these, follow up with the following questions or columns in a table.

1. How serious would it be if this happened?
2. How likely is this to happen?

Rate both of the above on a scale of 1-10

1. Would you survive if it did happen? Y/n as in would you still be alive?
2. What can I do or have I already done to reduce the chances of this?
3. What could I do to help make sure that the exact reverse of this happens?
4. Of it did happen, what is my plan b?

This might sound a bit laborious but it is very important to work logically with the panicky emotional brain. As long as you think that something you want will cost you too much, you are going to be in conflict and this not take any action.

Hope that helps!

Hello!

I'm applying for a job that I have a little experience in from 8 years ago both because I want a change and because my industry has completely collapsed due to Covid. Any tips on how I can make them take me seriously in my cover letter?

@Angliski that’s interesting - I find it hard to shake the conviction that if I could only work faster / be more productive then my problems would be solved but having worked all hours in lockdown, I can see that really isn’t the case. My department is actually almost entirely female but I think you’re right that the ethos is what you describe. The final option of creating a more holistic and healthy work environment where I am is the most appealing but despite best intentions nothing ever seems to change. There is definitely an appetite to achieve a better balance - a lot of saying how busy we are, how crazy this is, we need to prioritise better - and the company says they are keen to do this, we are a creative/arts industry - but in terms of making it happen for our team, we don’t ever seem to make much headway. It’s not that they’re paying lip service, just more that we all agree that the stress levels aren’t manageable but can’t find a way to rebalance things because of the external demands on us all as a sales team. (Plus we’ve recently had a major restructure/merger in our department, moved to a new software system, I’ve started leading a new team within the dept and we’ve shifted to WFH in a pandemic!!) I already work four days a week but often end up working five days so I definitely need to think about setting better boundaries myself when I go back to work next year, and helping the team do the same. I know I will find that incredibly difficult though! We fall into the same patterns of high energy / intense working / stress so quickly.

(But I also know I really need to address this - before I finished for mat leave it had got to the point where I was wondering if I should stop work altogether even though I think I’d go a bit mad as a SAHM long term - so I can’t just stay on the treadmill and pretend to myself that it will all be fine. Like @BogDiscuits there’s too much firefighting / juggling to the point where it doesn’t feel rewarding any more.)

@Hangingover tell them the truth. And also flatter them about how interesting their work is and how it reignites a long forgotten passion for x. Point out how you could hot ground running and explain how you are/could catch up on last eight years of development in the space.

Nowt wrong with a returner.

Do you think it is ever too late for people to compl

Aagh! Accidentally pressed post. Do you think it is ever too late to completely change direction? I want to do something very different but it will involve retraining and I am mid 50s. Would a career coach be able to help me?

Hi
Can you help me too @Angliski or anyone else 😬 Such good advice on this thread.
I'm late 40s and am a mental health worker who now works in a sort of corporate education role in public sector.

It's mind numbing but is extremely flexible around the kids and very well paid for part time.

But am being excluded from the work in a sort of low level bullying way by my team mates. I just hate the NHS as a workplace now and the whole corporate thing and want out.

I've always wanted to be a therapist but don't know if it's pie in the sky- started a therapy training course recently and some of the dynamics of people on it disillusioned me and so I left it.

But I want to do a job that helps people in this kind of way. Would a sort of life coach or wellness coach course and self employment / 3rd sector type role in this area be feasible do you think? I don't see any jobs like this around.

Would def like to be self employed now.

Some very good advice on this thread.

I think a lot of us who are mid to late forties (and upwards) are just tired of it all. Tired of trying to fit in and keep up with the pace. I'm happy to work full time but the pace is just relentless in most workplaces these days. I don't remember it being like that when I was younger. I have no intention of going back to a corporate now. The NHS is much better in terms of work life balance but the hierarchical nature and red tape does not suit me either. Currently looking at developing an idea I have which would allow me to go self employed.

@Angliski, I feel like I have had my fingers burnt so many times at work now I am quite pessimistic about finding something suitable or working on a self employed basis that will actually make me money. What's the best way of getting over this or adopting a positive mindset? I feel a bit ground down by it all!

Angliski Thank you so much for your kind and insightful reply. I am so touched by it and now I am worried about your rate of work! Thank you. Thank you for this thread which I am looking forward to reading in full as it is so helpful to see the common challenges that lots of us seem to have.

I really relate to BirdsDoIt about the current job situation. I didn’t mention that I was also having to work unpaid hours in my part time role to get things done, all that resonated.

My more lucrative idea is just doing the same kind of actual work but in a different subject area which is more male-dominated and better paid. 🙄. Can’t see any other difference between the work apart from that.

I moved to where I am now, from that type of male-dominated environment because I needed a break from the macho, so took a pay cut for a bit of respite to do this job. Then had DC.

My working life can’t be the same for me now though because of childcare constraints, so that’s deterring me from the making the jump over to breakfast meetings, nights out, travel and conferences etc.

So I am mulling starting out a freelance consultancy/project based approach to a move into this better paid sector, which will be more lucrative (in the short term). Though I’d need to sort out my own pension etc so I would have to look into whether it is actually more lucrative long term.

The difficult part of this move for me is the expectation on working hours, travel, etc. It’s probably less likely to involve working with a team which would be a bit of a relief for a bit.

I know one woman who currently makes a success of working this freelance way in this more male dominated sector. She doesn’t have kids. I know one other who had a baby after me and she’s now left as far as I can tell. I don’t blame her at all, it was tough going. I feel I need to muster some confidence to give it a try though.

So I was thinking about contacting the successful woman and seeing if she wanted someone to delegate to, and try to build something from there. I’m excited thinking about it but I worry that there might not be that much in my offer for her, due to the limitations I’d be working with as a support for her. That’s my current thinking anyway. Thanks for making me write it down!

@AmItooold65 it is always worth moving toward a direction that you have a strong interest in. Before investing in retraining, take some time to shadow someone who does what you want to do - and invest some energy in understand the ins and outs of what they do. It's a big investment so do your research, as you would if you were moving home or any other big life change. I have seen several clients in their 50's make meaningful and rewarding moves. Also consider doing this incrementally, with a part time job to pay the bills as you build up experience and expertise in something else. And yes, good quality support in the form of coaching could be really great for you - always interview a few coaches, they will offer a free intro session - and go with your gut :)

@deaddreams this applies to you both .... self employment is a very different beastie - it can be a huge shock to understand you need to sell and market for 80% of your time in order to do what you love 20% of the time, it isn't for everyone, and you need to build up a practice slowly. I dont make my income solely from career coaching - although i could do that now, I also employ a team and delivery consulting on careers to some really big firms. Coaches and counsellors can make a good living self employed, but it takes time... so build slowly and don't jump, get a nice qualification and expect clients to queue up.

Wellbeing space.... 3rd sector.... mmmm not a good time for either of these industries in my view - i don't say this often but i do think the pandemic context has hit the market in both these fields, but resilience in a growing area. Check out the Resilience institute- consider working for a firm like this first before going self employed unless you don't need the money to come in immediately.

@BogDiscuits the above is different advice for you because you are not retraining - you are just changing the vehicle/flow of your work. I personally much prefer running my own shop to working for others - i can dictate pace and clients and salary - and as long as you have a strong niche, very good contact list and don't mind hustling, it can be an excellent format for folks who need flexibility either for their mental health or for the juggling act that is life. I always recommend getting in-house experience if you can for a big shift, or to build up gradually but for you, you just need to build out the plan. Getting in touch with your peer sounds like an excellent start for that plan and a good runway for taking off!

Can I ask a question OP? If not that fine, I see you started this thread ages ago, maybe you are regretting it!

Anyway, here goes. Is it possible for someone to be too dumb/incompetent to change jobs? I did well at school and uni, and am not diagnosed with any disabilities. But I've been terrible at the few jobs I've had. I'm awkward, clumsy, forget things and always just can't seem to learn one important aspect. Eg, working in a cafe got fired as my coffee was terrible, worked in a shop and was slow at the register, worked in fast food shop and fired as I miscounted the money a few times (it was later found btw, I wasn't stealing, lol).

Now I work as a radiographer and I've been in the same job since I graduated 15 years ago. Literally the exact same job, no promotion, no nothing. I'm not good at it either and I hate it, plus it's so boring after 15 years. I'm desperate for a change but I think, what sort of job can I possibly do? I don't want to do a different radiography job as I'm not good at it and wouldn't get through the interview - my lack of knowledge would be obvious. I have no office experience (day to day as a radiographer I don't even use Microsoft office or type), I already know I'm horrible at working in shops and restaurants. I have no resume as I wouldn't have anything to put on it, except one line "radiographer at x hospital, 2005-2020". I could put my resume on a post it.

Have you ever had a client that just couldn't be helped?

OP, as a hyperthemic/scanner who's crashed and burnt this thread has been really helpful (and im waiting on the book arriving). I'm going for a real push on sacrificing pay and focussing on self employment so i can manage my own workload and see more of my daughter while young.

Angliski Thank you so much again. I really appreciate your input on this!

I'll be back....

This is such an amazing thread, thank you @Angliski for starting it and sharing your expertise.

I've ordered your book, but can I ask a question too if you're still taking them?

I've been a SAHM for the last 6 years. I was a solicitor before that, specialising in employment law. There were lots of aspects of my job that I liked - I enjoyed talking to clients and building relationships with them. I liked drafting and finding solutions to problems. I enjoyed the office environment and having colleagues to bounce ideas around with. I wasn't a natural advocate and found that side of things very stressful but did feel a sense of accomplishment when I had to do it. I liked that every day was different depending on what cases I was working on/clients I was advising. I didn't like the stress that came with the role and in the end, it wasn't compatible with my home life - at the time I left I was working 3 days a week with 2 small children. My DH set his own company up and was working all hours to make that work so I was picking up everything at home. I felt (like a lot of women I think) that I was failing at work because I couldn't commit the time or headspace and failing at home because I wasn't there enough and when I was I was distracted by the emails coming in and what I needed to do work wise. So I took a step back with a view to returning a couple of years down the line.

6 years and 2 more children later and I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I have no real desire to go back to the law and whenever I think about alternatives, I struggle to think outside of the traditional type professions. I keep circling back to teaching as an idea, but then every teacher I meet tells me that's a terrible idea!

I'm in a very fortunate position that there's no financial driver here, I don't need to work, but I want to. I need to reclaim that part of me that wasn't just a wife and mother. But because there's no financial need I have every option open to me and it's too much! I have too much choice and it's leading to a complete inertia. I can't identify the best route to move forward and after 6 years at home, I've completely lost my confidence.

So, if you managed to get through all of that, I guess the crux of my question is where to start? How do I unpick all of that and get to a place where I can think about what my next steps should be?

Hi everyone, bear with me- I am looking forward to giving some Feedback- but I am teaching a career class all day today and tomorrow, so will get back to the thread as soon as I can! Keep posting! I will reply!

Thanks! I'm also looking at new career. I was in account management and marketing but have had enough. Also worked in charity sector but declining jobs now. Have been wondering about interior design. Have strong art and design skills, thoroughly enjoyed planning recent home extension. Client, project management, budget management skills very transferable. But am I realistic in starting out in this sector at the age of 49? I live in home counties where home improvement and renovations are still prolific. But is it only v high end projects/clients? (not my thing). Need to be earning £30k plus in 3 yrs time. Any advice gratefully received!

Right let's see here!

@colouringindoors lots of good questions here. How can you go about getting answers? If high end isn't your bag, what is? How would you charge for it? Do some thinking on it. Then try to get one client at £3k or whatever. Try it out. See if you like it. If you do, repeat.

What networks could you tap to offer your services to the audience you most want to serve?

@rollonoctober thanks for ordering the book! check out the blog as well. PM me and I will send it to you - they won't let me post helpful free links here. @mumsnet. Hmph.

Anyway, your problem is too much choice and not enough criteria. AS you don't have to work, you can really dig into discovering what you would LIKE to do and build from there. So the key question for you is,
"What experiences am I looking for?"
What do you want to experience or have as a result of your work?Be specific. Yes, there are the conceptual things, like satisfaction and something of my own, but what do you want to learn, do, feel, go to, achieve? Which of your skills are you most keen to make use of? Have a look up thread where I explain the Career Equation and the process to evaluate the criteria under each component. Can't retype it here as have small baby and business, but you will find it in the melee!

When you have more of the list of criteria, post it here and we can talk more!

@Gooseybby I salute you - I am the same. It was very helpful to know and understand my type and design my working life accordingly. I love the balance now, although it is still a juggle and sometimes a struggle to run a business and have kiddy, and it would be really hard if Mr Angliski wasn't 50% in. But to know i have freedom and privacy to do my work my way, is invaluable for our kind of character.

@ButteredGhost I am quite selective about my clients as I charge a lot and I really wouldn't want to take money from someone who I wasn't absolutely sure I could help. Having said that, the idea that someone is 'dumb and just can't do stuff' doesn't sit well with me! Where did that first come up for you in life? Outside of work, what things are you really good at that you really enjoy? What would you do if you didn't need to worry about money? It might be that you haven't yet had the opportunity ot connect what you are good at and like with the way you earn money.

I was a rubbish waitress too. i once dropped some clams in someones lap at silver service and I got fired once for commenting to another woman my age that surely she could not possibly eat that enormous T-bone steak. :)

Is it too late for a nearly 40 year old who dropped out of uni, and has done admin and low paid jobs since to start a career? I’m doing a PRINCE2 course at the moment but I’m not sure how to make the next jump from Admin to something more ‘proper and respected’ I’d love to be a project manager as it utilises all my skills but without experience how do you break in to that when you aren’t young and pretty and have other drains on your time like kids etc?

Thanks for replying OP. The idea that I can't do anything first came up at my first job, and at every job since then. Outside work I'm not good at anything either, but surely thats most people? Most people don't have a particular special skill or talent do they? I know what I'm not good or even average at - anything practical, anything with people, retail, hospitality, health and office jobs. What's left?

I saw a careers counsellor irl but I didn't find it helpful. She thought I could do an office job or sell medical equipment and seemed to think that having no experience at all and absolutely no knowledge of (or ability to learn) how the machines work wouldn't be a problem. How do you as a career coach know what people can do?

If I didn't have to work I'd volunteer with animals or nature conservation.

The book is even more helpful, thank you sooo much!!

I think i need to stay focussed and not get magpie eyes on roles - just because i CAN doesnt mean it's still going to suit in a few months' time, and i should just stick to what im really passionate about

Oh, its also prompted me to 'rebrand' what i AM passionate about to show others how its actually really relevant.