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Original poster

Colleague accused me of misusing sick leave

156 replies

LondonLupie · 17/01/2020 02:05

I'm in my 7th week of a high risk pregnancy (lupus and kidney disease), and have had awful morning sickness, insomnia and anxiety for the last 2-3 weeks. I have passed out twice (once on the tube) and have barely kept a meal down. My GP has signed me off for 2 weeks and told me to rest, which I am doing. However, I received a very accusatory text from a more senior colleague today which reads:
"We don't know if you are on sick leave or 'holiday for time out' this week. If holiday, please ignore the below. If sick leave, then we're v uncomfortable that social media shows you out with friends for 2 reasons:
These are seen by colleagues (potentially professional damage for you and very awkward when they ask us). Also if you're well enough to go out, then why aren't you working?
We won't share this further and hope you receive this as friendly concern / a friendly alert."

Firstly, I don't have a Facebook account and secondly, I don't have any posts on my Instagram. The only pics I have shared via WhatsApp status and Instagram stories are pics of my newborn god daughter and her older brother - which have been sent to me by their mum! I have no idea how this indicates that I've been "out socialising" - when the furthest I've been all week is up the road to see my GP, and to the pharmacy to get my prescriptions. I was very upset to receive this and called her immediately to discuss. She refused to inform me who made these accusations and said she doesn't have social media so isn't aware of what I've shared. I then replied to her text later on and explained my concerns with these accusations, and advised her about my lack of social media presence. She replies with:

"I'm very sorry if my very careful message to you was not level in some way. Please don't send me any more angry messages.
I hope that you will come to see this not as accusation, but concern for you by people who care about you."

WTF??? Is she actually for real?!! So I replied with:

"I'm not angry, that's not the intention of my message. I'm very concerned and upset that you would send me such a text in the first place and not identify who "we" is. It didn't convey concern to me (or my close friends/partner who I have shared it with). I think it's best we put this matter to bed and limit our interactions to work related matters from now on. I don't need any additional negativity or stress in my life - especially now I'm pregnant.
Kindly refrain from sending any further unfounded, accusatory messages veiled as concern."

I don't even know how to move forward from this! We've always gotten along really well for the last 6 years, never any issues before this. Do I involve HR? Talk to her 1-2-1 when I return to work? Escalate it to our line manager? Now I'm dreading going back to work and having to sit next to her with all this unresolved (and unnecessary) drama hanging over us. Anyone else found themselves in a similar situation? Any advice please? 😕

OP posts:
LotteLupin · 17/01/2020 06:18

I would call HR at 9am.

If she really has no social media and someone else fed her this false info, you need to report and find out who and stop this malignant gossip.

If (as I suspect) she made up the sighting (as it is vague in detail, she can't tell you who said it or which platform it was on, and she may be unversed in social media), then this is a very unpleasant interaction and she needs to be come down on, straight away.

It sounds to me like she's infuriated you're off for being pregnant, and she's invented an incriminating social media post to accuse/scare you.

Either way, it's weird and you mustn't be alone in this conversation with her. Put your hand up.

I also am always blown away up to 13 weeks (and without your additional issues of lupus and kidneys) so understand and you really don't need this. Has she ever been pregnant? Sounds like jealousy to me.

Pluckedpencil · 17/01/2020 06:22

I doubt it's jealousy or a lack of social media savvy (a chimp could work Facebook).
It's indignation. Which is fed by believing the information usually.

SnowsInWater · 17/01/2020 06:22

You need to make a formal complaint to HR. Good luck with the pregnancy.

MrsMorse · 17/01/2020 06:29

100% all hr and let them deal with it. There is something very controlling and malicious in her messages. The accusation of you being aggressive is her laying the tracks for saying she has a problem with you.

GertrudeCB · 17/01/2020 06:29

Complain, complain, complain 100%.
I'd bed a pound to a penny that there is no " other person" who saw anything on social media.

ChikiTIKI · 17/01/2020 06:33

Complain!!!

Also hope you feel better soon.

Don't let the bastards grind you down!

CeibaTree · 17/01/2020 06:37

Send screenshots to HR. This is harassment and could cause you harm through your being stressed.

dottiedodah · 17/01/2020 06:37

This certainly seems very odd to me .Have you had any issues with her in the past? She seems to have a problem with you being "off", as though you were having a holiday, instead of being pregnant with additional health problems too! As other PP have said you need to speak to HR this seems like low level bullying in the workplace .

Fozzleyplum · 17/01/2020 06:37

Those messages do not show concern at all - more like indignant nosiness and harassment.You should screenshot all of the messages, including yours, and pass it on to HR to deal with, along with an email abiut the effect this has had on you.

keeponandonandon · 17/01/2020 06:38

This is terrible. You are on sick leave, it's none of her business and I would be fuming. I think you need to take it further and speak to manager as well as HR about it. You have nothing to worry about in terms of going back to work although, she does!

Being on sick leave doesn't mean you are not allowed out or allowed socialise! What is wrong with people? They just need to mind their own business, if she was 'a friend' then she should have told other worker to stop the nonsense and not have engaged with it at all!

R2519 · 17/01/2020 06:47

@LondonLupie. I showed your post to my sister who works for ACAS. Her response was that you need to show it to HR and log a formal grievance. Also to state that the added stress has made you feel worse and added to an already difficult time. Push it as high as it can go and if that doesn’t work report to ACAS.

I don’t think that person should lose their job they should at least get a formal written warning!

SaphfireRose · 17/01/2020 06:52

Please go straight to HR either by email or phone. CC HR (or directly) her messages and yours. She should not be allowed to get away with this, and you should not have to worry for the rest of your pregnancy and onwards.

DarklyDreamingDexter · 17/01/2020 06:57

Yes, definitely raise it with your line manager and HR. It’s bang out of order to complain about someone else’s sick leave. You’ve obviously been the subject of gossip by the colleague and possibly her cronies. You shouldn’t have to justify signed off sick leave, but I would definitely be showing the line manager/HR that your posts absolutely do not show you out socialising while off sick, just so they don’t get the wrong impression caused by this colleague’s malicious falsehoods.

HoppingPavlova · 17/01/2020 07:02

I don't even know how to move forward from this!

You move forward by taking it directly to HR and saying you want this addressed immediately you return from leave.

gamerwidow · 17/01/2020 07:08

i personally would take this to my line manager first and give them the opportunity to speak to my colleague and deal with it informally to let them know it’s unacceptable and if they do it again a grievance will be raised. It depends on how strongly you want to act though. If you wanted to go straight to HR and log a grievance you’d be within in your rights to but it is the nuclear option and once you start down that road it does potentially hold even more stress for you.

BillHadersNewWife · 17/01/2020 07:09

Oh I agree with the formal complaints! She sounds unhinged. She tried to cover up for herself with the "please don't send me any more angry messages" !! Making you the villain....obviously you're not. A fool can see that.

madcatladyforever · 17/01/2020 07:19

I've learnt my lesson with these types of incidents. Don't speak to her at all on your return. Immediately escalate to your manager on your return.
I've learnt from experience if you approach these people they will twist your words, report you and then your manager will not take your complaint seriously.

Blackforesthotchoc · 17/01/2020 07:26

I'd report immediately not on return. Send your manager screenshots of message via email and describe how you are feeling. Dont delay - if she is saying this to your face she could be attempting to be even more destructive at work.

oldmum22 · 17/01/2020 07:26

Absolutely shocking message ,more so because of the issues and stress you are under. Without a doubt this is a HR job. Do not engage with her any further. You have nothing to worry about and I am impressed with how you dealt with it. I suspect jealousy over the pregnancy or indignation that she is being given some of your workload whilst you are cert sick . Good luck with the baby and rest up.

BreatheAndFocus · 17/01/2020 07:29

Definitely don’t speak to her (or text again). This is bullying and is disgusting. You’ve done nothing wrong at all. She, however, has behaved outrageously.

Report her and concentrate on your pregnancy. You don’t need to worry.

CharmingB · 17/01/2020 07:29

This is mad OP. She has no right or place sending you that message even if you HAD been out with a friend, which you haven't!

Don't wait until the end of your sick note to address this. Forward it to HR and your line manager now and state that you're not to be disturbed while you're off sick. The doctor has told you you need to rest but that it was important that they know what you've received. That you'd appreciate acknowledgement of your email but wait until you're back at work to discuss it further and to allow you to rest as instructed.

Someone is being very nasty towards you. Whether that's the original message sender or someone that's manipulated her into believing their story remains to be seen.

PurpleDaisies · 17/01/2020 07:33

Agreeing with everyone else, this is totally out of order. Even if you had been out, you were off sick, not confined to the house. For most things, it’s actually better not to spend two weeks in bed not seeing anyone. How would going out for a meal in any way be equivalent to going to work?

If there was a grievance to be raised, I highly doubt company policy is to do it by text while you’re still in sick leave. Please escalate this with a senior manager or HR so it doesn’t happen again. You’re owed an apology.

Gazelda · 17/01/2020 07:33

Email your line manager and HR with all the facts and screenshots.
Then put it firmly of your mind. Concentrate on your health in the knowledge that she will be dealt with in your absence and your return to work should be smooth and not muddied by this matter.

frumpety · 17/01/2020 07:38

So she has accused you via text of something you haven't done based on something she hasn't actually seen, but that a third party alleges to have seen. I am sure HR will see it as a friendly concern, not !

dognamedspot · 17/01/2020 07:41

If you're in a union ring them. Don't leave this, you need to raise a grievance.