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Going back to work after 4 months.....madness?

40 replies

Chinadoll · 30/07/2007 16:09

I'm due to have my first baby tomorrow and am really excited to meet him/her. As I've come to the end of my previous job, I have a fantastic opportunity but need to start in December so baby will only be 4 months old. Has anyone else had to go back or chose to go back this early and do they regret it? I feel guilty about it already but have no idea how I'll be as it's my first time.
Thanks!

OP posts:
WallyHerbert · 30/07/2007 18:29

"It's better for them if you work"

?

belgo · 30/07/2007 18:35

oh here we go again

Judy1234 · 30/07/2007 18:35

Yes, did you not know that?
Children tend to do better if both parents work.

They learn to interact with another significant adult.

The family also tends to have more money and poverty is one of the worst indicators for child outcomes.

The parents have a more equal relationship which isn't sexist and both tend to pitch in with chores at home and are happier because of that, fewer rows and more equality over all and the marriages tend to last longer as there isn't a wife who has got fat and dull adn home and a husband out at exciting work things tempted by his secretary. The wife remaining interesting because she has a career so the children are happier too.

Etc etc..

So do it. It is in the best interests of the child.

(the other thread was www.mumsnet.com/Talk?topicid=2724&threadid=361268&stamp=070730182533)

WallyHerbert · 30/07/2007 18:47

They learn to interact with another significant adult.

Grandparents? Neigbours?

"The family also tends to have more money and poverty is one of the worst indicators for child outcomes. "

Poverty? hmm, yes well if you're just talking £sd but there's no buying back the time you missed.

"The parents have a more equal relationship which isn't sexist and both tend to pitch in with chores at home and are happier because of that,"

pmsl - when? where? evidence?

"fewer rows and more equality over all and the marriages tend to last longer as there isn't a wife who has got fat and dull adn home and a husband out at exciting work things tempted by his secretary."

Oh we're talking corporate family life are we. What about the factory worker who hasn't got an exciting job and certainly no secretary and who says his wife got fat? It's more likely to him on his 2 hours lunches or down the pub every night. I would suggest there may be more rows too cos you're both too knackered to do anything more after work and can't wait to get the kids in bed so you can couch potato all night.

"The wife remaining interesting because she has a career so the children are happier too."

Who says everyone wants a career? I'm sure the kids are cock-a-hoop to listen to mummy's bedtime tales of boardroom wrangles or conversely stuffing the giblets into chickens.

Not having a go at working parents just playing devil's advocate. Where is this cloud cuckoo land?

FioFio · 30/07/2007 20:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Chinadoll · 30/07/2007 22:27

Thanks for all the responses...they've all been really supportive and I guess the verdict is that everyone's different and it depends a lot on circumstances. There is no right or wrong answer. I've always felt strongly about having a career and a family life so I don't want to compromise on either. Hopefully I won't regret my decision.
Wish me luck! x

OP posts:
Judy1234 · 31/07/2007 07:56

Good luck. You won't regret. I just have to look at my oldest 3 at university and consider how our lives might have been if I hadn't worked etc and it's absolutely clear it was right to work.

Good luck with the baby which is the most important thing, not silly arguments between feminists and born again Stepford Wives. We actually hired our nanny before I gave birth as I was going back soon.

WideWebWitch · 31/07/2007 08:02

I went back when dd was 4 months (she's nearly 4 now) and I don't regret it. I was a sahm to ds (who's nearly 10 now) for 4 years and with hindsight wish I had gone back to work sooner. I regret the lost income etc.

BUT I don't think you can possibly know how you'll feel until after you've had your baby, it's different for everyone.

Judy1234 · 31/07/2007 08:05

And sometimes the man can't bear to be parted from the baby and the woman goes back full time. A decision each couple has to make themselves. Next year there will be 6 months maternity and 6 months paternity leave and a lot of couples will consider having the mother offer for 6 months and then the father gets his turn.

twentypence · 31/07/2007 08:12

As long as you realise that babies go weird at 4 months, so any bizarre changes in sleep, behaviour etc. are just because of the age of your baby and are not related to you going to work.

If you don't take this opportunity are there likely to be others?

I was offered a work opportunity when ds was 2 months old, and as it was work from home I did consider it. In the end the company got bought out and I actually started working again very casually when he was 12 months, and more seriously when he was 20 months.

prettybird · 31/07/2007 08:38

Ds slept through from about 2 weeks (to the extent that I had to wake him to feed him, as he wasn't gaining enough! ), so sleepless nights weren't an issue for me!

But not every baby is like that!

fridayschild · 31/07/2007 09:18

Chinadoll, I had another thought about this overnight. Will your fantastic opportunity mean you will be an employee in the UK? It's not clear from your post. If so you will have the right to parental leave which you can take before baby is 5. I think 6 months total. It's unpaid, so you'd need to budget for the time, but maternity pay's not great for some people anyway, so there may not be that much difference.

Maybe that would be your plan B - if you felt you were missing out on time with your child, you could plan to actually use all the parental leave, and spread the time off over baby's first five years.

I think your analysis is right - it's a personal decision and I wish you luck with it.

foxinsocks · 31/07/2007 09:23

I went back after 4 months and it was fine - hard work but fine.

However, and I really don't intend for this to be a scare mongering post, BUT my dd became very ill - loads of time in hospital, had a horrendous time trying to get time off work (and dh too) and in the end, through lots of sobs and tears because I didn't want to give up my job (I have no family nearby at all so all childcare help had to be paid for!), I had to hand in my notice and spend my time trying to get dd better.

ALL I am trying to say really is that you can't tell how you will feel or what will happen till after the baby is born. You know, best laid plans and all that.

Good luck for today! Hope you have your baby now!

HonoriaGlossop · 31/07/2007 10:20

chinadoll, I would say accept any opportunity at this stage. You can't know how you will feel until your baby is here. Make the decision then, but until then keep your options open.

From a personal point of view I was due back when ds was about four months, and I had a nursery place all booked in an excellent workplace nursery but when it came to it I could no more have left him there than I could have left him out in the middle of the road! Of course Nursery is safe and is not comparable to being left in the road, it just goes to show what a strong visceral reaction there can sometimes be.

Yes, I needed to work and pay bills so I got my arse in gear in double quick time and found an evening and weekend job. Spent about 3 years in those diddly jobs. Never regretted it.

My personal feeling was that I wanted my baby to have me there in the very early years. I do believe that Xenia is right and that children probably do better when both parents work, and it is a great example to set; however I think babies have different needs to older children! They don't draw the role model examples you are setting yet!

So i guess what I'm saying, long windedly as usual, is wait and judge when you are a mum. And good luck with whatever you decide. Whatever you decide, BIN GUILT!

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