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Original poster

Colleague accused me of misusing sick leave

156 replies

LondonLupie · 17/01/2020 02:05

I'm in my 7th week of a high risk pregnancy (lupus and kidney disease), and have had awful morning sickness, insomnia and anxiety for the last 2-3 weeks. I have passed out twice (once on the tube) and have barely kept a meal down. My GP has signed me off for 2 weeks and told me to rest, which I am doing. However, I received a very accusatory text from a more senior colleague today which reads:
"We don't know if you are on sick leave or 'holiday for time out' this week. If holiday, please ignore the below. If sick leave, then we're v uncomfortable that social media shows you out with friends for 2 reasons:
These are seen by colleagues (potentially professional damage for you and very awkward when they ask us). Also if you're well enough to go out, then why aren't you working?
We won't share this further and hope you receive this as friendly concern / a friendly alert."

Firstly, I don't have a Facebook account and secondly, I don't have any posts on my Instagram. The only pics I have shared via WhatsApp status and Instagram stories are pics of my newborn god daughter and her older brother - which have been sent to me by their mum! I have no idea how this indicates that I've been "out socialising" - when the furthest I've been all week is up the road to see my GP, and to the pharmacy to get my prescriptions. I was very upset to receive this and called her immediately to discuss. She refused to inform me who made these accusations and said she doesn't have social media so isn't aware of what I've shared. I then replied to her text later on and explained my concerns with these accusations, and advised her about my lack of social media presence. She replies with:

"I'm very sorry if my very careful message to you was not level in some way. Please don't send me any more angry messages.
I hope that you will come to see this not as accusation, but concern for you by people who care about you."

WTF??? Is she actually for real?!! So I replied with:

"I'm not angry, that's not the intention of my message. I'm very concerned and upset that you would send me such a text in the first place and not identify who "we" is. It didn't convey concern to me (or my close friends/partner who I have shared it with). I think it's best we put this matter to bed and limit our interactions to work related matters from now on. I don't need any additional negativity or stress in my life - especially now I'm pregnant.
Kindly refrain from sending any further unfounded, accusatory messages veiled as concern."

I don't even know how to move forward from this! We've always gotten along really well for the last 6 years, never any issues before this. Do I involve HR? Talk to her 1-2-1 when I return to work? Escalate it to our line manager? Now I'm dreading going back to work and having to sit next to her with all this unresolved (and unnecessary) drama hanging over us. Anyone else found themselves in a similar situation? Any advice please? 😕

OP posts:
Babybel90 · 17/01/2020 07:46

I wouldn’t have replied to her in the first place, you don’t have to justify yourself especially when the doctor has signed you off.

Pass it to your line manager and let them deal with it and rest easy knowing you’re in the right.

AfterSchoolWorry · 17/01/2020 07:48

Wow! I concur with contact HR.

Apolloanddaphne · 17/01/2020 07:52

I agree that you need to pass this on so that when you do return to work it has been dealt with.

EnidBlyton · 17/01/2020 07:53

however she does say it is friendly concern/alert.
dont shoot the messenger.

TheReef · 17/01/2020 07:55

If emailing my hr department, with copies of the text messages AND booking a conference call with them.

Tbh you NEED to do this in case your colleague does it first and to cover your arse

origamiwarrior · 17/01/2020 07:57

You definitely do need to pass this all on as a grievance and leave it to your company to resolve in your absence. Check handbook/call HR to see how to initiate this process.

PurpleDaisies · 17/01/2020 07:57

however she does say it is friendly concern/alert.
don't shoot the messenger

Come on. There’s no way this is friendly concern.

Mistigri · 17/01/2020 07:57

It's not friendly at all. But if it was a genuine attempt to warn about what other people are saying, then she can defend herself to HR. That's not the OP's problem.

Agree with all that has been said about discussing this immediately with both HR and your line manager, and raising a grievance. Keep copies of everything, including all correspondance with your HR/line manager (make sure this is all in writing) and do not respond to any more messages from this person.

KatharinaRosalie · 17/01/2020 08:05

She doesn't have social media, but states that social media shows you out socialising. She didn't say that some people claimed they have seen photos, or people are gossiping - no, she said colleagues have seen social media posts.

Take it to HR and your manager, before that colleague tells them the same lies.

Bluntness100 · 17/01/2020 08:08

Op have you been out and someone else could have shared/tagged you in the images? From what you say she didn't say it was your social media specifically?

Also could she be alerting you to some concerns your employer actually has ?

mumwon · 17/01/2020 08:09

its like those anonymous letters signed from "a Concerned friend" translation - she's a bully. Some people either because they had an easy pregnancy, or they have forgotten what its like to be pregnant, or haven't been pregnant, get hypercritical of woman being ill during pregnancy, Shades of woman cutting off access to others with the glass ceiling attitude. You definitely need to send this to HR & report her to trade union (& join one if you aren't a member!)

7yo7yo · 17/01/2020 08:13

You shouldn’t have engaged, should have gone straight to HR.

Redwinestillfine · 17/01/2020 08:20

Another here advocating straight to HR. You shouldn't have engaged with her at all. Tell them how it had impacted you and ask them to ensure it doesn't happen again.

Pumpkintopf · 17/01/2020 08:20

She is massively overstepping. If you have an HR department I would raise it with them.

cologne4711 · 17/01/2020 08:22

You shouldn’t have engaged, should have gone straight to HR

Maybe, but I think the OP was right to make the point that the messages didn't sound like they'd come from a place of concern.

And OP join a union. Today. It's not expensive and it's reassuring to know you can get free advice when you need it.

peachypetite · 17/01/2020 08:28

I think your first mistake was justifying yourself to this colleague, who has no manager responsibility for you. You absolutely didn’t have to explain yourself to them. Send to your manager and hr

Dollywilde · 17/01/2020 08:31

To be honest, the phrasing - ‘we’ not ‘I’ or ‘they’ - feels dangerous to me too, like there’s some ganging up happening. I’d be straight to HR too OP.

KatharinaRosalie · 17/01/2020 08:31

'Also if you're well enough to go out, then why aren't you working?' - would a 'concerned friend' write this?

olivertwistwantsmore · 17/01/2020 08:32

So she has no social media, you haven't been out socially, but 'social media shows you out with friends' but she won't say who saw you?? She's bonkers and also stupid if she's happy to take someone else's word for this without even seeing proof for herself.

Ring HR and forward all messages on to them.

And best of luck with your pregnancy Flowers

overnightangel · 17/01/2020 08:35
  • Block her number so no further contact
  • Screenshot all messages
-Email screenshots to HR/line manager/relevant person saying you are signed off by GP and don’t need harassment (because if I IS harassment) from gossiping colleagues
overnightangel · 17/01/2020 08:36
  • it IS harassment
Bluntness100 · 17/01/2020 08:41

People are being a little hysterical. The responses may be correct, but the op has not clarified if she has been out socialising, or if someone else could have shared images of her. As said, the colleague didn't say if it was her social media, she said social media in general. Not giving the name of accusers is very common, it's to prevent retribution.

If the op hasn't been out, and no one else shared images, then the responses are correct, if she has, then this could well be a concerned colleague.

seltaeb · 17/01/2020 08:47

Lock down your social media accounts so that nothing is public. Go through your friends lists and delete any that are not actual current friends. Then relax and focus on looking after yourself and your baby. TBH I think people often misunderstand sick leave during pregnancy as they assume everyone has a normal uneventful pregnancy. But it really is not worth this level of drama, you are upsetting yourself unnecessarily.

KatherineJaneway · 17/01/2020 08:47

Go straight to HR and complain.

and hope you receive this as friendly concern / a friendly alert.

Utter rubbish. That message is an accusation you are taking the piss, plain and simple.

olivertwistwantsmore · 17/01/2020 08:48

@Bluntness100 and @seltaeb: the OP said I don't have a Facebook account and secondly, I don't have any posts on my Instagram ... the furthest I've been all week is up the road to see my GP, and to the pharmacy to get my prescriptions.

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