Pregnant while on mat leave- apparently I "have some nerve"

[thiskittenbarks]

Coming to end of my year of Mat leave and will be going back 3 days p/w. Have recently found out I am pregnant again. Wonderful news and couldn't be happier. Brought baby to see my parents this weekend and told them we are (fingers crossed) expecting no2. They are pleased but when discussing going back to work etc my mum dropped in that I "have some nerve" do go back from mat leave pregnant. Is it really that bad? Surely lots of people do it? I want to be prepared for telling work as I'm now not sure if I am telling them something terrible and shocking. My boss was actually pretty unpleasant to me while I was pregnant (just rude comments and questioning the regularity of antenatal appts etc) so I am fully prepared for that again - but I would like to know if I'm actually being crazy or unreasonable.
My mum was then questioning me about what work can do and whether they have to give me mat leave for this baby or if they can get out of it on account me be just being on mat leave. She's in her 70s and I know things were unfortunately different for her generation. But she's made me doubt whether I will even get mat leave, which I know is stupid.

[Gorgosparta]

Jesus wept. Are you not even going back after?

[MrsWooster]

morally not so much
Wtf? So it is immoral to decide what is right for you and your family and expect your painfully acquired LEGAL RIGHTS from what is your job and not, in fact, a sacred lifelong vow in the manner of holy orders?

[thiskittenbarks]

Niccelia - I do plan on going back and have already paid fairly big chunk of baby's nursery fees. If I resign now I will say goodbye to any income for the next year or two and will lose a fairly big chunk of money that I am legally entitled to. So that's kind of a turn off...

[Gorgosparta]

Are going back after the second

[Gorgosparta]

Sorry, are you going back after the second?

[dobbyclub]

Can't believe some of the attitudes on here! If you're going to have two kids you're gonna have two periods of mat leave whatever the gap in between. How long will you be back at work for? If it's not that long can you go back 'full time' but use annual leave to work part time days?
I've recently told work about my second pregnancy and still felt guilty even though I've been back ages.

[CalmanOnSpeeddial]

Resigning might (arguably) be taking the moral high ground but it would be giving up a lot of money on a point of principle and the OP hasn't indicated that she has cash to throw away. Also it's giving up flexibility - what if her DP lost his job?

[ClaraLane]

I work in HR in the NHS and this happens a lot more than you’d think, I really wouldn’t worry about it. Yes your work may not be happy about it but as long as they give you everything you’re entitled to then you should be fine.

[shivermytimbers]

All the posters bleating on about how morally this isn't acceptable can get to fuck. Morally we shouldn't live in a society that punishes and looks down on women for doing something we're biologically designed to do and we should be fully supporting women in their child rearing choices.
Congratulations OP. Enjoy your mat leave and your new pregnancy

[shivermytimbers]

And definitely don't resign!!!

[timeisnotaline]

Your mum is wrong, and this happens a lot. However I would expect management to be annoyed. It would depend on the work a bit- if you can fully do you job while you're back or if the short period means you're a bit of a spare wheel for the whole period. I'm just pregnant and feeling like people will think 'again!' Even though there will be a 3 year gap and I will have been back 2 years which is longer than many people stay!!

[MrsWooster]

Yes shiver!

[Becles]

I managed someone who did three maternity leaves on the trot. I mean came back from maternity leave pregnant and then from that one pregnant again.

Each time we'd found and trained a replacement who was finding her feet, gave notice and then we're told due again in a few months.

Came back after the their thir maternity leave to work a few months to not repay enhanced leave and then resigned.

[Trollspoopglitter]

Oh dear, that's tricky. If they've already redistributed duties to allow you to go part time and you go on maternity... they either will redistribute duties back to your job being full time and get a full time maternity cover or they will reorganise so your part time duties are absorbed elsewhere and don't get a part time cover (making your role redundant). I guess it will depend on how you perform at your job part time in the coming months and whether it works for the business.

Have you signed a new contract for your hours yet or amended your existing one?

[beekeeper17]

In my situation, I think it would probably have been more disruptive if I'd waited another year to have another baby. My maternity cover is being kept on so there will be nobody new to train. We have a few months where we're both there which means we're getting caught up with some general stuff that never gets prioritised.

People go on mat leave all the time, and multiple times in their working life. I have a good career and am loyal to my company who I've been with for years, but my choices about my family are too important to worry too much about what a few people in work might think about me!

[Prusik]

I'm not one to harp on about women's rights but this thread makes me sad. So basically women's rights means women have to work and not let their baby making impact that world. So basically, be like a man. Lovely

Congratulations op, I'm really happy for you

[Babbitywabbit]

Of course you're entitled legally to do this. And I think those who are talking about 'morality' are way off line.... I don't see why it's a moral question at all.

But surely it's quite obvious that it's going to be disruptive to the business, and yes, some people will think you're taking the piss, even though they won't say it.

Look at it from the other side: when my ds started secondary school, his form tutor had just returned from her 3rd, year long maternity leave, with short periods (i.e. Just months) when she'd actually been back in work in between. Legally she was allowed to do that, but imagine the disruption for the school. My ds wasn't affected as that was her last ML, but other kids must have gone into year 7 with her as their form tutor and pretty much gone through to year 11 hardly seeing her. And then there would have been all the pupils she taught in her core subject, English. And of course during this entire period the school couldn't make a permanent appointment to replace her, so many kids must have had a series of temporary teachers during pretty much their whole secondary experience.

Obviously not all jobs are ones where there will be such an impact but that's a real life example of how disruptive it can be. And unfortunately this is the sort of scenario which makes some employers worried about taking on women of a certain age. Again- not right, not fair, but you can understand their fear that they might end up employing someone who will be away from work as much (or more) than present

[geekaMaxima]

All the posters bleating on about how morally this isn't acceptable can get to fuck. Morally we shouldn't live in a society that punishes and looks down on women for doing something we're biologically designed to do

^^ This x 1000.

[MsGameandWatching]

I don't know anyone and have never hear anyone say that the moral thing to do is quit beforehand if you don't think you'll be going back after the second. Obviously yet another only on MN thing

[HoldMeCloserTonyDanza]

FWIW I think his must be fairly industry dependent - like Thing where I work many women have children late, have them close together, and have just two. Having mat leave as close together as possible is a positive.

TBH I'd always expect someone coming off their first mat leave would want another and so the sooner it happens the better, rather than planning big projects and then scrambling to sort them out.

[MaisyPops]

Morally we shouldn't live in a society that punishes and looks down on women for doing something we're biologically designed to do
Except nobody is looking down on women for doing what they are biologically deisgned to do!

They are saying that to a workplace it is a bit rubbish for people to be off on maternity leave, come back pregnant, work a couple of months, go off again.
For a big company they can float that. For a smaller company the hiring and training costs are probably more noticable.

It doesn't mean the OP shouldn't do it and work must uphold her employment rights but they can't be massively surpised if people aren't all sunshine and rainbows about it (especially if they've been picking up extra work as part of covering mat leave).

I know someone who did 3 mat leaves lile this. By their own admission it was because they didn't like where they worked but they couldn't afford to leave. They'd self certify for 2 weeka with stress when they were back, then go to dr to get signed off a bit more. After baby 3, they came back enough to not have to pay back the company contributions and then resigned. Morally I do think that's a crappy thing to do. It has fuck all to do with hsr being biologically designed to give birth and everything to do with getting as much as she could for as little as possible.

[thiskittenbarks]

Thanks shiver me timbers and others.
I'm sure work will be less than thrilled- but I worked incredibly hard for them for a number of years.
My job isn't really one that no one else can do in my absence. I know they have not had any one into cover me since I went on mat leave. The dept is constantly in flux (for example six people left since I have been on mat leave due to stress).
I have to say I don't really see what is immoral about it. Inconvenient for my employer of course, but I don't think it's a issue of morality.

[greendale17]

It is not common.

Nothing to stop you from doing that however it would seriously be frowned upon where I work. No one here has ever done it

[MaisyPops]

I know they have not had any one into cover me since I went on mat leave. The dept is constantly in flux (for example six people left since I have been on mat leave due to stress).
Probably because those people are having their workload increased in your absence (not a criticism of you OP but a criticism of how work have handles mat leave)
If there is no need to cover you for a year then either your duties have been passed on to others or it's the sort of post that will be quick to be made redundant because a company can function without it.

I'd say a situation like the one I outlined is immoral.
Having 2 mat leaves close is inconvenient, not immoral.

[CalmanOnSpeeddial]

Taking maternity leave per se is obviously fine, and if you're having multiple children then you'll be taking multiple mat leaves. I do get a bit when a very few women who are particularly lucky with their fertility play the system to its limits by backing ML and accrued holiday up to come back for a couple of months at a time and then stay for the bare minimum at the end of their final ML in order to not have to repay enhanced MA before quitting.

Enhanced maternity pay is a godsend, but if it incentivises too many women to come back temporarily and then quit after 14 weeks exactly, rather than simply not returning, as they otherwise would, then it's acting as a destabilising force. Far better to be able to carry on with the arrangements that were in place for maternity leave than have to dismantle them and then sort things out again after 3/6 months.

However this isn't what the OP is suggesting. She's being reasonable - the employer won't be delighted, but them's the breaks. I know a handful of middle aged men who've woken up one morning with herniated discs and been off for ages with no notice, and no government support to buy in additional cover. At least with maternity leave you normally get a few months notice that it's coming.