... or not it would seem. DH says no but I NEED to do something before I go mad (long, sorry)

[Pennies]

In the days BC (before children) I used to work in HR. I loved it and had changed career to get my qualifications to do it (spent two years doing evening study - nightmare). But then I got pregnant and had DD1, stayed off for a year during which time I got pregnant again with DD2. I went back to work full time for 3 months inbetween kids so I could qualify for maternity pay . DD1 went to nursery five days a week during this time. When DD2 came along DD1 dropped from full time down to 3 days a week at nursery.

Then we moved and DD1 now only does 2 mornings a week at our local nursery and DD2 stays at home with me.

DD1 is 2.6yrs and DD2 is 16months.

In the past DH and I agreed in principle that we feel it is best for our children to have a parent at home until full time education starts. DH can't do it (breadwinner) so it is me.

OK. So here I am doing the whole SAHM thing, in a new place with hardly any mates. I'm more than at little bit bored and totally miss adult company. I feel my conversation focuses solely on my children and I feel like two dimensional being. So whilst I still maintain that ideally kids benefit from having a parent at home until school it seems that in practice that is not working for me.

Anyway, I thought that I would return to work to get some intellectual stimulation, some money of my own, some adult company and also I think that my clingy DD2 would benefit from some time in nursery.

There are some jobs going locally in local government that I could do, are at my level of seniority and pay quite well so that we could cover childcare and not make a loss. Local governemtn work is great because the options for flexible work are huge which would mean I could do part time work pretty easily. I am not considering full time work at all.

DH says no. He says that as a parent it is his duty to put the kids welfare first (as if I don't WTF???) and that with that in mind and his traditional views then he doesn't want me to do it. I will have to "find something else to do".

So, here I find myself, a little wifelet and mother at home, bored to dry tears, lonely, financially dependent, craving some brain food.

So does anyone have any ideas for what I could do???? I have no major hobbies - my work was my passion - although I go to the gym and love reading.

(BTW - this is just about how I feel - I don't want to open a debate about the whole SAHM / working mum thing.)

Hopefully in relationships where you love each other you work out things when one of you changes, not that I've any experience of happy marriage.

The marriage vows are worth going through carefully before you marry which is why most churches and religions force you to go to marriage classes before hands - very wise. If you are promising to have children and yet one of you hates them that should be discussed before you marry. If you think you wouldn't stick by them in sickness may be you need to discuss that before you marry to as of course discuss if you're going to vow to obey which we were offered in 1982 but was very rare then in the Catholic church in England but didn't have.

Ah, but the things people promise before the marrriage aren't always reflected in their behaviour after they are married.

And,I though it was Catholics who do the marriage course before the wedding?

C of E certainly do marriage preparation classes; probably other denominations and religions too.

Xenia - how can you be married for 19 years and have 5 children without any experience of happy marriage? Come on, there must have been some happy moments/years/half hours?

They wouldnt' have annulled it unless it had never been a proper marriage in a sense. No, I don't think it was ever happy. It wasn't like an ormal marriage where you're okay and then it "breaks down".

I think you should get a job. What's he going to do? Spontaneously combust?

Good suggestion Aloha. How would he react to a fait accompli?

So were you co-erced into the marriage Xenia?
I have a friend whose boyf threatened suicide if she didn't marry him. So she married him, and after 2 children found out he had been serially unfaithful before and after marriage and she said Had I But Known he just wanted me as part of his harem, I'd never have married him. But not being Catholic, she got a divorce not an annulment. You probably have both Xenia.

I hvae indeed got both although the C of E my ex husband's religion recognises neither our civil divorce nor the Catholic annulment

I always admire your honesty, Xenia

How do you know she's being honest Londonmama? Xenia could be making it all up! That's the beauty of MN. But should a married couple be frank and earnest?? Better if one's a woman. [ye olde joke No 3452.) Sorry if that offends the gay community.

Well, Elasticwoman, I've read enough of her posts now to know she's fairly consistent and doesn't mind others taking umbrage at her views. She doesn't bother about what people think of her. I do mind, which is why I admire her!

You need to tell your husband that if he wants a parent at home, and you want to work, he had better hand his notice in! How fucking dare he dictate to you what you may or may not do with your life!

Message withdrawn

I haven't read through all the replies to your post, sorry...

Juggling family, work, relationships, life in general when you have small children takes a lots of compromise, understanding, flexibiity- and it seems your DH is severely lacking in these. You need to thrash this out with him properly, because regardless of whether you decide to stay at home for the sake of your small children, I predict this issue will keep rearing its head. You are not JUST a mother, and you certainly have a right to some other interests and pursuits (and not just going to the gym!). Your DH needs to be more supportive of your choices if he wants a happy family in the long term.