Pregnant while on mat leave- apparently I "have some nerve"

[thiskittenbarks]

Coming to end of my year of Mat leave and will be going back 3 days p/w. Have recently found out I am pregnant again. Wonderful news and couldn't be happier. Brought baby to see my parents this weekend and told them we are (fingers crossed) expecting no2. They are pleased but when discussing going back to work etc my mum dropped in that I "have some nerve" do go back from mat leave pregnant. Is it really that bad? Surely lots of people do it? I want to be prepared for telling work as I'm now not sure if I am telling them something terrible and shocking. My boss was actually pretty unpleasant to me while I was pregnant (just rude comments and questioning the regularity of antenatal appts etc) so I am fully prepared for that again - but I would like to know if I'm actually being crazy or unreasonable.
My mum was then questioning me about what work can do and whether they have to give me mat leave for this baby or if they can get out of it on account me be just being on mat leave. She's in her 70s and I know things were unfortunately different for her generation. But she's made me doubt whether I will even get mat leave, which I know is stupid.

Of course it isn't unreasonable to have two dc and continue working, but for many businesses it is a very real problem to have an employee out for the best part of two years, if reliant on their particular skills to make your business run effectively.

I hate saying it but I think people taking lots of mat leave in close succession contribute to businesses not wanting to take the risk of hiring women.

is making individual women feel crap about the situation genuinely the most constructive response to it though? It's a societal problem, not something any woman with normally unpredictable fertility can be expected to magic away

Obviously there are unplanned pregnancies and everyone just has to deal with it, but for people who plan dc, it is not wrong to point out that an employer has valid reasons not to be thrilled about 2 mat leaves one immediately after the other.
The OP did ask for opinions. Best to be prepared for what people might be thinking at work.

You're within your rights to do whatever you want, but Mat leave is expensive for companies, plus means they have to go through the hassle of finding covers, probably knowing that you're not going to go back. I think whatever they say to your face, they will be a bit annoyed.

You can, of course, plan dc2's arrival to the day around your boss's convenience, but unless you're unusually fertile dc2 may well refuse to play ball

Or if you're overly fertile, of course!

Congratulations Op!

This happened unexpectedly to a good friend of mine and I think she had to be back at work for 13 weeks in order to claim maternity leave from the company again (it might vary, this was local council).

If I was you I might have gone back FT after the first mat leave if it was only going to be for a short time....

I went back to work when ds was 4 months old and I was already pregnant again....I was quite embarrassed if I'm honest as it wasn't planned! Oh hum all well that ends well 👍

I'm aware of a situation at a friend's work about 6 years ago where there was a new colleague hired who didn't disclose that they were pregnant (were able to avoid it coming up at interview as I think a lot is done over Skype as standard in that industry) Eventually started work at literally the legal cut off to notify so something like 15 weeks before due date, worked 3 weeks then was signed off with pregnancy related sickness before maternity leave automatically started. Returned after Mat Leave 1 pregant with No. 2 of course, worked again something like 3/4 months before being signed off by GP again for pregnancy related sickness. Returns from Mat Leave 2 (I swear this is true!) Pregnant with baby no 3 AND 4! I dont really know what happened after that as friend moved jobs themselves whilst Mat Leave No.3 was taking place!

babbity Yes I understand how it's a headache for employers. I was asking why a poster thought an employee is 'milking' the 'maximum benefit' by having a short gap.

I took 2 weeks so was not at all disrupting of mym career and worked full time so not surprisingly I earn a lot and the children benefited! It works really well doing it that way.

I'm really shocked at some of the responses on here.
People saying managers may be parents aswell - in that instance what did they do for their Mat leave? Presumably took time off? Yes it is a headache for employers but what's the alternative? We plan our families around work? Then look back perhaps in many years not even working for the company any more, and maybe have regrets about the amount of children or spacing of children.
My ds is two, I have been back at work for 15 months and im thinking of planning another.
Is approximately two years between maternity acceptable and moral?
To me it wouldn't make any difference 'morally' if it was ten weeks two years or five years. Two mat leaves is two mat leaves and if the staff member returns then they may be with the company for a very long time having completed their family.
Very surprised at the attitudes on this thread.

It's not about taking 2 mat leaves as such, more about them being in close succession - it leaves the employer without someone they need for a long time, putting pressure on other employees and potentially damaging their business. The employer, clients, colleagues etc need some proper recovery time between absences, to put right things that may have slipped while a less skilled temp was in place.

We employed someone to cover (extended) maternity leave. She was appointed in April and began the job in September - when she informed the manager that she would be going on maternity leave just before December! We ended up employing another person to cover the maternity leave of the person who was covering maternity leave.
So your boss should think himself lucky!

Aderyn - what would you consider an acceptable gap? I'm starting to worry now about if I conceive how will my employer take it.
I understand what you are saying that it's hard for businesses but I just don't know how fair it is a women should plan childbearing around the employers needs.

Problem: human fertility & cultural family planning preferences are not very compatible with the way the world of work is organised.

Possible solutions:

1. ban fertile women / people from the workplace
2. reorganise the world of work so it can absorb the fact that employees want families
3. do neither, but individually blame pregnant women every time anyone's interests are in conflict

I had 2 mat leaves, was back at work for about 1 year after the first. When I returned from the second I was fully committed and have been promoted several times since the second return. I've worked 16 years for my company all in and believe that I've been a fantastic long term investment - I'm now in leadership and able to show junior female colleagues that it's possible to progress as a mother in my industry rather than leave after having children. Those 2 mat leaves haven't impacted my career and it wouldn't have mattered if it were 2 months or 2 years between my leave periods, the end result is the same. Good employers see this.

I was the poster who used the word morally. Perhaps the wrong choice of word. What I was referring to was the women (and some do) who know full well they won't be returning and have 2/3 children on the bounce because they can and financially it works best for them.

It really does contribute to small/medium businesses not even entertaining the idea of hiring fertile aged women.

We're currently dealing with a situation where employee 1 was pregnant when we hired her. She then came back pregnant again, then got signed off and we didn't see her again. In the meantime we had two temps. It take around 6 months to fully train them up. During that time other members of the team are picking up the slack/training them/dealing with work which isn't their remit. We can't give full access to systems until they are fully trained. It's an nightmare. New employee 2 is now pregnant 4 months after starting with us. There were a lot fog rolled eyes and sighs when that got announced and that was from women who have children.

I went back to work after maternity 6 nearly 7 months pregnant it was fine though.

My work treated me like utter shit when I was pregnant, and made it quite clear that I was to work through pretty awful HG and spd. I was so sick . No time off.

When I came back they demoted me.

So no, I will have absolutely zero guilt in getting pregnant again. I'd have happily got pregnant the second after the minimum period for full pay but alas had a miscarriage.

I've worked my arse off for my employer and had nothing but crap in return. Loyalty? Well it goes both ways.

Star, I think it depends on the job and how much impact your specific absence will have on the business/colleagues. For some jobs 2 mat leaves on the bounce won't make a difference to how the busoness functions but to others it can be really difficult.

All the posters bleating on about how morally this isn't acceptable can get to fuck. Morally we shouldn't live in a society that punishes and looks down on women for doing something we're biologically designed to do

^^ THIS!

You can all fuck off with your 'morals'. It's a shame only women can carry babies and men don't have to deal with this sort of thing. Would be some entirely different attitudes if men and women were equals in reproduction.

Why should a woman resign from her post for having a second baby? Seriously?
Is she not entitled to continue in her career once she has started her family?

I know people who have accepted a new job pregnant and then told the boss a week or so in.

It's not ideal but meh it happens. Congratulations.

Lemonade, the flip side of that is if you are a father (or any other kind of colleague really) with a massively increased workload because your highly skilled and difficult to replace colleague has gone on mat leave twice in two years. Covering someone else's work impacts on their families/lives. Men (and other women) are affected by someone else's reproductive choices.

We are designed biologically to have babies, but we have also designed methods that enable us to choose when.

Obviously people can't plan their families entirely to suit an employer - few employers would run their business to suit employees. In the end people are not wrong to plan their dc in the way that is best for their lives overall. But if you know that this is going to negatively affect a business in a significant way/cause hardship for colleagues, it is a selfish choice and people won't be pleased for you. Everyone has the right to make selfish choices but othe people retain the right not to be happy about it.