Do dads make good full time carers?

[Ettenna]

I hope this doesn't sound judgemental, I just wanted to get some feedback. Back to work in 4 weeks, LO will be 24 weeks and DH is taking over from me. He's great with LO but I keep wondering what kind of FT carers men make. Don't get me wrong, I'm more interested in the different approaches the sexes have, I'm not saying men can't do it properly. If anyone has any experience of this I'd love to hear it.

Dh stays at home with my two. I often come home to chaos, other days I come home to perfection. It all depends. If the Dad is willing, then it can work out great. If the Dad is less than willing, then there may be some issues. I think it's important for the mother to be there in the early months, but once the baby has settled, then as long as there are plenty of cuddles, either parent can do just as good a job.
I don't know about later down the line though, as mine are just two and one.
They are learning a lot from him, things I'd never have imagined he knew about! Songs, stories, etc.
It is good to share the care if possible, eg I have one day off a week, where I take the babies, and DH goes off and does his own thing.
So to answer the OP, YES, IME.

DH has always looked afetr the children on at least one day a week. He is great with them.

In fact he was sayign with regret the other day that he would really miss his days with DS2 (no 3) when he starts school in Sept.

As others say, he does things differently from me - but so would another woman, I'm guessing. Housework maybe not a priority (but then it isn't for me when on a kids' day) but he feeds them well and does things like going out for an all-day bike ride. It's fab!

DH and I split the childcare (I work 4 days a week, DH looks after DS 2 days, he goes to a cm 2 days, we both do the weekends). He is very good. We do things differently: he won't touch baby groups with a long pointy stick but spends a lot of time in the park, going on the swings and reading the newspaper while DS naps/crawls about. I tend to meet up with other mums more and our LOs play together. I woprry more about DS eating freshly prepared food while DH is fine with fish fingers and the odd ice lolly (DS is nearly 10 months).

I think DS benefits hugely from the range of carers - me, DH and the cm - as he;s a sociable and cheerful baby, apart from when he's teething

I would add that that DH now feels he can criticise my parenting which I am a bit about, but that's a whole different thread! You do end up relinquishing control as the Main Carer but I think that is a good thing on the whole.

Sorry, me again rattling on. I really believe that all you'll be able to get in terms of responses here are a combination of people saying, 'Oooh yes, my DH/P is brilliant at it' or 'it works but I'd do it differently' perhaps with the occasional 'my DP wouldn't be any good' thrown in. IT can't really tell Ettenna what she needs to know, as only she and her DH can work that out between them, just like any other couple working out childcare arrangements. I fail to see why the fact that the fulltime carer will be male is significant/relevant, tbh?

dh is a sahd, but the kids are all either at school or nursery, so his responsibilities factor down to a school run at 3.30pm (i drop them off on my way to work) and cooking the childrens tea to be on the table for 5.15pm.

He is not responsible for cleaning or cooking other than that, i do not expect him to be doing laundry, hoovering or ironing! He is VERY happy with this plan and i am quite proud that he does these few tasks as well as he does whilst being physically disabled.

I have met other sahd's who have been fab and done everything in the house, the washing, cooking, m&t groups etc, i think it all depends on the man and the expectations you have of him!

Give it a go- the worst that can happen is a bit of mess!

I appreciate all of you taking the time to post your thoughts and comments. I think that the proof is in the pudding and I'm sure that DH will be a blinding carer for DS. I don't think it's unreasonable to say that men and women have broadly different approaches whilst also being individual in their style of care. Thanks again for your responses.

DH has intimated that he would be more than happy to be a stay-at-home dad. I know he would be fantastic, but I didn't want the pressure of being the sole breadwinner when I go back in January, particularly now I've just been diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis.
However, if he wants to drop a couple of days at work or go back to agency nursing and DS goes to the creche when we're both working, then I'd be happy with that as long as he pulls his weight around the house too and doesn't just put DS in a sling whilst he's online gaming or fettling in the shed on his motorbike.

my DH is works part time, so he's not a full time SAHD, but he is a most of the time SAHD, working 2 days per week. He is brilliant, just brilliant, far better than I ever was when I was a SAHM, but he sometimes does find it hard, socially speaking, for himself, as he finds groups of mums can be quite hard to break into and find friends, as he thinks they view him as 'the enemy' so he struggles a bit with that, tho he does have some mum mates and so is happy enough. good luck!