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Original poster

Going back to work after 4 months.....madness?

40 replies

Chinadoll · 30/07/2007 16:09

I'm due to have my first baby tomorrow and am really excited to meet him/her. As I've come to the end of my previous job, I have a fantastic opportunity but need to start in December so baby will only be 4 months old. Has anyone else had to go back or chose to go back this early and do they regret it? I feel guilty about it already but have no idea how I'll be as it's my first time.
Thanks!

OP posts:

alexw · 30/07/2007 17:07

I went back full time when dd was 17 weeks old. It was hard leaving her at first, but she settled well which helped. I had to return in order to pay bills but was ok. Good luck tomorrow.

Dinosaur · 30/07/2007 17:10

I went back when DS1 was 16 weeks and hated it, and still feel guilty now.

mosschops30 · 30/07/2007 17:12

I went back to work when dd was 9 weeks old. But I was a lot younger then and had enough of being at home and needed some adult interaction.
With ds some 8 years later I stayed off for 10 months.
Only you can decide what to do, sorry

Mumpbump · 30/07/2007 17:15

Will they not delay the start for you? With Christmas and New Year, most places are fairly unproductive I would have thought. 4 months is very young. I'm sure the baby will be okay, but I think you might find it quite difficult. I have to say that I was glad to have been able to delay going back until ds was 6 months and could sit up. He didn't seem quite so helpless then...

mummymagic · 30/07/2007 17:32

I went back when dd was 3 mths (p-t, had kind of promised and had no idea!) at start of school in Sept but left at end of term (3 mths later). My mum looked after her (was looking at nurseries but realised I wanted to do it myself). Tbh I found it harder leaving her as she got older (she understands more) but as a result of mum looking after her occasionally, she is totally attached to my mum now and doesn't miss me when with Nanna but enjoys being with her instead iykwim... (she is now 15mths)

Anyway, the point is I don't know if even you will know how you will feel. You could start the job and then leave if you had to, if it wouldnt cause too much bad feeling (or professional probs).

cornsilk · 30/07/2007 17:38

I went back full-time when ds1 was 4months. Found it stressful as we moved house and I ended up changing jobs also. However it got easier. Don't feel guilty about it. Enjoy the time you have with your baby now.

FluffyMummy123 · 30/07/2007 17:39

Message withdrawn

beansprout · 30/07/2007 17:42

A lot of people do go back fairly early but if you are not ready, it can be very hard. Also, if your baby's sleep patterns aren't established (and they may not be) and you are very tired, it can make everything a lot harder. I couldn't have gone back at 4 months, but was ready to after a few more!!!

prettybird · 30/07/2007 17:42

I wnet back F/T when ds was 17 weeks old (maternity leave was only 4 months when I had ds 6 years ag).

I was very happy with the child care (child minder next door - more like a mini nursery, but with real continuioty of care, as it was her, her mum and her MIL) I had organised, so I never fely guilty.

I even amanged to keep fully breast feeding, leaving EBM for him and expressing at work, so that I ended up feeding him for a full year.

I remember the sister of the ward where I had him telling me that in some respects it is easier when they are 4 months rather than 6 months or a year, as when they are older, they are much more aware of you and interacting. I don't know whether it is true or not - but I chose to beleive it and it made me more comfortable!

Mumpbump · 30/07/2007 17:43

Beansprout makes a very good point. At 4 months, ds was still waking about 4-5 times a night and I would have been useless. I want to go back when no. 2 is 7 months to give myself a bit more time to get him/her to sleep through. Working full-time on a broken night's sleep is NOT fun...

cornsilk · 30/07/2007 17:45

Some mums have no choice though! I know I didn't.

stealthsquiggle · 30/07/2007 17:45

same as prettybird - Mat. leave was shorter, so I went back FT when DS was 4mths. No deep psychological scarring on either of us that I can see, but there is no telling how you will feel about it - just make sure the decision is based on how you feel, not how others tell you that you should feel.

kittylouise · 30/07/2007 17:47

Went back at around 4 months (ft), and did feel guilty at the time, but needed to pay the bills frankly. DD has turned out to be an angel, and I don't feel that either of missed out, but at the time it was emotionally difficult and physically tiring.

However, I probably would do the same again, as a previous poster has said I think it's easier to leave when they are quite young, 6 or 9 months old and it probably would be more problematic.

JoMa · 30/07/2007 17:51

I went back today, ds2 is 15 weeks. Like you, I was offered my dream job so I have started back earlier than I planned.
With ds1 I went back when he was 23 weeks.

I didn't feel any different today to how I felt with ds1. I would agree with prettybird, it's easier at 4mths because they are less aware of being left, and are used to it by the time they do become aware.

Also, ds2 is still waking at midnight and 4am, I'm fine on it, and babies don't always sleep through before 9mths so you could still end up going back after a sleepless night!

fridayschild · 30/07/2007 17:58

I think the real issues are baby sleeping through the night, and getting childcare you are happy with, myself.

I went back after 6 months with DS1 and 5 months with DS2. Personally I felt no real guilt about leaving them with a trained childcare professional, instead of an amateur mum.

Good luck tomorrow!

Tinker · 30/07/2007 18:03

I went back when my eldest was 16 weeks - no choice. Wish I'd had longer though. 2nd time, my baby was 8 months old, felt ok about going back then.

Tinker · 30/07/2007 18:05

Blimey, if I'd waited until sleep patterns sorted out she'd have been nearly 2 before I went back!

WallyHerbert · 30/07/2007 18:09

We could seriously have done with the cash but didn't go back to work full-time until my youngest was 10. Started working part-time to fit in with school hours from No 3 being about 7.

I couldn't have left a baby but that's just me.

FioFio · 30/07/2007 18:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

FluffyMummy123 · 30/07/2007 18:11

Message withdrawn

Judy1234 · 30/07/2007 18:21

Yes, 2 weeks, 3, 4 weeks. It's much easier in some ways and the baby then has known its nanny from birth too so no sudden wrench. Helps to become a whizz with the breastpump, though.

It's better for them if you work - see other working mother thread.

beansprout · 30/07/2007 18:24

Absolutely go with what Fio said. If you have to go back for financial reasons, that's the end of it. Don't torment yourself with other options. Whenever you go back there will be pros and cons.

belgo · 30/07/2007 18:26

Chinadoll - maternity leave in Belgium is 15 weeks (it can be longer but most women I know go back after 15 weeks), and some of them are fine and really enjoy it, others get stressed out by it. I don't here people saying they feel guilty, because they are just following the norm.

belgo · 30/07/2007 18:26

hear nothere

belgo · 30/07/2007 18:28

so no, it's not madness. Perfectly normal, and expected even, in some countries.

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