Calling All Working Mums of 3 (or more)

[almost40]

How do you do it? Do you ever regret having a 3rd child? Is it always chaos? What's the hardest thing about going from 2 to 3 kids?

I have 2 beautiful girls, but think I may try for a 3rd. I'm having a hard time deciding, but since I'm almost40, I know I should decide soon. I work 3 days a week and have a wonderful nanny. It works out well with 2, but don't know if I could manage with 3. TIA.

Hi there! I've got 3 boys, and I do work, but from home. (I'm very lucky to be able to.) I mainly work in evenings and on DHs days off.

I don't regret having three for a single second. It is bloody hard work and somehow having three seems like much much more than having one more than two, if you know what I mean! If you'll always regret not trying for a third, you should go for it. With the support of a good nanny and your DH/P you'll be fine! Chaos does reign (though that may be just boys...) and the house isn;t as clean as it once was. I don't get much sleep either. But the fun, laughter and love I get from my kids ... well. Where would I be otherwise? I wouldn't change a single thing. (well, except maybe the sleep )

Thanks for your response, newbie. Some threads really have been harsh about this question, but I'll run and hide after this one - were you trying to have a girl w/ number 3? To be honest, I think I may want to try for a boy, although I know if I had another girl, I'd also be happy. I should clarify that despite the fact that I have a helpful nanny, I don't have a helpful DH, although he does surprise me every now and then. . .

Not working again, yet, but do have 3. Sheesh, if I had a nanny, that would be bliss!
Biggest Issue?, safety, safety, safety!!

Oh, I wanted a girl this time. I admit I was disappointed when 20 wk scan revealed little boy bits. But since I got the cutest DS ever, things have turned out ok.

What are the ages of yours, zebra? What's the hardest thing about going from 2 to 3 then? DH says he doesn't like the idea that we will be outnumbered. . .

Almost40, don't run and hide - I'm used to being asked and I like to talk so I'll miss you! In all honesty, no we weren't trying for a girl. We just wanted three children and I would have been thrilled either way. We didn't even find out the sex until DS3 arrived as we really didn't care. I was too worried the baby would be healthy as I had a lot of scares third time around. (Thank God, he is.) I know what you mean about 'helpful' DHs. Mine is lovely, and great at playing with them etc, but if I wasn't here he'd only be OK until there was no food in the cupboards or the clean clothes had run out, or the oven was too slimed up to work! Zebra is spot on, safety is an issue. I have to watch like a hawk to make sure that neither of the older ones leave anything with small bits near enough to the baby for him to grab them. They're getting better though. I also can't remember the last time I took a wee by myself! The quantity of washing is also unbelievable! If you do have three, buy a dyson washing machine - they're fab!

4y+8m, 2y+9m & 5 weeks. Yes, I am completely outnumbered!!

Safety, honestly, is the big issue for me -- as the 4yo started trimming plants with scissors today while I had to prevent the 2yo from stepping on the baby. Or 2yo & 4yo run out the door while I'm still struggling with the buggy. I don't have any consistent childcare (CAN YOU TELL?, LOL.)

Then it's mouths & bottoms -- baby wakes up hungry right when 2yo is about to wee her pants, whilst you're in the middle of a shopping precinct and 4yo is having a strop over who knows what.

Then it's keeping them entertained, giving them attention. A constant juggle to put them first and delay dealing with the laundry/washing up/the filthy floor/the unflushed toilet, the chocolate smears on someone's shirt, because, technically, all that can wait, and you don't want either older child to always feel that their needs are put last. On the other hand, the mess makes me mental, so I am constantly giving little bits of attention to the housework/nearest child to try to keep generally on top of it all. I am really looking forward to going back to work, which will not be such a constant juggle. Plus, I am bored with the SAHM stuff (no offense to anybody who enjoys being a 100% SAHM).

Making sure everyone eats properly, brushes teeth, wears reasonably clean clothes...

I hate this sounding like I'm so in control or happy with it, really, we have good and bad days. Fridays seem to be our 'bad' days, alas. Sometimes I have terrible doubts that I was a complete fool to have any children, never mind 3.

Then it's getting enuf sleep & rest for me, which is why I'm off to bed, now.

yes, ps: we just bought a new washing machine, too! Not a Dyson, but still, I couldn't deal with the probability of the old one dying suddenly on us.

Hi Almost 40 - I was NOT trying for no. 3, and despite our best contraceptive efforts she took matters into her own hands. Was totally, utterly devastated when the blue line appeared in the window, but couldn't contemplate taking any action, IYKWIM (can't even bring myself to say the word directly, so couldn't see myself going through with it, despit not having any theoretical objections)

However, many, many times over the past 3 years I have marvelled at how upset I was, and remembered my devatstation with a sense of something like wonderment. DD3 is a total, universal delight. Am astounded that there was ever a time when I didn't consider the idea of her like that. As Newbie says, 3 does seem like a lot more than 2, for a while, but that soon passes. I'm already starting to upset myself about the prospect of her starting school NEXT September.

I'd say if you're thinking of going for a third, do it. Otherwise it'll never be out of your system. Just for the record, as soon as she was born I had a distinct feeling that we were all here now, and could get on with beng a family, and can honestly say I haven't experienced the mildest broody pang since.

The hardest thing about going from 2 to 3 for us is worrying about money. All the student loan stuff, house prices and everything... I often think that it would be easier to help out 2 as they get older. And when one of them throws up in the night you start thinking 'Oh no, it'll go through all 3 of them now...' But Hey...

3 princesses - that's so true! When I had just 1 or 2 of the boys, I did get broody (despite claiming I always only wanted 2 - I was being too logical!) but when DS3 was a couple of days old and we were all out walking with the buggy, I looked at them all and just felt 'right', I can't put it any other way. Am so glad to hear someone else say it. (Especially on a day when two women in a queue near me were having a very loud discussion about how 1 is the best number of children to have so that they get the 'right' amount of attention - like mine are all ignored!) That's truly a hard thing, the guilt that you give them each enough time. But, converseley, they will always have someone else to be with if they want to, and more immediate people to give them love and support. I do give each of them as much as I can on their own and together, and they get valuable lessons in sharing and considering others too.

this might sound like a stupid question to ask u mums of three or more children, but after ur first did it take longer to concieve your second child?

And Newbie, I think when they're all the same sex there can be a few competitive issues! I definitely think having 3 helps to spread the load a bit in that sense. Mine don't all get along, by any means, but at least they take it in turns to be the one who's left out!!

Another mum of 3 here, although not working at the moment (couldn't afford two lots of childcare on what I could earn ). Again, two never felt "enough" to me, whereas as soon as no. 3 popped out, our family was definitely complete. No regrets whatsoever (although Zebra's description of her life at the moment is pretty much mine as well - I can do "clean" or "tidy" but I can't do both ).

Although the world and his wife tell me "ooh, you don't want to have three, it's an odd number" (REALLY??), for me I wouldn't want to spread myself any thinner IYSWIM.

Anyone who works and has 3+ kids has my total admiration.

Am very lucky, I do freelance work in the evenings (though means I am permanently tired - we need the money... Also means I'll have to stop looking at MN too much or I'll never meet my deadlines!). Having three the same sex helps clothes wise for the first year at least (everything is too worn out after that!), and the toys get used thoroughly to. Anything pink would look very odd in our house!

Stickynote, you have my admiration for being able to do clean or tidy. I tend to ignore these both and just go for well stocked cupboards and a good supply of clean laundry! (except the bathroom floor with boys/men IYKWIM! - flash powermop - wonderful!)

I can't understand people going on about 3 being an odd number. So? So's 1, plenty of people do that. I can easily have one on my knee and my arms around the other two, so that does me fine!

Do you find that having one less in the house (and it really doesn't matter which one) suddenly makes everything calmer? I think it must just be the luxury of only being whinged at by two people rather than three .

almost40 - from 2 to 3 is no problem, it sorts itself almost!! I have 2 boys and 1 girl (no i wasn't trying for a girl, i was too tired to remember to take any precautions!). They're all gorgeous, I work 3 days and enjoy it (although I'm knackered most of the time - I'm a single mum now). I think my thought would be - don't think about it too much - if it feels right, go ahead and things will sort themselves. I found the biggest change was from no children to 1 child (big shock) but from 2 to 3 was absolutely fine and I love it!

I also found 2 to 3 a lot less stressful than 0 to 1 or even 1 to 2 as you're already used to splitting your attention/time IYSWIM.

And, not being able to do everything yourself is a great excuse to foster independence in the children. They can do a bit of tidying, even a bit of floor sweeping and rubbish emptying (mine are 9, 6 and 3 now, so it's not out of the question) The house was a total health hazard for 2 years, but the light is just about visible (through the grimy windows) at the end of the tunnel now. 2 years of chaos isn't much in the great scheme of things.

Ah yes, child labour, knew I'd had three for a reason . Got DS aged 5 to hoover today which he did very enthusiastically, if a little haphazardly. Halfway through he had to have a rest "It's really hard work Mum but I'll be OK in a minute".

Soon be the chimney sweeping season, too...

Thank you all for your responses. Newbie, Zebra and Sticknote, sounds like you all really knew you wanted a third and it seems like you all have a really lovely sense of 'family' with 3. I think I can understand that, as I guess it is an indescribable feeling, a sense completeness and joyful chaos. 3Princesses and Gettingthere, even though your 3rd was unplanned, I sense the same sort of 'complete family' there that I think I'm longing for in having 3. When I do think hard about it, it doesn't make any rational sense to have 3 children, so I guess I shouldn't think too much about it. I do think that someday if I don't have another child, I may regret it and maybe that's good enough reason to go for it. Life is short. . .

You could always start being a little casual about contraception, and let nature take its course! I love the Russian Roulette Theory of making life changing decisions

No, seriously, it sounds like your mind is made up deep down. Sod logic. Being a mum is about instincts.

Let us know how this story ends!!

Hi almost40,

You conversation caught my eye as I have exactly the same feelings as you. In fact I was posting on the "Conception: help i'm feeling broody" thread (sorry, can't do links yet) last week.

I'm ashamed to admit that we've been trying 3princesses strategy below since Feb but no luck so far...

Fingers crossed and goodluck making your decision!

Good luck to you, Wifeof. I conceived DD1 on our first night of no contraception, and DD2 was an accident- she was conceived the 1 night we had sex when I was certain I wasn't ovulating- I was obviously wrong. I did want to eventually have another, but not so close in age to DD1. I fear that if I just sort of say let's just see what happens, I'll most certainly fall pregnant. So I figure I do need to be a bit more proactive this time if it is what we decide to do. DD2 is only 6 months and I am still breastfeeding and using contraception - at the same time, I don't like the thought that this may be my last baby. I think I may be ready in 1 year or so, but then I will be 40, no longer almost40. . . Dilemma. . .

I have 3 boys and wouldn't be without any of them. We did want all 3 - all planned, etc. In fact, would probably have had more, but I was 41 when I had DS3 and I suppose I thought I ought to stop at some point.

I do work, but not 9-5 weekdays. I have 2 part-time jobs, which I fit in around the children's needs - they are all at school now, so it's relatively easy to do. Didn't contemplate working out of the home before they were all at school though, but then I was lucky in that I wasn't forced to for financial reasons.

It is hard work having 3 - especially 3 of the same sex as there are some competitive issues. However, I'm sure there are issues between siblings of different genders, so it probably evens itself out.