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Original poster

Do dads make good full time carers?

34 replies

Ettenna · 05/08/2007 11:10

I hope this doesn't sound judgemental, I just wanted to get some feedback. Back to work in 4 weeks, LO will be 24 weeks and DH is taking over from me. He's great with LO but I keep wondering what kind of FT carers men make. Don't get me wrong, I'm more interested in the different approaches the sexes have, I'm not saying men can't do it properly. If anyone has any experience of this I'd love to hear it.

OP posts:
anorak · 05/08/2007 11:13

They vary, just as we women do!

IMO the main difference though is that in general they seem to see looking after a child as a full time job and often they can't fit in any housework or cooking at the same time! My DH did it for about 4 months and he used to sit around watching football on the telly and reading the paper. He was very good with DS though.

Original poster
Ettenna · 05/08/2007 11:15

Yes i suspect that the house will be a lot more messy when I go back!

OP posts:
ruddynorah · 05/08/2007 11:20

what anorak says.. however, thinking of my dh, i look after dd in the day time then go to work for 5pm when dh gets home. he then does tea and bedtime, then does all the housework after dd's asleep. people vary, both women and men.

MellowMa · 05/08/2007 11:23

Message withdrawn

nooka · 05/08/2007 11:31

dh certainly enjoyed his stint, and the children look back on their "daddy days" with great nostaligia. dh and I do things very differently. He is much better at what I think of as "doing nothing" with the children. I on the other hand feel the need to do trips/visits/socialising etc. But that's because I have a very low boredom factor. We both think our way is the best! I think you do have to relax and be OK with the fact that your dh will undoubtedly do things differently from you.

mamazon · 05/08/2007 11:34

of course they do!
it may take a while for them to gel into teh role and you will need to accept that he does things different to you....like LO's wearing clothes that are not exactly setting a trend or being fed jam sarnies and frosties for lunch or whatever....but yes they do.

elasticsortinghandstand · 05/08/2007 11:41

and forgetting to brush hair.. and of course clothes in unusual combinations.
but i think they do.
as long as you dn't compalin about mess, well we wouldnt like it if they bheaved like that to us.

WanderingTrelawney · 05/08/2007 12:06

Yes they do make good ft carers, usually, as do women.

The variance in style of parenting can be as much to do personality as gender.

Peachy · 05/08/2007 12:39

Dh used to, when he couldn't work, wasn't the same as having me home but was better in some ways too

sfxmum · 05/08/2007 12:45

dh was fantastic for the 4 months he did it, dd was 13m when it started and the bond between them grew noticeably stronger.

would do it again if the circumstances dictated

JARM · 05/08/2007 12:56

Of course they do - why wouldnt a father be as good a carer as a mother?

This subject gets my goat, so i will PARP now!

Dior · 05/08/2007 13:45

Message withdrawn

hunkermunker · 05/08/2007 13:49

Depends on the man.

But I wouldn't be attracted to a man who was useless in this arena - the "I'm useless at..." bleating does nothing for me.

So IME, men are fab. DH is wonderful with our boys - better than me at lots of things.

Howdydoody · 05/08/2007 14:01

DH was fulltime dad - tho worked part time too- when i worked full time for about 2 years.
Was great as he even learned to cook a roast - and realised it's actually not that hard - and he started saying when i came in the door "You wouldnt believe how many times i have tidied up today and it still looks like this"!
Long term it has made him more aware of things needing to be put away and how hard i work at trying to have a neat and clean home with a large family and working too -and that the wash bin isnt actually a magic bin where you put dirty stuff in there and the next day it appears on your bed cleaned, ironed and ready to wear .
Also gave him a bond with dd3 i am sure he wouldnt have had as he was her main carer for a while

Howdydoody · 05/08/2007 14:11

JARM why parp?
Just dont click on the thread, it's easy enough. Ettena wants feedback on a subject that is affecting her and her OP explained that perfectly well

Katymac · 05/08/2007 14:16

Dh has always been & still is a House Husband for want of a better description

He is tonnes better than me at washing, cleaning, tidying, ironing et al

We are about equal on Cooking, Childcare & DIY (tho I do all he painting)

DD is 9 and seemed to have survived the incompetance of each of us

jetjets · 06/08/2007 16:55

Message withdrawn

jetjets · 06/08/2007 16:55

Message withdrawn

jo25 · 06/08/2007 17:18

My DH was sahf for the first 18 months(i went back to work when ds was 13 weeks old. He was fantastic and the house was spotless and there was always a meal on the table when i got home. I normally did bath time and we shared bedtime. He was very good at taking him out although woudn't do things like parent and toddler group, (having said that nor did i) he did the shopping as well (i know i am very lucky) Ds was very content and well looked after.

Having said that now ds is 4.8 i don't thimk DH would be quite so fantastic, i work part time and on the days i work dh looks after him if possible and they have fun together and ds loves having "daddy days" where they go to cinema,swimming, park etc but i don't think he would be so organised and on top of things if he was still SAHF. I think he knows that children in fact do get harder as they get older!!!.

Original poster
Ettenna · 07/08/2007 12:46

Yes, what IS parp?

OP posts:
DaftAndFussy · 07/08/2007 12:55

Sorry, but one could just as easily ask 'what knd of carers do women make?' - it varies hugely, of course, and the same goes for men. I don't mean to sound dismissive, but everyone is different and I feel very very very strongly (can you tell?) that all that matters here is what Ettenna's DH will be like, and none of us know that!!!!!

aDad · 07/08/2007 13:03

what daftandfussy said is what I was about to post really.

PARP-ing on a thread is a way of expressing that the thread is just going to wind you up so there is no point you posting what you really want to say. You hit the PARP button instead.

Gumbo · 07/08/2007 13:08

I agree with the others who said it depends what type of person your DH is, and what he's like with children.

My DH and I did this when DS was 18 weeks, and it worked out brilliantly. But then, he's fabulous with kids and absoltely dotes on ds. He's done a far better job than I could have done!

jetjets · 07/08/2007 13:10

Message withdrawn

aDad · 07/08/2007 13:13

Sure jetjets, some people would simply not post, but by parping you have registered your disapproval in one word without getting too embroiled in the thread.

I tend to just not post if i feel like that though.

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