Colleague accused me of misusing sick leave

[LondonLupie]

I'm in my 7th week of a high risk pregnancy (lupus and kidney disease), and have had awful morning sickness, insomnia and anxiety for the last 2-3 weeks. I have passed out twice (once on the tube) and have barely kept a meal down. My GP has signed me off for 2 weeks and told me to rest, which I am doing. However, I received a very accusatory text from a more senior colleague today which reads:
"We don't know if you are on sick leave or 'holiday for time out' this week. If holiday, please ignore the below. If sick leave, then we're v uncomfortable that social media shows you out with friends for 2 reasons:
These are seen by colleagues (potentially professional damage for you and very awkward when they ask us). Also if you're well enough to go out, then why aren't you working?
We won't share this further and hope you receive this as friendly concern / a friendly alert."

Firstly, I don't have a Facebook account and secondly, I don't have any posts on my Instagram. The only pics I have shared via WhatsApp status and Instagram stories are pics of my newborn god daughter and her older brother - which have been sent to me by their mum! I have no idea how this indicates that I've been "out socialising" - when the furthest I've been all week is up the road to see my GP, and to the pharmacy to get my prescriptions. I was very upset to receive this and called her immediately to discuss. She refused to inform me who made these accusations and said she doesn't have social media so isn't aware of what I've shared. I then replied to her text later on and explained my concerns with these accusations, and advised her about my lack of social media presence. She replies with:

"I'm very sorry if my very careful message to you was not level in some way. Please don't send me any more angry messages.
I hope that you will come to see this not as accusation, but concern for you by people who care about you."

WTF??? Is she actually for real?!! So I replied with:

"I'm not angry, that's not the intention of my message. I'm very concerned and upset that you would send me such a text in the first place and not identify who "we" is. It didn't convey concern to me (or my close friends/partner who I have shared it with). I think it's best we put this matter to bed and limit our interactions to work related matters from now on. I don't need any additional negativity or stress in my life - especially now I'm pregnant.
Kindly refrain from sending any further unfounded, accusatory messages veiled as concern."

I don't even know how to move forward from this! We've always gotten along really well for the last 6 years, never any issues before this. Do I involve HR? Talk to her 1-2-1 when I return to work? Escalate it to our line manager? Now I'm dreading going back to work and having to sit next to her with all this unresolved (and unnecessary) drama hanging over us. Anyone else found themselves in a similar situation? Any advice please? 😕

Good luck for the meeting today!

Good luck. You've done nothing wrong x

Good luck! Don’t be nervous - you have done absolutely nothing wrong. You have all the power here and can choose how this is to play out. Deep breaths, slowly in and out to calm the nerves!!

Good luck 💐

@LondonLupie you should ask @MNHQ to remove the name of the HR company from your last post as it makes you identifiable and you don't want to get into any trouble with your work.

I hope the meeting goes well - you are doing the right thing.

@strictlymomdancing, it's not an HR company. Our HR staff use a number of different descriptions that differ to their actual roles within the company. Thanks.

ah okay then. Hope it goes well.

You've done the right thing OP. I personally wouldn't be pushing for decisive action because I think in the long run it could make your return to work more uncomfortable. Depressing but realistic. I would just want to get it on record that the accusations were baseless and inappropriate, and to know that the colleague would be spoken to and reminded of the rules around sick leave (not contacting colleagues, socialising being perfectly permitted etc etc). I'd also want to find out where the alleged "pictures" came from as the real issue here isn't so much the colleague that contacted you but the one that made up having seen the photos!

Meant to add - good luck for today and for the rest of your pregnancy.

Good for you, OP. And best wishes for today.

Good luck today, hope it gets sorted

Take this to HR - so screen shot and take up with them.. That's way out of line.

. Sorry OP, no one should have to deal with this on top of being ill.

How's it gone @LondonLupie

Oh positive update! I hope the next one is positive too.

Hope it went well

How did the phone call go OP?

Hope you’re ok OP & that it has all gone ok. I can’t, for the life of me, imagine how it hasn’t as you have right totally on your side.

@LondonLupie

How did you get on? I hope they took action for you?

Hi all,
Sorry for the late reply! Started back at work last week on reduced hours and been feeling exhausted, so been using my spare time to rest. My manager and HR rep are treating this seriously and are doing their interviews as part of the formal grievance procedure.

It's been awkward being at work with the person who I've raised a grievance about... she clearly hasn't acknowledged that she's upset me and doesn't seem to notice/care that I've been very distant with her (preferring to work with my headphones on to avoid having to talk to her). She's attempted to initiate convos with me on 2-3 occasions since my return, but I'm politely disengaging myself from them. I can't pretend that everything is hunkydory when I'm still upset about her behaviour. I refuse to sweep it under the carpet either.

HR will be talking to her next week, and then they'll follow up with me. I believe we're working towards having a face to face chat with mediation as a means of resolution, but don't expect this to happen anytime soon. Overall, feeling fairly supported throughout this, just wish I didn't have to go through it at all. 😔

Will keep you all posted and thanks again for all the concern and advice I've received. Honestly don't know what I'd have done without this brilliant Mumsnet community. xxx

That's good news OP although I'm personally not a fan of mediation as it implies both parties were equally affected or equally contributed to the situation plus its a voluntary process so you have the right to refuse mediation without any detriment.

How completely batshit of her to put something so accusatory in writing when she doesn't even have evidence. Even if she did, it would be completely out of order.

She sounds bloody dangerous.
Anyway, glad you're feeling a bit better, take it easy, this can't be easy on top of everything else.

I'm personally not a fan of mediation as it implies both parties were equally affected or equally contributed to the situation
Yeah, me either. Personally I'd decline it and ask for HR to find another way through that makes clear that you are in no way to blame and she is not affected.

She herself sounds thick/utterly clueless if she doesn't see that she's upset you.

Hmmmm I don't see why you should do mediation. You deserve an apology there is nothing to mediate.

Hope you are feeling well other than that Remember you have nothing to feel awkward about