Working full time and the effect it will have in my child

[AnnieBee18]

Hello All,

I will be returning to full time employment in a couple of months time, my daughter will be 8 months old by then.

I can’t help worry about how returning to work full time will effect my daughter. Research shows children of mothers who return to work full time before the age of 5 increases the risk of mental health and education issues in later years.

What are people’s experience/thoughts on this?

I will be working from home 1 day a week and will be at home for dinner and bedtime. Also childcare will be mostly covered by her nana and my partner as he works shift work.

I’m interested in hearing about others experiences of returning to work.

Anne xx

SherlockSays Yes, Of course I realise. My point is it’s a much easier choice (or indeed maybe only a choice) if you can afford it. Most couples nowadays have very lilittle choice if they want a reasonable standard of living.
You definitely would’ve be able to entertain a baby. Issues are more complex when a second or third child arrives and childcare costs become prohibitive.

Your child will be absolutely fine!

I was like you and with each child I did something different.. Now they are all older (think secondary school) you really would struggle which child had me at home full time until they were 2 and which child I went back to work when they were 6 months old full time...!

I still worry now about not being at x y or z or working too much at times, so that feeling doesn't totally go away.. But if communication is good the children do understand it and will even help now at times!!

But you know what I was having a bad day, feeling stressed and I wanted some friendly advice.

tbf, you have not helped all the thousand of parents who read this site, who either have gone back to work FT, or know they will have to go back to work full time, by perpetuating the myth that somehow dc suffer.
You might be feeling stressed (you didn't say in your OP), but you know, so might other parents who really don't want tosh quoted as fact, like you did.

If you want support, ask for support. MNers are brilliant at it.

If you don't want people to be critical, then don't quote one, very old bit of research, which it is fairly predictable could make other posters / parents feel bad.

Not to be made to feel small by some people sat behind their keyboards

I’m sure a lot of parents with children in childcare felt small when you told them that their children were more likely to have mental health issues, and educational challenges, based on some guff you read in the Daily Mail.

Way to build women up.

Way to support and empower fellow females

You seem to have mistaken the internet for a Beyoncé song.

I went back at six mos with both my kids (18 weeks full pay) so no drop in wages. Worked ft but shifts so mostly four-day weeks, one being weekend when daddy had them and the other three often were over nap times when little. Slept 7-7 early on. I remember working out they averaged 12-hours per week with non-parental childcare pre-school. After that we worked it all without help, one or other of us home worked, I did split shifts for a while so did school drop off, came home and worked five hours, then school pick up, came home with them, chatted/had dinner then worked in the evening after putting them to bed. My employer was also flexible with my days eg if kids were sick my usual days I could swap for when they were back at school/work a weekend day and couple of evenings when dh was home. At 11 and 15 they are the most well rounded kids I know. I remember people saying they couldn’t do the hours I did but i’m No slouch and preferred maintaining a nice lifestyle and my career while also feeling I didn’t neglect my kids. I think I’ve been a better parent for having an interest elsewhere rather than dedicating myself resentfully to the cause. I’ve always had more time and patience with my kids than any sahm i’ve Known who always seem martyr-like and downtrodden but maybe it’s just my demeanour. Kids certainly don’t seem any worse off, both are lovely positive well rounded individuals at 11 and 15. I don’t know why more people don’t do it like us. I never felt I was letting employer down as I always made up hours but then working for a 7-day 18-hour day company must have helped and be unusual. I think we are a minority. Now we’re all older I work 9-5. We still walk to school/station together in mornings and i’m Home an hour after them in the evenings. Piece of piss! Couldn’t do it again though or have had more than 2! Lol. We all get there in the end. My one fear is that my kids won’t understand a lazy wife!

As long as she has at least one consistent, loving caregiver, she should be fine. It sounds like she has 3! Lucky girl!

Your child will be fine! :) xx