Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Work

Chat with other users about all things related to working life on our Work forum.

Original poster

Working full time and the effect it will have in my child

32 replies

AnnieBee18 · 12/03/2019 21:56

Hello All,

I will be returning to full time employment in a couple of months time, my daughter will be 8 months old by then.

I can’t help worry about how returning to work full time will effect my daughter. Research shows children of mothers who return to work full time before the age of 5 increases the risk of mental health and education issues in later years.

What are people’s experience/thoughts on this?

I will be working from home 1 day a week and will be at home for dinner and bedtime. Also childcare will be mostly covered by her nana and my partner as he works shift work.

I’m interested in hearing about others experiences of returning to work.

Anne xx

OP posts:
singingismypassion · 12/03/2019 21:59

I returned when my children were older but the feeling of it being the 'right time' never goes away. Sometimes we have no choice. I think the children cope. Mums often finding it rewarding and a great balance. Good luck x

Pez82 · 12/03/2019 22:16

I went back to work full time when my DD was 7m (she's 15m now) as I'm a single parent and didn't have a choice really. She has been absolutely thriving since day 1 at nursery and is a very confident, independent and sociable little one. I also work one day a week at home and try to pick her up by 5pm all days of the week.
All I would say is that if you can afford it, it might be worth looking into having her in a nursery/childminder 1 or 2 days a week so she can spend time with other kids of her age. My neighbours' children spend all day with their grandmother while their parents are at work and I hear a lot of screaming. I think she's struggling to get them entertained all day long. I certainly wouldn't be able to do all the activities my DD does at nursery if I was a SAHM. Nursery definitely boosts her development.

thefirst48 · 12/03/2019 22:19

I went back to work full time after my first and I went back part time after my other two. I personally felt a lot happier being around more but my eldest is no different to his siblings and he loved being around his grandparents more. You do what you need to do to survive, your child will love you no matter what.

BoomTish · 12/03/2019 22:20

Research shows children of mothers who return to work full time before the age of 5 increases the risk of mental health and education issues in later years

Can you post your source for this, please?

AlwaysColdHands · 12/03/2019 22:31

“Research shows....” a whole range of things actually. Such as, how beneficial relationships with significant others, and experiences in early years settings are in terms of social and emotional development and school readiness. So I would echo the other poster here - make sure at some point, your child is spending time in an EY setting prior to school.

Notions of mothers returning to work = delinquent children with mental health difficulties are associated with extremely dated research e.g. Bowlby in the 40s/50s

As long as they have an attachment to, and good relationship with their carer, this is what matters.

I could go on for another 20,000 words but basically, don’t worry, it will be more than fine. No need to torment yourself about this.

Go back to work, enjoy having another purpose & identity, allow your DC to gain independence from you, & you will no doubt both flourish Smile

Tealfrog · 12/03/2019 22:37

My experience is that they need you more when they are older. School is tough- they are tired.

Finfintytint · 12/03/2019 22:43

I’m interested in seeing this “research”. I went back to work full time when my son was 6 months old. He’s 25 now and has so far managed to not murder anyone.

OP posts:
Original poster
AnnieBee18 · 12/03/2019 22:49

Having now re-read the “research” it does seem a bit outdated.

Thank you all for your responses. I really want to return to work and have a bit of my own life back again and be able to create a good life for my daughter. We have an amazing bond, I suppose I just feel guilty about leaving her and was looking for some validation that I’m doing the right thing. It’s a scary time.

OP posts:
nombrecambio · 12/03/2019 22:52

For the love of God, op. You're posting research from the daily mail!!

AlwaysColdHands · 12/03/2019 22:55

This is one study, nearing 20 years old from publication, let alone dates of data collection.
By all means do more research & look at a wide range of empirical, peer reviewed publications, but don’t base your decision on such a limited evidence base.

BoomTish · 12/03/2019 22:59

Ask for research and get a link to the Daily Fail GrinGrinGrin

Your choice of “news” outlets may possibly impact your children more than your working pattern, OP.

BackforGood · 12/03/2019 23:22

What Boomtish said.

Your dc will be fine. She will have a constant relationship with loving caregivers which will give her all the security she needs.

Original poster
AnnieBee18 · 13/03/2019 06:42

You don’t need to be rude. Yes, the Daily Mail is not exactly a reliable source I give you that.
But you know what I was having a bad day, feeling stressed and I wanted some friendly advice. Not to be made to feel small by some people sat behind their keyboards. Way to support and empower fellow females 👍🏻

To those of you that provided kind and “helpful” advice; thank you xx

OP posts:
MaverickSnoopy · 13/03/2019 06:49

I went back to work when DD1 was 8 months and she thrived. It was also great to know that she was doing so many varied things.

Comparatively I'm now on mat leave 3 and have dd2 at home with me too (who is nearly 3). Can't afford to send her to nursery until she gets the funding and at the moment with a small baby I am run ragged and don't give dd2 anywhere near the developmental opportunities the nursery gave DD1 (we read, practice colours and numbers, play a bit together, sometimes do painting and crafts and occasionally a toddler group but mainly I'm chasing my tail). It's swings and roundabouts. Life is full of ideals buy ime there's an awful lot of grass greener on the other side.

RJnomore1 · 13/03/2019 06:56

There are so so so many advantages to children being at childcare op as long as you are comfortable with whee they are and have confidence in the care providers, and have a good relationship with the child when they’re at home.

The single biggest indicator of outcomes btw, undisputed in all research I’ve come across, is maternal educational level. That’s an interesting one.

And I have a 14 and 19 yo so I’ve been through the whole concern about ding the right thing. It’s very scary trying to make choices that affect another persons entire life especially when it’s the person you love more than anything. But childcare can be a real positive for little people.

CherryPavlova · 13/03/2019 07:04

Personally, I felt fortunate to be able to work part - time or be at home. We weren’t rich but had enough to allow it. I think some families have a really tough deal now with little financial choice but to have two full time working parents. That’s undoubtedly makes life more complicated for everyone but it’s not all negative.
I have several friends who have always worked full time and whose children have grown into delightful, well adjusted and successful adults.

Equally, I know mine benefitted from having me as the prime carer. I think in some ways it’s easier for working mothers in good jobs who don’t have the daily grind but can delegate to a nanny. It’s hard on relationships when money is tight and the working parent doesn’t understand fully the complexity of staying at home.
It’s a choice. Only you can know the answer. I wouldn’t have wanted mine in the institutional care of a nursery five long days a week from babyhood but others think that’s for the best.

Morgan12 · 13/03/2019 07:09

I really don't think it causes mental health and education issues. My mum worked alot when I was young. Sometimes two jobs. During the day and also weekend nights. I'm totally fine. Don't have any issues and I'm very clever. I would have liked more time with her yes but I know it wasn't through choice and I'm proud of her.

However I am a SAHM and plan to be until my youngest is in nursery and then I'll only work part time. And I think my choice to do this has been influenced alot by my upbringing.

HappyHattie · 13/03/2019 07:12

The daily mail is about as credible for parenting as Trump is so feminism 😂🙈

Do what is right for you OP.

I intend to work PT until DC are at school but it’s such a personal choice. No answer is ‘right’ xx

CostanzaG · 13/03/2019 07:16

That research is incredibly out of date and I'd question it's validity and reliability.

The biggest factor which impacts on young people is poverty.
There is evidence that having two working parents can be beneficial - specifically around role models and challenging gender stereotypes. Also, the quality of childcare provider used is important. Good quality childcare can also be beneficial.

Personally, I've worked full time since DS was 10 months. He's now nearly 5. He's absolutely thrived in nursery and I've managed to progress my career in a way that means I now earn more and have greater flexibility just in time for him starting school.

Is your DH agonising over the same issues? I find it very frustrating that this 'burden of guilt' is almost exclusively women's.

SherlockSays · 13/03/2019 07:18

@CherryPavlova you do realise that the majority of working parents don't have a nanny to 'delegate to' don't you you?

I'm returning to work at the beginning of May when DD will be 9.5 months old, I'm going back 'part-time' (4 days a week) and she'll be in nursery for all 4 days. I'm worried for me, but not for her, she's going to absolutely love it, I can't do enough to keep her entertained all day.

JourneyofSelfImprovement · 13/03/2019 07:22

@AnnieBee18 I work full time OP, my DD is almost 11 months old now but for various reasons I went back to work when she was 6 months old.

I do find it hard, and I do feel guilty for not being around all the time. However I don't start until 10am every day so I get lots of time with her on a morning, and I finish at 5 so I'm always there early to pick her up, and do tea/bath/bed and I really value that time with her Smile which makes it easier.

Also, I grew up with my DM working (and DF too) and I don't believe it done me any harm, and this is what I remind myself. I think it helped me have a good work ethic. I went to my DGP's and my DD goes to my DP's and she has a lovely relationship with them. She doesn't get upset when I leave and she gets lots of play time and one on one fun, she's very lucky I think.

CostanzaG · 13/03/2019 07:23

cherry you do realise that having a nanny isn't the norm don't you?

Both me and DH have well paying jobs and both work full-time but we use a nursery like everyone else we know!

Ninkaninus · 13/03/2019 07:26

It’s much harder on the parent than it is on the child. Flowers

Your little one will be absolutely fine, like all the millions of other little ones whose parents work and who are growing up and have grown up to be fine and happy and well-adjusted.